All Comments on 'Learning About Susan'

Can't wait for part 2

good first story!

This has a really good story line and good characters. You have just enough detail to fill us in before getting to the action. You should definitely do a part 2. I would not think that Bobby would be upset if you were to include him.

Definitely continue with another chapter.

Great start

Looking forward to the next instalment

I stopped reading when you wrote "your" instead of "you're."

This may seem petty but I hate that people either do not know the difference or are too lazy to proof read their own work before publishing.

You definitely need an editor. Porsche was spelled wrong, you used the word consultation instead of consolation, etc. The dialogue felt unnatural.

Need to read some other stoqries, no one writes the names of the person each time they speak. No need to tell me Bob is talking to Alice each time they speak when they are only ones in the room. Get rid of that and you have a good story.

Very hot story. Looking forward to more. Just spruce things up as suggested by the constructive criticism below, but don't lose that spark. Hot stuff!

This was an interesting story that can develop into something beautiful. I love mother-daughter relations, but if Bobby is nice, he can play too. And maybe Kai will like anal more than her mom..

Needs And Editor, needs AN editor, also but that is nit picking. Using your for you’re and then for than ETC,. ETC., ETC. drives many readers crazy trying to figure out what the author is saying is frustrating.