All Comments on 'Laundry Day'

Wishful thinking, but not incest.

He isn't even related so how does this fit in this category?

Dialog? Should be in quotations? And using quotations once in a paragraph doesn't exempt you from using them WHENEVER it's appropriate.

[So I squared my shoulders, looked him back in the eye and simply said "OK". Ok? he repeated... OK, I said. You can have what you want from me, I told him.]

Sloppy editing.

[Suddenly he grabbed my hims and came fiercely inside of me.]

I THINK you were going for "hips", but you never know. Of course, there will be some tree-hugging, "everyone is a winner" people to blow smoke up your ass and tell you to ignore the negative comments, but let me ask this question: How many people have to complain about spelling and grammatical errors before it DROWNS OUT the assholes trying to hand out participation awards?

Come up with your idea, create an outline, write a draft, read the draft, make as many changes as necessary to tell the story, and then, BEFORE YOU POST IT, read through it again, from beginning to end. Keep doing that until you can get through your story without finding any errors. Then do it ONCE MORE to see if that previous read-through was a fluke, and if you STILL don't find more errors, MAYBE it's ready to post.

This was not ready to post. Oh, and regarding that "put a pin in it":

[That was the first day I had sex with my brother!]

Not unless you are claiming that your nameless protagonist later had sex with her actual brother, and not this "Alex" person to whom she was NOT related.

I pounced on the mailman and fed small pickles to him...I felt he was my brother since we've known him for years and he came to our house on an almost daily basis.

Wrong category, Chief

Can't wait for the next chpater.

No incest, no relation...way too short

Some people shouldn't attempt to publish a story on here. This is cleary one of them. The before mentioned reasons. Why publish such a worthless piece of trash? Did you even reread it? Use an outline? THINK ABOUT A PLOT????? There really needs to be a TOTAL CRAP category. It's a shame we can only go as low as 1 star.

1 pathetic star

DragonRider55

That the second sentence ends in a completely unwarranted exclamation mark, ("point" for US readers), should have warned me off, but I read on. Silly me. This is just complete garbage. I see you've posted other "stories" - you should stop, (before one of the tech-ier readers backtracks your ID and pays you a "friendly visit").