All Comments on 'Laura and Bill's Story'

It wasn't bad, it wasn't good. There were some not very interesting people doing a very few not so interesting things. The sentence structures you use are atrocious and I became so bored by the second page, waiting for something to happen, waiting for the interminable navel-gazing to end, but it never did, so I quit. I believe if you ever think of something interesting for these characters to do, you might write a good story. This wasn't it. You need an editor, a ruthless one, who will cut away all the dead air and improve your writing. I'll read your prologues, and see if you get one. I won't read any more stories from you if you don't. Three stars

LEARN how to write before telling us what to read or not read. Could not finish, absolutely appalling writing.

Everyone has to start somewhere. Imagine this: you get up in the morning, you log on to Literotica, and you see a new story by, say, Oshaw, for example. Maybe it's a new story by K.K. What about a new story by PapaToad? Wouldn't that be a good day? What sort of a day would it be if you had three stories by those kinds of legendary writers? Could there be more? What if there were five? Ten? Could it get any better? I encourage you to log on Friday, March 17, St. Patrick's Day. It's going to be an epic day in Loving Wives.

The story ran smoothly with a range a mile wide and six inches deep much like Dallas and Dynasty soaps the author hearkened back to . The story treated the characters like they had spreadsheets and time lines to hit by a designated chapter and never got into their guts or made the reader singed by the fire, the heat of their motivations.

Was it readable ? I give props to Spyauth for consistent coherency and not wallowing in ruts, keeping the narrative at no less then a brisk march to a lukewarm conclusion. The bottom line was Linda and Bill struggled be the one to set the agenda . Linda found someone more spellbound by the thrall she cast and pushed ejection button out of starter marriage. Likewise Tracy is more amenable to Bill's nebulous career versus family timelines.

Participation trophies for everyone., author included.

My suggestions

1) Listen to dual New Yorker Magazine short story Podcasts

2) Subscribe to Writer's Digest 

3) Buy Stephen King's ' On Writing ' 

4) Take advice from any comment by any competent Literotica writer 10X more to heart then anything I say.

5) Consider breaking story of this length into 3 installments akin to acts of a play .

Thank you for sharing . Good luck.

I must say a good one please write more waiting some more good work like that one

They could have salvaged their marriage with one solid conversation. Even a few words on the wife's part could have clarified her husbands position. I'd have preferred to see them work their shit out instead of abandoning ship at the first sign of choppy water.

For a first time effort. Yes,the story was a bit long. And the ending was rather abrupt.

But I'd rather either have the whole story at once,or posted close to one another so the wait time is minimal.

IMO, overall you need to work on pacing. But,blackrandi is right also. Having new writers that actually write in a way that you can respect (especially with most of the stuff in LW lately being absolute dreck) is good enough for me to give you five stars.

I look forward to your next story.

I just realized I was talking about blackrandl,and not blackrandi. Sorry about the mistake.

This was like a food without any salt...It can be well cooked by a master chef, but in the end is insipid and you feel no emotion eating it...Just like this story: You feel no emotion reading it (not even emotion between husband and wife). As the writer stated in his introduction: a square story...I would have said a rectangular one: two sides larger than the other two. Extremely larger...2*

boring and ended abruptly. try again. ***

In fact Any writer / author of this particular genre who makes that claim is clearly is not a longtime reader of the LW type of story. There are a number of readers that post serious feedback in the comments section that do in fact make a reasonable case for being middle road people. That being said clearly the most one sided and distorted term is the BTB acronym.

When readers complain that very own author does not follow his her particular story or that chapter 3 is vastly different from chapter 2 OR that there are aseries of actions words behaviors occur that causes serious problems in the marriage which NEVER get resolved or even talked about before the reconciliation and others... that is NOT being unreasonable. It's just factual. It is s a legitimate complaint with respect to the story or the literature itself and does not deal with the marriage per se

So far it's a story about people who measure success in life by the position achieved in the work place. Will continue reading.

You made a very cogent comment. People try to pigeonhole every story. Not all of them fit so neatly. Some are deliberately written to fit certain stereotypes, but most of the better writers don't fit molds like that. Some write only one outcome.

Most of us just want a sense of proportion. I love a happy ending where everything works out. I don't want a magic wand waved to get to the happy ending. Betrayal, deceit and behaving despicably should have far reaching effects. That's how humans react to being betrayed. Some, very few, don't like that. Their own deceit and despicable behavior weighs too heavily on their conscience.

If the story ends in reconciliation or a parting of the ways, matters not to me, just the journey to either destination having a sense of proportion. I think most readers are similar. Some are not. Their comments usually begin with "I would of," illiterate blustering, or "Misogynist!" charges that are the result of that guilty conscience and hatred of consequences for despicable behavior.

I even enjoy a good, very hot, stroke story about sharing or whatever tag you want to put on it, so long as there is no cruelty involved or humiliation of one party or the other, rape or racist crap. Those are fetish stories and should not be posted here. There are a great many readers out here that just enjoy good stories, whatever the eventual outcome may be. You nailed it, Harry. Congratulations. Lord Doggy Boy, on the other hand, was probably disappointed because there were no rapes in the story, and went on another of his voluble and palaverous ravings that make no sense to anyone.

A long story well written, no great b ut good. The ending was rushed after all these pages about their relationship, I think the epilogue should have been a bit longer.

To be honest I can appreciate the effort but not my kind of story.

Hey, I get it. You want to develop the characters. But if you begin with the cooling of the earth, you're going to lose people. These are things that should be interwoven into the narrative, not being used to set the stage.

Time well spent on my part and thank you for your creative efforts. Like the weather, be impervious to your critics and keep to your vision of writing. You're the one in the trenches. Good luck to you. SF VET.

Way to much back story, not enough engaging content. I think 6 of 8 pages were all presented as back story, and didn't have the pull that a developing storyline should have. Great level of writing just lacking delivery and presentation in my opinion.

Threshon

Interesting attempt at something original. Lack of experience by Spyauth caused the dramatic shortfall. Missed opportunity Spyauth, this had potential for much more drama🎭❗

Gave you 4*s. I want to encourage you. Keep writing!

Liked the idea of a spoiled rich wife with mediocre abilities, and a not-wealthy, gifted for the law, husband. When she realized her career was just a job, her biological desire came to dominate her thinking. Her husband didn't want children at that moment💣💥KABOOM. Nothing her husband said matters anymore. That set her to follow in her mother's footsteps.

Unfortunately, failure to develop an emotional connection to the characters. Along with lack of editor. Really brought the story down.

Good luck Spyauth and I will look forward to your next story.

AMerryman

You got lost in the details, the backstory and the attempt at character development. That made your story difficult to stay with. The ending fell completely flat. Maybe a great editor could help. As it sits, it wasn't worth the time spent to read it.

1 star

Is everyone truly happy now. TK U MLJ LV NV

and well worth the read. Pretty unlikely of course but that's what stories are about.

The question is will laura he happy in her marriage to warren ??

In the begining, she wanted to get away from the shelther of her parents wealth. Never managed. Daddy's money got her into law school, when the going gets tough daddy's influence got her a promotion, and in the end she ended up running to mommy to get help in getting what she wants. How come laura never had a chance to reintrospect ??

Warren, the poor guy who wanted to escaped poverty worked hard to put himself through uni and achieved success. One would have thought he would have learned a lot in life, enough to appreciate the qualities of a person, rather than be infatuated with a beautiful spoiled rich girl. Not that its a problem, but i don't see him as a morally upright guy. He seems shallow. He's left his poverty, and now he's got the hitherto unobtainable rich pretty girl with genteel upbringing. A catch.....haha

Laura in the end turns out to be exactly the kind of person she doesn't want to be growing up. The question is, will warren get to find out in the course of their marriage ?? How will it effect their marriage ??

A follow up on warren and laura's story will be ihteresting

And since when have couple miscommunicated so badly about wanting kids that they divorced, and only after marrying different ppl, they asked "but....." ???

. . . from Logic to Reality. A most interesting read. The female mind, as developed in Laura, her Mother and Tracy is a road map meandering through life sometimes with direction, sometimes with no apparent direction at all. For as disjointed as the tale is written, I think written in its fashion with purpose and dedication, Laura and Bill's Story is a very well told tale. I am not at all sure if either of the two principle characters would have been believable if they didn't share a bit of scatter brain between them. Good job of story telling Spyauth.

But, the ending was very flat. So Laura had an obsession with Warren but - SHE never actually knew him. Laura doesn't have any idea what Warren is all about except she gets her spoiled girl infatuation resolved. How about another Sort of Laura and Warren where Warren is just actually a emotional player and only wants the rich spoiled girl to suffer and he starts cheating on her while she's home taking care of the child while Warren decides to keep looking for a less emotionally devoid lady. This story could have been salvaged by Laura going back to her husband and having him explain about when he wanted children. Laura seems like such an airhead with low morals just like her mother that it kinda reminds me of our current President (Mr Pussy Grabber).

In the end you get the feeling that Laura will not end well,her lover for Bill seems likeep it was all about her.....and Warren will likely find that out as well. Her setting it up with Tracy was not an act of love,it was selfish,she wanted to assuage her guilt by setting him up and hoping he would fall,so she could feel better.He wasn't totally blameless, when she talked about kids he basically blew her off with the old 'we'll' see and doesn't see she is upset.

I agree the ending was a bit flat,it makes it seem like Laura only went for Warren bc of having kids, when it was really about her selfishness, bagging the guy who turned her down

Unlike others, I found the backstories interesting and I was not bored at all.

It was realistic in that one issue, the timing of children, was allowed to provide the rationale for the divorce from what both of them agreed was a very good marriage. Bill, otherwise perceptive, just didn't get how important this was. If he had, the outcome might well have been different-divorce is much less probable among parents of small children.

In the final telephone call to Laura he smugly tells her of his impending twins but actually this was just emphasizing to her how dumb he was in not taking her desire for children sufficiently seriously.

(Hey, I get it. You want to develop the characters. But if you begin with the cooling of the earth, you're going to lose people.)

LOL! Pithy, but yet so apt.

This story was a worthwhile attempt to straddle the RACC/BTB line - except that in the final analysis it falls firmly on the BTB side. Only the Burn here was simply pulling the eject lever. The real point to the story was the Laura didn't truly love him (there was far too much her own self-love stacked in front of him for that), and that he was better off with the woman who truly did. At the very least, she did things in the right order by making her play to break things apart BEFORE physically taking up with the new guy. That she did so in such a despicably dishonest way was ...I'll be kind and say 'regrettable'.

I do wonder about the real deal with Warren. I could easily see that path going either up steeply or down precipitously. There was sure to be little chance of the same kind of middle ground as her first marriage.

As for the writing, other commentators have dissected the main weak points sufficiently, so I'll add only that I think this is what my first several stories that are _not_ autobiographical are likely to be similar to in quality before I'm likely to get much better (if I ever will). That is the big risk we take when we try writing about things outside our own experience (in violation of the "write about what you _know_" maxim.) So, I'm in the forgiving side of the ledger here and gave it a 4* for effort and courage shown by taking a plunge in these shark-filled LW waters.

I am making this comment after reading 3 pages. The numerous errors of editing and general knowledge hurt the story.

1. Allude/Elude- don't mean the same thing. Jarring.

2. Chauffeur, not chauffer. Don't write about aspects of lives you know nothing about. Errors like this make you seem ignorant.

3. Idaho is not in the midwest. It is a western state. This error makes one wonder if you are from the US.

4. When Sheila gives Bill Laura's telephone # you mistakenly write Sheila instead of Laura. This kind of name error is extremely jarring and shows lazy editing because the error leaps out at the reader. If you don't care why should we?

5. I seriously doubt UCLA has a "pre-law" undergraduate major. I was accepted at the UCLA law school, although I attended and graduated from U of Washington Law School. Nobody I went to law school with, and no lawyer I know, got a "pre-law " undergraduate degree. You major in a degree area such as political science, English, etc and then apply to law school.

There were other errors too. I realize many will say "nit picker", but these mistakes interrupt the flow of the story and seriously hurt the reading experience. A person exclaiming to themself "Idaho is not in the Midwest" is not experiencing the story as you want them to.

This story has potential. If it were terrible I would not take the time to point out ways to improve. All the best.

Seriously

His new wife is 7 months pregnant just a year after the divorce and he has the gall to say "I never said I did 't want kids," which translates into: . "Just not with you!" Insufferable bore and sanctimonious twat. For a supposedly smart person it amazed me that she couldn't tell her husband, "bullshit," on his not wanting kids and to nail him to a timeline. He on the other hand behaves without honour in denying his wife's desires after having agreed to them when they first got together. Broken promises and an decisive and major act of BETRAYL before her own. All to feed his own ego--after all they were not hurting for money and she was willing to do he heavy lifting (so to speak!). Sorry this dickhead really annoys me. They both do!

I really did. Good writing but Sooo slow and Sooo boring. Couldn't finish page 3.

I commented on errors in the first 3 pages. Additional ones:

1. A significant plot device repeated at least twice is the "fact" that Tracy spent two summers in the Peace Corps, separating her from Bill. The Peace Corps is a two year hitch and there are no summer, intern programs in the Peace Corps.

2. At the end of page 4 names are mistakenly switched again.

This story was original as to plot. It lacked the emotional intensity you would expect on Bill's part given the massive deception. Bill and Laura obviously had major problems that were never explored.

She knew nothing about warren to desert her husband . A college fantasy . She could have confronted bill I want a child period . Now ! Instead of going with the unknown love warren said to have for her ,and what peace of shit would take a married wife away from her husband. What kind of women could think up this garbage triangle. All are selfish ,self entered individuals. What women Tracy would hang around for ten years for her high school love to return . Give me a break. But it was a story soo keep writing you'll get better.

,

Meh, I think Sheila was the only character that was likable in this story because she was the only one that was up front about who she was. Everyone else was paper thin, including Tracy.

Painfully long and most of it boring. Laura doesn't love anyone but herself. I could see way Warren would want to tap that fine piece, but to want to be with her, No. She is not only a cheater but a severely high maintenance, self centered, heartless Cunt. No guy wants a long term relationship with that. Although Warren is a worm and deserves being miserable. I did liked how it turned out for Bill.

"" shared similar news with Laura. Tracy was due in about seven months with twins. She seemed distant all of a sudden. "But..."

"I never said I didn't want kids Laura. Come to the wedding if you and Warren are able to make it.""

Nice to see that the conniving cunt finally clued it, and that her ex skillfully wove a subtkle "fuck you too" into it as well.

immediately before "Bill's Story" the word should be"penchant," not penitent.

Between characters got confusing at times. Sometimes there was too much explanation and sometimes not enough of the plot lines. Your protagonist was likable at all. I kinda didn't like the story flow either. Sometimes the story moved, other times it was stagnant. Lastly, I'm agreeing with the others. Not a fan of snobby Nuevo-riche bitches scheming and getting what they want.

Loved it! So much pain.

Terrific reading. ⛦⛦⛦⛦⛦

unfinished cuck shit.

I don't understand why he would ever call her and I can't ever see him interacting with there again. She was a silver spoon princess and acted like it her entire life and when Warren finally finds out about her real self he will dump her ass with or without children if he's a real man.

Horrible rubbish . Sucked sucked sucked sucked

I believe this story should I have them read book or woman’s day. This site is for erotica. There was no erotic part in this at all. Your story made little sense in the end. Too many questions. Why would she go through all that subterfuge in setting up Bill and just not tell him the truth? What are the chances both of them met with former loves and didn’t cheat? This story needed some erotic moments. Still gave you a five to encourage your writing.

I gave a five. It is well written and the characters are very well outlined . Well done.

Neither Bill nor Laura garned my admiration.

However as author when you have character make flat out definitive statement thst sets all else in motion, you cannot at end suddenly retract it. Laura ends up being cast in a much worse light than the spoiled rich girl deserves.

Bill flat out states in definitive conversation the he does not want children. Not to mention, his career from the beginning was most important to him.

He did not even consider her wishes when taking his job then abandoning her for work.

Knowing myself and my distrust of females, I admit being shocked I am defending her.

But throughout story I could find nothing attractive about Bill's character.

Remember how he blithely crushed his highschool girlfriend

Pay no attention to lsd's backhanded compliments nor his not so hidden disparaging remarks. He would be better suited to studying library of Writing books and podcasts than urging more talented writers to read or listen to them.

As numerous people have written he is incapable of writing an intelligible comment let alone a full story.

He is obviously well educated and has laboriously studiedwriting techniques yet lacks courage and talent to compose his own story.

He would rather take potshots at new authors and trade insults with those who disagree with him that even attempt a flash story

This was a really well-written story with an entirely novel and believable story line featuring well-rounded and complex characters, and a nicely paced plot.

Isn't it odd how so many of the commentators insist that the protagonist be exactly like the they want, with no flaws? I wonder what would happen if any of them ever read King Lear...

All of the characters rang true and Laura and her mother were a fascinating duo. Now, to be sure, I wouldn't want to meet either of them in a hotel lobby, let alone a dark alley, but they were perfectly drawn---I know them by different names.

Well done, thanks.

Rich People Problems, right?

I never watched any of those shows - I'm not rich and I just can't relate. So, that's my problem with the story, even though the telling was excellent. It's about people I cannot relate to in any fashion.

I'd love to see a story from you about normal people. No rich people. No computer expert hackers. No Navy Seals. Just normal people. Because you do know how to tell a story.

All your comments forget that Laura was a cheating unfaithful SLUT . And good old Warren was a backstabbing Cunt . And slimey at that. . A high powered bullet from a distance would suit him . Nah ! That's too easy .

I've read hundreds of stories on Literotica, including great ones from Ohio, TxTallTales, Rehnquist (maybe THE best?), samslam, Cat5, and others that stand out from the usual. Spyauth is right up there.

What I was going to say about the story itself is said by avidfa 3 comments before me.

However, there were numerous places where I scanned through long paragraphs about feelings/attitudes where I got the gist with just a beginning statement and middle and/or random statement. Or menus or explanations or sites or geography that did not contribute to plot (I thought it was a great plot).

Unlike some, did not react to Laura as PRIMARILY selfish (aren't we all to a certain extent?). The wanting out of her marriage IS me-first. Maybe desire for baby? But as I read her desire to give Bill someone in place of her as a soft landing -- that was love (she did not ruthlessly drop him). Did not get idea was guilt motivated till the (erroneous IMO) comments. How can she introduce her replacement without conniving? "Hey, I think you should get in contact with your old girlfriend"(?!!). And he needs to be in contact BEFORE the divorce bomb falls.

I wonder if Bill advanced his timetable for children to stick it to or I'll- show-you to Laura. He was not considerate with her before. Or he learned and so was more pliable with 2nd wife? Aren't told so can't know.

I felt most for Laura in the tale. Least for Warren -- a marriage-wrecker. Laura's mom the most colorful (although as avidfa remarks, might not want to know her). Just to be able to make these character remarks shows how well defined/described characters are.

To me it's a they-all-lived-happily-ever-after tale. But, as some have pointed out, it would take a sequel to prove that. But leaving it as-is would be OK for me.

Paul in Oklahoma

yes, she was a manipulative cowardly scheming duplicitous hard headed bitch, but she use that to not only sooth her own guilt, but to (as she put it) ease her husband's pain. And she got to experience, not being cheated on, but an aallmmost similar feeling. so, she was a fun character. not 2-dimensional. but she'll still be the person that didn't have a real dialogue with her partner or attempt real counseling before she had decided to burn bridges.

It lloks like everyone ended up where they were supposed to be. I did wonder why Bill was ready for kids so quickly. Maybe deep down he really was only ready ro have them with one woman.

The author mentioned in the forward to the story that he was long-winded. What an understatement that was. In spite of the excessive length of the story I did read it all the way through. And I thought it was boring as hell. I didn’t find one single character in this story I could give a flip about. Just not my kind of story, I guess.

There wasn't one person throughout the entire story that had one lick of honesty in them. Everything everyone did was for their own gain regardless of how it hurt anyone else. Wealthy lowlife.

finish it.

Laura and Warren are two of the more reprehensible individuals I have come across in Literotica. It is a pity you didn't have a more gruesome or twisted ending for them.

Excellent story with a good ending.

I think we need to hear Laura & Warren's story. Gotta be a lot of angst there. I don't think Laura:s a bad person. Curious to hear the transition. They don't really know each other... Sequel?

Lame characters at best. Never could connect with any of them - emotionally stunted.

Good plot. Not a whole lot beyond that.

to write a 7+ page story and create no likeable characters? I must admit to scanning a bit after the fourth page since self centered people are not particularly interesting. The love of money may not truly be the root of all evil but it's influence in this story is consistently destructive. My best hope for them all is financial calamity. Each of their lives is diminished by wealth and the influence it buys. Poverty might bring some much needed clarity to their views of themselves and their place in the world.

I was hoping that Warren would meet & fall in love with someone else while he was out of the country, leaving Laura by herself.

Tracy was the only semi-likable character. And maybe Sheila. Laura was a poor little rich girl who was figuratively stomping her foot; Warren isn't smitten with me, husband isn't paying as much attention to me as he should, I want a baby now...

If having a kid was so important, (and it is/was) she should have sat Bill down and set a deadline. I have a friend who did just that with his ex-wife.

Warren may have "loved" Laura, but I find it hard to believe that she truly "loves" him. He just didn't react to her the way every other swinging dick did and that pissed her off. Laura's mother... WOW, glad I never ran into someone like her.

Ending was far too abrupt. Hope all the children involved grow up to be better people.

Somehow, you made me like the story. Every one of these characters cut some major corners in life, and I think they all got more happiness in the end than they deserved. Bill and Warren both made early cold blooded decisions to not pursue relationships in favor of their careers. Later, Laura and Tracy were both all in for manipulating Bill even though they knew the hurt that they could and did cause, at least temporarily. Tracy arguably was somewhat more moral, but she still knew she was going to hurt Bill in the short term to get what she wanted. Nice job!

An innovative story, the ending a bit rushed but all & all well done.

Ending rushed. No repercussions for the Warren or Laura.

And every day after he left he thanked god to be well rid of the manipulative head case, sort of felt sorry for warren, but not really that much.

I don't want a BTB but give us something! She really did get her everything she wanted, why not at least have it that she and Warren had trouble conceiving while Bill and Tracy are having a kid. Give us the "living well is the best revenge" ending this needs. Instead it is just average.

Honestly, such a stupid story with irredeemable main characters.

Laura was an out and out cunt. The only possible ending in fantasyland( which is where this book is) is to find out that Laura’s life fell into a ditch. Warren wasn’t the white knight but just another cunt who chased married women. He gets Laura pregnant and then continues to fuck around.

That’s the pain of loss that Laura deserved.

Would’ve been the better story, by far.

Glad you haven’t posted here anymore. Good luck.

Only the second story written yet this writer thinks he is an expert in dealing with cheating whores stories.

Seems like a new cuck writer on the block

Agree with Wargamer's comment

Their careers sank their marriage from the beginning. He was entirely sel absorbed. NO marriage can survive the absence of emotional and physical report, and, worse, dismissive behavior she wanted kids he agreed then, tacitly, was going to make it impossible; she hits 32-35 goodbye to pregnancy.

What I blame her for is this idiotic plot to "cushion" him from the divorce. Total lack of integrity and clear moral cowardice.

This convoluted plot was, in my opinion far to lengthy and should have been truncated. .

I likened to the thought of Laura having problems conceiving and her precious Warren having other dalliances would have been the icing on the cake.

Tracy was the real deal from the very beginning.

No way that Laura and Warren have a lengthy happy marriage.