Learning About Myself Pt. 02

Liz phoned.

"I would like you to come shopping with me." It seemed an odd way of putting it to a friend but I was still nervous with her after her watching me and Paul letting her try out spanking on me. I let it go.

"Yes. Ok. I'll check with Paul, just a moment."

I turned and asked him if it was all right and he nodded.

"The mall?"

"Yes. I need some kitchen equipment. Maybe some clothes. I'll pick you up in an hour. By the way, have you had your spanking this morning? What do you call them, I've forgotten?" Liar!

"Maintenance spankings."

"Well, have you?"

"Yes."

"An hour then. See you then."

Unexpectedly Paul then told me to sit down and he sat and talked.

"You weren't fully satisfied when you were watched being spanked were you?"

"I.. I was to start with."

"What was the problem?"

"Our normal situation, our normal.. well, ritual, was changed. I had become accepting with it. It felt good having that routine. It changed."

"I understand, but you need to adjust and accommodate change Hannah. It's not going to be exactly the same each time. Is that why you wanted to suck me, even though Liz was there?"

"Yes. It was... comforting."

"Liz wants to punish you. You realise that, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Well you need to come to terms with it. It isn't going to affect me and you. She wants to learn and you need to experience being punished by someone else having authority over you as well as me."

"Do you want her? Do you want to leave me?"

"What!!?" Total shock and indignation. Even I could see that he was surprised by the question. "My God girl, no I don't, I am not going to leave you and certainly not for Liz!" He laughed. Then he touched my cheek softly and rubbed it.

"No Hannah. I am not going to leave you. I want you, only you. However you deserve a spanking for asking me, even thinking it. When you get back you will follow our ritual to the letter."

"Thank you, Sir." I felt both pleased and guilty that I had asked the question. I was looking forward to him dealing with my silliness.

When Liz came I was wearing the top and cotton skirt that Paul had specified. He wouldn't allow me underwear and I had to put the butt plug in. I couldn't stop clenching around it and it made me clench my vaginal muscles too making me wet. She would see I wasn't wearing a bra, everyone would, I felt as though everyone could also tell I wasn't wearing knickers or had the plug in, and the gusset would soak up most of any juices I leaked. It did make me swing my hips rather a lot more than usual though. Wearing the plain white scoop neck top with thin straps tank in the mall would be excruciating, even in the car sitting next to Liz was bad enough. When I sat down on the seat the plug pushed deeper and I had to be careful not to gasp. Although I was fully dressed, already aware of Liz's glances at my virtually naked breasts, my nipples were becoming more and more obvious, jutting out like pebbles. She'd seen me naked, I knew, but seeing me obviously showing off my body like a slut plus my knowledge that I was being one was the problem and it didn't get any easier.

We drove in virtual silence. I watched the passing scenes desperately to take my mind of f the situation. The vibrations of the car passed up the plug and were too pleasant although it was extremely embarrassing. She had seen me naked, seen me punished, seen me being a slut. I couldn't stop these thoughts.

"I'm looking forward to spanking you again." omigod! I felt myself clench suddenly. "Yes I'm hoping Paul will let me try you out again." I knew I had been expecting her to say it or something like this, but I still couldn't believe we were having this conversation. My mouth felt dry. I tried to dampen it. "I never realised the pleasure in it." She laughed. "Just thinking it was something kinky that only pervs got a kick out of, but now, well now I know. By the way, have you been sucking cock much lately?"

My blush deepened. "Yes."

"You were quite a good little cock sucker from what I could see. You took it deep. i thought you would gag but you didn't. Do you like sucking cock?"

"Yes." My voice just a whisper.

We drove in silence again for a while. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her smiling to herself. We pulled into the mall car park and she parked.

"Yes, Han, I thought watching you was the limit, seeing your cheeks getting pinker and pinker and you getting off on it, but doing it was amazing. My hand isn't as strong as Paul's, I'll need some implement, like a spatula or something." My eyes were wide. My blush deep. "You'll have to look out for something in the mall for me. That's why I wanted you to come. You'll be a good little girl for me too, won't you?"

"Yes." I whispered and swallowed through a tight throat. "I'll try."

A couple of days ago I was convinced that I would not be able to do this, now it seemed as if I was even accepting her telling me what I was to do. I couldn't believe how pliant I was now.

"I know you will, and if you don't succeed we will have ways of making you improve won't we?" She laughed at her own joke. I nodded at the windscreen still breathing rapidly. "I know you'll find something that you'd like, and I think you'll be a good girl and we'll all enjoy ourselves." Our relation had certainly changed. There was nothing I could do about it. We certainly still had a relationship but not the one we had. She was my friend but I wasn't in control anymore. I wasn't sure who was. I wanted Paul's hand at my cheek comfortingly, his thumb surreptitiously slipping between my lips to suckle on as he did. I was giving in, an acceptance. I grew hot.

We got out of the car began walking to the entrance. My mind wouldn't forget the plug.

"You do realise that your tits and nipples are bloody obvious in that top don't you?"

I looked at the ground. "Yes. Its the material rubbing."

"So why didn't you wear a bra?"

"Paul. Paul told me not to."

"Did you have a choice?"

"No."

"Do you like having not having a choice?"

"Yes." Looking at her directly before lowering my eyes to the ground. "Yes I do."Beginning to understand my place.

In the mall I saw men looking at my nipples and I tried not to cover up. Liz might tell Paul, but even if she didn't I felt that I shouldn't. I liked the fact they could see. It wasn't only men either. I saw women looking, mainly with some indignation, but not always so. On the escalators I was very conscious of anyone seeing up my skirt. We wandered around until we found a larger kitchen shop.

Inside Liz browsed with me hanging behind her.

"What about this? Would this hurt?" She had a pink silicone spatula in her hand. She showed me how flexible it was. I blushed like a teenager. She smacked her hand with it, then mine. I wanted to hide.

"Yes. It would sting, Liz, certainly."

"I thought so. So, we need things that sting and things that hurt more?" I didn't know what to say and took the easy way out and nodded. We spent long minutes walking around and looking a spoons and fish slices and spatulas of all kinds. The silicon ones all had thicker handles that grew wider in the middle which amused her. "At least there will always be a place that you can keep these ready!" She said suggestively. I blushed even deeper.

By the time we had finished in this shop she had chosen the pink silicon spatula, another more sturdy green silicon one, and two wooden spoons of different sizes. She made me buy them and I did so like a school girl buying condoms.

"That's a good girl. Now we can use them on you whenever we need to." She said too loudly as the girl gave me my receipt. The girl looked at me. I blushed.

In a stationery shop she had me buy a couple of flexible plastic rulers. At the cash till, "Whippy, aren't they? I bet they sting you." This girl laughed.

Soon after, thankfully, she received a call from David and decided that she needed to get home. She dropped me off at the house and as soon as I went inside, undressed and stood in my place. I felt that I needed a good hard spanking.

I was on the carpet, kneeling naked at his feet.

"I have told Liz that she can come around on Sunday and punish you. For my pleasure. And for hers obviously. David will be there too. She will punish you and probably touch you too."

"But I am not a lesbian. I haven't been touched by another woman." I felt a little argumentative.

"I don't think she is, do you? There are things in life one has to accept. Though you never would have said you were a submissive who likes being spanked would you?" I looked down, knowing he was right, though not liking it. "She won't push you further than I have but she will have a different perspective. Anything I have had you do you will do for her too."

"She hasn't a cock." Almost defiant. Not quite anyhow. "She cant do everything you do."

"Don't get cheeky! Be careful. Anyhow there are ways she could though I doubt thats on the agenda. Remember, no refusals, no complaints, no half hearted attempts. If there is, you understand that you will embarrass me and I will severely punish you."

"Are you giving me up?"

"You are and will still be mine. My little subby. But I will also have you to submit to her."

"You really promise?"

"Yes. I really promise. You belong to me. Do you want that? Knowing I have control over you?"

"Yes. Yes I want your control. I can now admit that I have enjoyed all this, you know it, can see it, but what does that say about me, especially now you want me to be shared? Am I just some kind of easy slut to you, one who'll drop her knickers for the first man or woman who comes along?" Tears stung my eyes, the feeling of panic rose in my throat.

"You should realise that you are not just some easy slut, you are my slut. Not any slut but mine. You will be my obedient slut. You will never drop your knickers for anyone unless I tell you to, never have a cock in you just because you fancy it. Not unless you are told to. Understand?"
I looked up at him, "You mean all that?"

"Can you play with yourself when you want?"

"No."

"You accept that you cant do anything you want sexually now without having my permission or ordered. Can you?"

"No." I looked up at him feeling that dominance over me. "Liz cant put her cock in me."

"No, not her cock, but having sex is still possible isn't it?"

"She's a woman though! I've not... I don't know if I can." I realised that he was making me begin to think of it as happening, as he often could, of accepting what he was saying even before I had fully accepted his control of it. Considering others using me but him still loving me, owning me. It shook me.

"You can. You have already to some extent. She spanked you didn't she?"

"Yes, alright. What will she make me do?"

"I don't know. You'll have to find out."

"I just can't imagine... It was bad enough her watching me being the spanked. And you... you displaying me like that."

"Don't be silly, you are always so beautifully wet. You enjoy being exposed to her, just like in the park to that man, I know you. I enjoy letting her see you. I will expect you to be just as obedient. Now you will think about it and after dinner you will stand naked against the window until you give me a 'yes' or a 'no'."

"Well?"

"What about David?"

"You need not be obedient to David, just Liz.She calls the shots in that household."

"Thank you."

"Don't worry, he wont fuck you. But I will allow him to see you like Liz does now and perhaps touch you. I will allow you to touch him and suck him if and when Liz wishes." That caught me off guard, I hadn't thought of that. Things were swirling again. "You'll be embarrassed and excited enough by his presence, his knowledge, his touch, that will be sufficient. At least for now!" He laughed when he added the last part and I was afraid to ask him what it meant.

"Don't worry, it wont affect us. You're still mine but at times I will allow Liz to punish you for her own enjoyment as well as mine. And yours of course. You know perfectly well it isn't just for ours." I thought, God, he was devious!

"It will help you to learn to submit. Submit because you want to, not because you love me. You'll have to learn to take more responsibility for ensuring everything goes well so that Liz and me are pleased by you. When you are submitting to someone outside your normal relationship you need to think about that. The responsibility you have to please and be pleasing. I will expect the same obedience and respect to her as you give me and I will expect you to work at it all. Understand?"

"Yes." I thought a while. It wasn't just obeying I realised. I needed to offer myself more fully. I probably took it for granted that Paul would be pleased. "Are you sure it's not just a way of getting rid of me?" I looked at him carefully.

"Be careful! I want you. Don't ask me that again! I just want to see you more submissive. This is a safe way to do it. Liz wont say anything, you aren't at risk. If there is a problem I'll stop it immediately."

"It will affect our relationship, the one between her and me."

"She sees you in a different light anyhow. Now, I want to know if you accept?"

I knew our relationship had changed. I was trying to comprehend this new Liz still. "And it will be on Sunday, if I agree?"

"Yes. You trust me?"

"Of course."

"And you trust me to look after you?"

"Yes."

"You will be giving over more control to me, of not only who you will obey but also of what others can do with you. It may feel as if I am whoring you, and in a way I am, but I am both broadening you and letting you fully understand my control over you. What does your body tell you?"

I looked down and actually blushed.

The fullness of it all had passed me by somewhere. My breathing was out of synchronisation. I looked up at him again, stared at him and he looked at me naked, kneeling on the floor by his feet. I rested my hot face on his thigh. In some ways I already realised I was part way there. He already controlled how much and what other people saw of me. My body had been displayed naked for him and Liz and the man in the park. David and Liz had seen me naked, even watched me being spanked, she had spanked me a little, even seen the wetness on my fingers after I had fingered myself in front of her." God I wanted to hide. I shivered.

"Yes. I will accept it. I will give you this control." There, it was said. His hand softly caressed my cheek.

"One more thing. I will expect you to call me 'Sir' from now on whenever we are alone or with Liz. You are to call her 'Miss' unless she gives you another name to use.

When Paul and I had talked about it, thats what it was talk. Over the next few days it dawned on me that the reality was actually real. It would happen when Paul decided, that I might not know beforehand, having already agreed. At times I half expected Liz to walk in there and then and start telling me what to do, ridiculous as I knew it to be, at others I thought it would never happen and I was safe, it was just a discussion about possibilities. My face continued to embarrass me by blushing all the time. I had blushed more in the last couple of months than in the entirety of my previous life.

With Paul I had accepted my place, I was his sexual submissive. It felt good, it made me happy, it made me satisfied. With Liz and David there was a zone of uncertainty now. They had seen me as I was. Sex had intruded, yet not fully either, we were in a kind of limbo.

The following Monday was warm and after dinner Paul announced that we were going to the park. I had butterflies in my stomach as normal. Paul found a front buttoned black skirt and thin cardigan and I wore suspenders and stockings and a thong. We parked the car but didn't go into the woods first as normal but sat at the edge of the trees in a quiet area. It was away from the people but had a couple of benches near each other with two opposite across a stretch of grass and flowers.

We sat on one of the benches and he began quizzing me about where I had petted as a teenager and what things had made me horny then. I lost track of everything as I talked but suddenly he put his finger in my mouth, stopping me and making me immediately aware of my submissiveness. I sat looking at his chest, not daring to look at his eyes. The fingers in my mouth had taken on a wide complexion of meanings and responses. A single finger made me aware of his dominance in a passive sort of way, quietly accepting my submission. If it slid in and out it caused my stomach to liquify and made me very aware of my responsiveness to him. Two, or more, fingers in my mouth, specially moving, felt more demonstratively and aggressively dominant and I found myself becoming extremely submissive.

"There is a man watching us, sitting opposite. Don't look at him. Don't look at him at all. In a minute you will look towards him but look at the ground, never at his face. Do you understand?"

I nodded my head. His finger began to slide in and out of my mouth as if he was finger fucking me. I realised that if the man was watching he would be able see this, know about me, know what I was. I blushed at the shame.

Paul's finger came out of my mouth slowly. "Kiss me". As always now I did as I was told, wanting to kiss him and wanting to do as he wanted. One of his hands held me behind my neck, his lips were hot on mine and he slid his tongue inside my mouth. I suddenly remembered the man and my face went hot again but I also knew my pussy was responding.

I felt his hand at my throat and then lower as he began opening my cardigan buttons. He undid them past my tits and I did nothing to stop him. I was breathing heavily but I had gradually become used to my body being put on display. He slid his cool hand inside, taking possession of my tits, squeezing, making me gasp into his mouth. The man would see and I was totally embarrassed but I had to let him and I was excited his hands on my tits and by the man seeing what I shouldn't allow him to. He would see I was letting Paul do what he wanted with me. He'd know what I was. I was arching my back, pushing my tits onto his hand and pressing against his mouth. Paul pulled my tits out, exposed them fully, fondled them. His mouth pulled away from mine. He still held my head with one hand, my breathing was rapid. My naked tit in his hand.

"Sit facing forward, towards the man." I vaguely saw the figure of the stranger sitting opposite as I turned. He wasn't far away, a couple of small flower beds and a strip of grass. My tits sticking out not covered by my cardigan, my eyes on the flower bed between us. The man watching. I realised my hands were shaking as I did as I was told. Paul was making me do this. Liz had seen me acting like a slut. Now this man, this stranger. But I didn't stop him, didn't move away, didn't cover myself. He could see my tits in the evening light. I was showing them. It was so shameful showing my tits like this. I clearly remembered Paul's finger going in and out of my mouth, the saliva all over my chin.

"Touch your tits. Hold them. Present them to the man." Again I did as I was told but only after forcing myself. I was almost ready to run. He was watching I knew. I felt horny and humiliated, getting hotter by the minute. I thought of David looking at me. I held up my tits to the stranger, offering them. I was a slut.

"He's got his cock out. He's wanking. The sight of you is making him wank. You can look at his cock but don't frighten him off by looking him in the eye." I looked, shyly almost. Paul was right, he had his cock out of his trousers and was holding it, rubbing it. It was hard, hard and dark pink. He was rubbing himself because of me, my body. It was exciting him. My stomach clenched as looked. I still held my tits, presenting them for this stranger to see. Paul began undoing the buttons on my skirt. From the bottom up. With each button opened I felt the material fall a little bit more down the side of my thighs. I looked down quickly and saw the whites of my thighs above the stockings and looked back quickly at the cock being wanked.