Learning Curve

Oh God, she thought. He was about to get an even better glimpse at how aroused she was.

Chapter 8

"I'm really glad that we still do coffee. I really enjoy these little chats."

"Yeah, me too."

Shyla paused a moment. She'd been wondering about something. "So, do you enjoy being dominant?"

He almost coughed it seemed, caught a little off-guard. Although they were much more comfortable with each other now, through the sheer force of it all, they were still quite awkward verbally.

After the first session, most of their study time was just that – studying. He resorted to punishment much less often, usually towards the end of the night when her focus was beginning to fade. The rest of their time was spent intensely studying. He avoided small talk with her during the time that was reserved for studying.

On top of that, the addition of preparation time for their sessions had consumed all of their remaining free time. For her, it was homework that he would give her between then and the next session. For him, it was writing homeworks, preparing questions, planning out their sessions. It had prevented them from finding any new social time despite their new private habits together.

Obviously, their communication had not been forced into high gear as quickly as other elements of their friendship had been. But, the process of asking him to help her and of him originally suggesting the bondage sessions, as well as the enormous amount of time spent together had all helped some.

Still, they always avoided talking about their sessions during coffee. She presumed that he wanted them to have some time that they spent together where the bondage and classwork were excluded. As far as she could tell, it might have actually been part of his plans for helping her learn the material; he may have felt it necessary for success. And she had never raised the subject over coffee, except to set times for their next meeting. And that was always phrased as if they were simply getting together to study, and nothing more special than that.

"I guess so." He responded. "I do, yes. But I don't like...Hmm, how to explain... I have a hard time dominating someone until I am certain that's what they want. Maybe that means the answer is no? I think to be a 'dominant' you are supposed to step into their space and take charge, right? That's sort of the opposite."

"Also, I don't really like to scare. I don't see the point, really. In our case, we sort of found a point, a reason why it can be a useful tool. But normally, I think no."

She pondered his answer. It didn't really explain any of what she was actually getting at. For the many sessions they'd had, he had never taken off his clothes, or tried to pursue her past the same techniques he'd always used. He restricted himself. Even though she had told him no limits, he seemed to have solid ones he had put in place himself. She was impressed, actually, that he had stuck to them. Maybe she was just that unattractive, she considered, that it wasn't so hard. It would probably make her feel like he was doing her a favor, and nothing more, but he did flirt sometimes over coffee. Nothing pertaining to the sessions, just playfulness. It might have been sympathy flirting to keep her spirits up.

"Were you hoping for more dominance?"

She brought her mind back to the conversation. "No. No, I was just wondering. No, I think you are very good at it, you don't need to worry." She considered how to rephrase to figure out what she really wanted to know. She couldn't think of anything. She didn't want coffee to turn awkward. She had spoken the truth, he was good at his part, or at least she thought so. There wasn't much more to say on the subject. She gave up for now, hoping that having danced on the subject might get him to open it up again at some point, and then maybe she could ask more directly.

Chapter 9

Shyla sat in her familiar chair, the same one she'd claimed for the previous examination. The test was about to arrive into her hands.

She realized her palms were sweaty. She was highly emotional, and knew that wasn't going to help.

The test arrived. She threw it down onto the desk and went to dig in. As she started writing her name, she snapped that she had failed to pass the rest of the pile to the person behind her. Slightly embarrassed she grabbed the pile behind the page with her name and separated it, handing them to the next student.

She wrote her name. She started reading. She couldn't make it entirely through the first sentence before her mind drifted to her fears, her worries. That made her feel out of control, and her mind drifted further. But after a few moments, she told herself to focus. It worked for a moment. Then after another sentence her focus was gone again.

She was on the verge of panic, she wanted to run out screaming, admitting to the world her dirty little secret, that she was a failure. She didn't know what to do. Focus, she told herself again. She made herself attempt the first problem.

She recognized it. It was ok, she knew this. Or she thought she knew it. What if she'd spent too much time playing around with Edan in something that shethoughtwas an exotic solution to her problem, and in reality had just wasted the time she should have been studying on whatever she had wanted to be doing? Oh God. Focus, she told herself, at least try, she thought.

She completed the first and second problem. The third problem was less familiar to her. She started wondering if all the long hours of pain just hadn't been enough. She felt like she'd worked so hard, but maybe it just wasn't enough. She should have put in more time.

Suddenly, she felt something. She felt something in her private area. It was a tingling. She knew immediately what it was. Edan had given her a bottle. The bottle was completely unmarked, and contained something watery, or oily. He had given her explicit instructions that before the exam, she was to go into the girl's bathroom and rub some of it on her private self. It had aroused her a little, to be in the bathroom, touching herself on his instructions. She'd paused to rub her clit a little. Not knowing what the oil was had left her pondering what effect it would have, and so she'd taken the time to lower her skirt in a private stall and watch herself as she put it on. As she rubbed the oil on, and felt herself, she kept thinking that this was a similar view to what Edan had in session with her. It left her aroused.

Now, she felt a tingling. The oil must have had some sort of...delayed reaction. It made her shift in her seat a little. It reminded her of Edan. She became frightened – what other effects would this have? What would it to do her? Was it going to force her to get up and go to the bathroom? Or something more embarrassing, was it going to...affect...her down there? Would she soon find herself moaning uncontrollably and touching herself in the middle of the exam? What kind of mystery lotion was this, she wondered. Well, all that was a pretty tall order from an oil, she reasoned. She put it out of her mind, but she now had a solid reminder of Edan. She could feel him, the tingling he had decided to give her, in the place where he liked to give her sensations.

She closed her eyes. She pictured herself alone in the bedroom with Edan. She pictured the silence. She imagined herself waiting for him. She imagined that she was on the timer, that she had 30 minutes until he returned and punished her. She wanted him to see her good work. She wanting him to see that she had not wasted the 30 minutes. So many times she had wasted it, or done a poor job. She'd spent many of those 30 minute opportunities running the same sort of thoughts through her head that were now hitting her. Fears upon fears. Fears of fears.

Then she pictured him at the doorway. She pictured him walking over to her.

"This is a special session." He said, in her imagination.

"I am her to keep you on task." He said in a dominating, more threatening voice than he usually took.

"You do not have a half hour. Instead, you will be punished every time you lose focus. Each time I will come in. And I will whip you once. Each time harder. If you stay focused, I won't appear at all until you are done, and then I will be proud of you. If I have to come in too many times, I will start ripping your clothes off. Right there, in front of the other students. If you focus, I'll reward you. If you focus, I'll reach down there, and touch you with my own fingers. Then I'll massage every inch of your body. Then..."

She wished he could be there. She repeated the words again in her mind, picturing him saying them. The idea had settled in. She was starting to feel the fear of him, instead of all the other fears, and the wish to please him. She didn't know if she could pass her test or succeed in her classes, but she knew she could please him with really hard work, even if just slightly.

She opened her eyes and saw only her exam, and his voice.

Chapter 10

Mark and Edan were walking back to their car. Edan had been noticeably quiet, his mind obviously adrift.

Mark decided to break the monotony. Maybe he could even get Edan to open up about what was troubling him. "You know, I'm trying to take your advice man."

"What advice?"

"About not following the leader. Thinking more for myself."

"Oh, Mark, I didn't really mean I thought you—"

"No, no it's alright. It doesn't matter how much I do or don't do it, it's one of those things that can always be improved."

"Hmm. I think I'm full of crap man."

"How so?"

"I try to do things differently and I just end up confused and lost by myself."

"Yo, what's up man?"

"Going off and doing things 'my way' has just left me with no herd to guide me. I've gotten myself into a more confusing situation. Uncharted territory."

"Well, is itgooduncharted territory, or are we talking about the Sahara desert here?"

Their conversation was interrupted as they entered the car, Edan driving.

"Yeah, it's good. It's a nice luscious valley, really."

"Wow, well hey that's good man."

"Yeah, except I'm lost in it and don't know my way around. Plus I'm running out of resources."

"I think your analogy is a little too broad man. I haven't got a clue what you're talking about."

"Hmm, well. Yeah I don't think I do either."

"Well, I suppose what you're describing is what happens when you don't follow the crowd, there are advantages lost. The herd is good at finding grass, and well protected, you know. Being on your own may have some advantages, but it means you have to do everything alone, too, and figure everything out on your own. Not fun, that's probably why people stick to the herd. Going it alone is hard work. Is it paying off?"

Edan smiled and thought about his answer for a moment. "Yes, it's worth it. I'm just afraid that I'm going to fail in the goal. I have the weight of another person's fate on my hands, and I'm going to feel terrible if I mess this up."

"Who's the other person?"

"That girl I told you about. Shyla. I'm trying to help her pass her algebra class, I've been tutoring her."

"Oh. Seems pretty straightforward. Just teach her the material."

"You'd think. Funny how seemingly simple things can be really complicated."

"Getting pretty wrapped up in this aren't you? You're already helping her. Now it's up to her to succeed, not you."

"Oh I'm all too well aware of that. I can't do it for her. But, my part is to be a good teacher, and I feel a big obligation to do my part right. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that I have the faintest clue that I know what I'm doing."

"Every teacher and every student is different. Hard to say what makes a good one other than what works for you."

"Yeah. My teaching method might be on the other side of the moon from being the right approach."

"What's your method?"

"Let's just say I'm trying to use my charm to motivate her."

"Ahhh... I see. See, you went and made it personal. Always dangerous."

"Not sure... It's more like it's personal for her, not for me. I make sure she doesn't get any feedback from me, otherwise I'd be intermixed with the part where it actually depends on her, and I want to make sure not to take on the student's role, only the teacher's role."

"Yeah, makes sense. Sounds like you've got it figured out pretty well man, that's an important part of being a teacher – not taking the success or failure of the student on yourself."

"Yeah well maybe. That's one element of it. But that's like a drop of water in the ocean, doesn't really address whether I've got the rest of it right."

"Well, Edan, you can always rejoin a herd."

"Yeah, I know. It's constantly worrying me that I should give up on my pompous, self-serving need to do things my own way and return to the conventional. Especially with someone else involved."

"If you were really being pompous and self-serving, I don't think you'd be worrying about it."

Without knowing any of the details of what was going on, or even being aware that Edan was doing somethingveryunconventional, he'd offered him a little reassurance. It was impressive that he'd been able to discuss it through analogy and actually get useful advice out of it. Now if only analogies were a working mechanism for communicating with Shyla, that would be really helpful.

Chapter 11

Shyla knocked on the door. Edan opened and let her in. They immediately began discussing the exam she had just received back. Edan instructed her to hand the exam to him. She didn't want to, but knew better than to refuse. She had told him no limits, and that made it difficult for her to hide from him as long as he was paying attention.

The grade was an improvement over her first exam, but was not good enough. She'd accomplished a C-. Averaged with her first exam and most of her homework, she had already calculated that it was not going to bring her up enough to pass the class.

Edan sat down at the dining table. He parsed through the exam, cold and emotionless. He focused more intensely on it than she had while taking the exam.

After a long time of carefully looking through it, he set it down and stared past her. He was clearly contemplating the situation. Shyla began trying to speak, trying to make him feel better or something... She offered some excuses. She wanted so badly for him to be proud and excited for her, not disappointed. But she had failed, yet again, in accomplishing that.

He listened and nodded, but did not say a word. She finally gave up after speaking for several minutes.

"You have only the final exam and some homeworks remaining."

"Your homework is worth 30%. Your final is worth 30%. We're going to have to do better."

"Yes, sir." She said meekly.

"I must pause and ask if you want to continue this approach to working on your grade. We've tried it through one of your exams, you've had a chance to see what it's like and whether it would work. It's up to you, do you want to continue?"

"Yes, sir." She responded, still looking towards the floor. He had never commanded her to address him as sir, nor did she typically do so, but at the moment she was frightened, and trying to smooth over her failure as best she could.

"No limits?"

Secretly, she became slightly excited. Were things going to change? Perhaps this might break him free to "explore" more options with her.

"Yes, sir, whatever you believe is necessary."

"I will require more of your time. From now on, I will dictate your schedule. For now, you will spend 3 nights a week here, and for the remaining 2 weeknights you will be studying on your own. The following night when you arrive here you will be quizzed for the studies while you were away."

"Yes, sir. I can do that."

"Good. Go into the bedroom and begin studying. We're beginning with Chapter 1 again."

"Ok."

He paused for a moment.

"I will begin giving you exams of my own. They will be comprehensive, covering material from the beginning of the course. Although I do not often punish you during studies anymore, unless you lose focus, you will be treated differently during our exams. Your exams will be broken into several segments, which I will grade as you work. If you fall behind, or answer incorrectly, you will be punished while you continue to work. The farther behind you fall, the harder it will be to catch up while I am still tormenting you. Also... On exams, you will be punished more harshly than you are accustomed to."

More harshly, she thought? At least she would get practice with the pressures of the exam. But her hope for some relief, a little return from him, were dashed. It sounded as if he was even further from wanting to give her what her body was craving.

It was alright, she trusted him. Allowing him to guide her studies meant that she no longer had to consider the many conflicting pieces of advice her friends offered. She no longer had to sift through it all, or reconsider her approach. She had only the small subset to worry about, the process of learning. The rest was left to her teacher, Edan. Although his system for teaching her had not solved her problem, it had brought her to a C. She thought that quite sufficient to prove that he was helping, and was more than enough for her to be willing to let him continue.

Edan was not feeling nearly as confident that he could really help her.

Chapter 12

Four months had passed since they had begun their "study sessions". Although she never gave details, that's what she always called them to her friends who had observed the large amount of time they spent together. She had allowed Edan to try and do anything he felt helpful to help her learn. He could have taken her at his will, but he had continually stopped short of that, in fact he had remained impressively detached and had always managed to stop himself from indulging in what was right before him, aside from whatever pleasure he was gleaming from being able to see her naked and controlling the instruments which punished her.

It was quite strange, she'd thought. Most men would act on an opportunity that included far less than her being tied to a bed naked and obviously aroused. But Edan had not. She could see it in his eyes that he wanted her, quite desperately. Yet he always managed to keep himself from acting beyond his mission to help her.

At almost every session, when she felt herself aroused and desperate for some relief, she would have welcomed advances from him. If nothing else, in every session she desperately yearned for some relief for the punishment, she would have accepted him for that alone. Yet he never acted.

She had concluded that he was simply not attracted to her. That he viewed what he was doing as a favor, or a service, and that he liked her as a friend, but apparently, nothing more.

They continued their weekly coffee meetings, but they continued to avoid most personal subjects, and especially as a subject came closer and closer to discussion about their secret private time together. It was still an opportunity to get to know one another a little better, but the whole thing had become strange. It felt very odd that they should be getting to know each other so slowly when they knew each other – or at least he knew her – so intimately.

Now her class was over. She would find out her final grade within a few more days. She had found that her focus, concentration, and motivation to study could all be helped by their sessions. She had contemplated asking him for help with other issues, things that only indirectly affected her grade. She even pondered whether his sessions could help her solve personal problems, things such as bad habits or problems she simply struggled with. She wanted to, curious whether he could find more creative solutions to more of her problems, but she held back. She didn't want to rock the boat, and didn't want to impose on him to have to devote more time and effort into solving problems that were really hers to tackle.