Learning Curve

She didn't know yet if their crazy plan to use bondage as a learning tool had succeeded in its original mandate, to help her pass her class. She felt as if she'd learned a lot, and knew a lot about algebra, but she was still not sure if she'd been mixing in wasteful playtime in the guise of a study aide, or if it had actually helped her. She thought it helped her, she felt it did, but it was a strangely subjective thing. The class had spanned such a long period of time, with so many assignments, exams, study sessions, and the many changes in technique throughout the semester that it had been impossible for her to ask herself whether it really worked as she had felt it did.

She sat across from him, sipping coffee.

She had become frustrated. This was a boy she had found attractive before her classwork had become an issue. She'd known that accepting his offer for help would destroy any chance of a relationship, and had accepted that in hopes of passing her class, not to mention in order to learn and discover more about herself. But, now she found herself very disappointed in having closed off other avenues with him. She could not eve—

"Would you care to have dinner with me some time?"

It was an out of the blue invitation. In fact, they'd been sitting in silence for nearly 10 minutes. He must have been considering asking her that whole time? Why? She was now quite solidly confused. But, she'd have to work out her thoughts later, the question was poised. "Sure." She said, careful not to look overenthusiastic so she could have time to think.

"Normally I would suggest going out, but since we know each other well, can I cook for you? Dinner at my place, Friday?"

Now her heart was racing. So, he was interested in her after all? But how could they possibly get anywhere having started the way they had? Well, it was a lot to think about, she would have to ponder it later. "Sure, that would be nice." She said, permitting him a small smile as was her prepared reaction to such sequences.

He smiled back, and started to rise from his seat. She suddenly realized that their lunch had run late, in fact they'd been sitting there for 15 minutes longer than normal.

They said their parting pleasantries, but she remained seated. She had a lot to sort out.

So if hedidfind her attractive, why had he not acted when he'd had so much opportunity? Had he been waiting for an invitation of some sort? There was not much more "invitation" that she could think of than being tied to a bed, displayed and vulnerable, and obviously wanting.

Perhaps he was feeling obligated? Maybe having been with her so many times in such a way made him feel a responsibility of some sort to take her on a date. Oh, that would be terrible. She was grateful to him, the last thing she felt was that he had to get her dinner as some sort of obligation.

The odd path they had taken in their friendship had completely distorted any of the regular patterns of dating. She had been along the dating sequence enough times, and had learned some things about the process. She could read things from the procession of the sequence, and could use the sequence to maneuver.

Now, she was trying to attract this man. She really, really wanted to attract him. She had always liked him, but she had only grown more fond of him with time, and on top of that, was desperately anxious to rebalance things. She'd been exposed to him so many times, in so many ways. She felt naked just sitting at the café with him. And now she would have to maneuver "in the dark", along this strange path that their relationship had taken.

She became disheartened. How much had she given up that she would need to be able to successfully carry this to the point where he was mutually attracted to her? She had lost most of her ability to tease, certainly visually, and somewhat physically. She tried to force herself to be optimistic for a moment. She had been teasing him all along, she thought. He had seen her exposed but had never been able to progress any further. She just wasn't confident enough in her appearance to feel very good about that idea. She tried to ponder whether her naked appearance could be teasing to him, but it was too hard, she cringed and forced her thoughts away from it, sticking to her usual conclusion that her many flaws were best concealed until very late in the dating sequence.

Chapter 13

It was Friday. She had 4 hours until her date. She'd already spent 5 hours scouring the mall for something appropriate to wear. For the entire week, her mind and emotions had been completely consumed by the date that would begin in just a few hours. She was a nervous wreck.

She sat down on a bench. It was hopeless. She was tired from walking so long. She'd purchased 2 dresses, spending almost $200, and was not content with either. She stared across the mall at a lingerie store and pondered what was "the right approach".

She tried to find a situation to compare to, so as to gather her direction again. She pondered, "What would a girl wear after she'd had sex with a guy? That's a close analogy."

Most girls would... Wait... most girls... Her usual approach... It suddenly occurred to her. The sexual side of their friendship had started with a discussion of stigma, and following the herd. She'd been so incensed with him for accusing her, that day, of not thinking for herself, of lack of creativity. It must have been horrible for him, she realized, thinking back. And all he'd wanted to do was to get her to consider more exotic approaches to her problem. To "think outside the box" was the usual phrase, although she had always thought that a very silly, cold expression for a suggestion to take a more impassioned, creative look at one's problem.

She let herself wonder... Could that be why he had been so unwilling to take advantage of her? Had it been the harsh tone she'd given him? Maybe she had frightened him into standing off? But.. No, there were so many other explanations. The fact that he had even made a suggestion like that was certain evidence that she had failed to make him sufficiently nervous, and therefore he obviously didn't have strong feelings for her. But... Oh, she was so confused.

She looked again at the lingerie store.

Sure, she thought. Why try to change the course of this now? She didn't know whether their unconventional approach to schoolwork had succeeded or not, so she couldn't really judge from that. But, something inside her told her that breaking away from the conventional wisdom had been the right thing to do.

She thought back to the day when he'd first made the bondage analogy that she turned into a proposal, and eventually became reality. She thought, "I owe him a little for enduring my wraith in making the suggestion that first day. Not so much for successfully helping me through my class, since after all, he'd received quite a bit of repayment for that with what he'd been allowed to see and do, which was surely enjoyable for him." No, when her other friends had nothing to offer but useless advice like, "don't procrastinate", he had gone out on a very large limb and suggested something so exotic. And he'd received scorn for it. It worked out for him later, with everything it led to, but she was accepting that she owed him a little something for that first conversation.

Besides, the hell with the usual form that dating takes. It never worked anyway, just like her usual approach to studying hadn't been working.

She stepped into the lingerie store.

Chapter 14

The doorbell rang. She was nervous as could be. He had no warning to expect her to be dressed as she was. What if it wasn't appropriate? What if this wasn't even a date? What if it was casual and he actually had someone with him? Here she was, standing on his doorstep in lingerie. Lingerie! What if the neighbors saw?

She heard him approaching. He was unlocking the door. Every instinct in her body told her to run and hide. She could, she could hide beside the door. She thought, "Quick, cover yourself!" Somehow, her body didn't move. It was undecided which direction in which to run, and so had frozen instead. There—

Suddenly, he was there. He looked at her. He was looking at her face. "Hello Shyla, come on in." What? Had he.. He hadn't noticed? Really? Wow. He pulled back into the house, holding the door open for her. She was in shock. She couldn't take a step.

She was not just wearing lingerie, she was wearing dramatic lingerie. It was completely transparent, and every part of her body was exposed. Although it extended from above her breasts to near her thighs, and it slightly tinted the skin beneath it, she wore no bra, no panties. Only a golden pattern on the lingerie broke up the visibility, and it really didn't break it up that much.

"I've made some seafood, I hope..." He trailed off. While holding the door he could not really see her. But, she hadn't advanced either. He must have realized it odd.

"I... I hope that's..." He took a slight step forward to try to discern why she hadn't stepped into the doorway. He looked at her. Oh boy, she thought! Second glance would—

"Wow!"

Yeah. Wow! That expressed it pretty well.

"You look... You look incredible!"

Wow. That expressed it pretty well. This was so much worse than ordinary dating. In ordinary dating, if a boy said something like that as she arrived, it meant he liked her dress. Or, he was being polite. Or, he wanted to take her to bed and was trying to flatter her. With a perfectly normal dress that completely concealed her body, the questions that arose from a simple statement like, "You look incredible" were countless. All her practice with dating, and she probably still wouldn't have been able to read such a statement in an ordinary situation, and this was anything but.

She'd really put herself out there, and now she had no idea what to think. She couldn't think...it was all too much, too fast, her heart was racing so fast that her mind wasn't functional. She felt her legs start to move in. One step. Only one step. Then she was frozen again.

Suddenly, he reached out one hand towards her. Oh God. Her world was spinning.

He touched behind her side. He was pulling her in, gently. Oh God.

He was smiling. She looked at his face. He was trying to be comforting, she realized. She also realized that his arm was shaking. Not just a little, either.

He was drawing her into the house. It suddenly occurred to her that she was paralyzed, and he was trying to help her into the house with a gentle single arm around her side.

Oh God. She was more embarrassed than an embarrassed person. She was more embarrassed than a humiliated person. This was worse than being tied to the bed. She suddenly found herself yearning for 50 lashes in her most sensitive spots. Please, she would trade!

"You look really great. I'm pretty... I'm pretty at a loss here..." He was stumbling with his words. Actually, he was almost stumbling physically. Why? She was confused. She was the one exposed, why was he so nervous?

"I'm sorry, I didn't expect..."

"It's ok." She managed to softly get out, with a voice so weak she wasn't sure it was audible at all.

"It's ok, I... I can't believe you went to so much effort to look... look nice for dinner with me!"

"...I don't know what to say either." She smiled and lowered her face, trying to hide into her chest.

"I... I don't think you need to say anything. It's just...just amazing. I've never seen anyone look so beautiful."

She was frightened, and excited all at the same time. He liked the clothes? Or he liked her... Or he was just dramatically turned on... It was hard enough to distinguish those two broad and common categories that boys fell into...whether they sincerely liked a girl, or they just wanted sex. She was not even trying to blur the lines or opt for the first one, instead she'd put herself out there nearly naked. Was she conveying herself as easy? Well, hell, she was already past that point, she figured.

Her thoughts had finally slowed down enough that she began to take Edan and his reaction in. She realized that he was dressed very nicely himself. He had donned a button shirt with a tie, although he hadn't gone all the way to a suit. He'd also worn black jeans instead of slacks. It was not formal, but she'd never seen him dressed like that, and he had obviously chosen carefully.

Edan of course had barely seen the dress. When he first opened the door, he too was quite nervous. He'd not even noticed it. That had only embarrassed him more on his second look, when he realized what kind of dress she was wearing. It was obvious that he'd not noticed at first, and that embarrassed him. Even on the second look, he'd barely caught it out of his peripheral vision as he did not want to be caught staring. Then, his complete uncertainty as to how to handle the situation left him certain that he'd handled it poorly.

He did, after all, want to attract this girl. He'd been yearning for her for so long. He could not even count the number of times where he'd wanted to do more than punish her. Every single session, he'd wanted so desperately to reward her. To reward her, and to thank her. Thank her not just for the opportunity to see her naked, to be alone with her, to be the one to administer her "training", as he thought of it. No, he wanted to thank her just for being her.

He wanted to thank her for their weekly coffee meetings. He wanted to thank her for the first day they'd met. He wanted to thank her for being willing to step outside of the norm with him. He wanted to thank her for overcoming stigma. He wanted to thank her for every minute of his life since the day she'd come to him for advice on her classwork.

And he'd wanted to thank her so badly. He'd wanted to thank her in the most intimate ways he could imagine. And he had imagined an awful lot of them, while he was alone with her, training her. But he had always held back.

It had required a great many things to be able to accomplish it, to be able to hold himself back. The most critical one was the simple fact that she had never asked him to cross that line, and Edan always tried to respect a woman's wishes.

Normally, the kind of request she made, for 'bondage style, no limits' help with her class, would have been viewed as an obvious excuse that she wanted to get into bed with him. But, Edan didn't make assumptions like that, and when she said she wanted help with her class that was what he took her to mean. After all the emotion she'd shown about the class, and angst she'd shown in asking him, he'd had little doubt about it.

The "no limits" statement was an open door, he knew, and considered almost every day. But, it was an open door, not her wish. Worse, it was an open door that she'd had to create for him to be able to help her, not one that she was necessarily hoping he would use beyond its purpose. Just because it had been completely within his rights and options didn't make it something he would utilize.

Of course, her "wishes" were made pretty clear with every session. He could see it on her body, and exasperation, in almost every session that included their unique form of sexuality. But that wasn't fair -- He'd put her in that state, he'd whipped her into a frenzy, and exposed her, and forced her body to feel all sorts of things outside of her control.

He'd also never once removed his clothing in their sessions. That had been critical. He'd never let himself. He'd prepared himself mentally, and physically, as best he could, to be able to control himself throughout their sessions.

She finally stepped inside. It occurred to him that she was more hesitant to come inside and let him see her than she was to stay in his doorway, on display for the world outside to see. That encouraged him a little, could mean she was actually nervous. But then, of course she was nervous, look at the way she was dressed. It didn't mean she was nervous because of him.

She paused just inside. He realized that this was going to be awkward. The normal procession would be for her to walk ahead of him after he shut the door behind her, but that was going to give him quite an opportunity to examine her from behind without being able to watch him do it. She hesitated, possibly having the same thought. Although under normal circumstances stealing a quick glance at a girl was certainly within his realm of behaviors, in this case he wanted to stick to his best behavior. He shut the door and moved quickly to walk beside her, not wanting to take the look that he wasn't really offered.

She approached the dining room table where he'd set some plates with the meal. Suddenly she lost her breath. He had gone to a lot of trouble! There was breaded fish, mashed potatoes, vegetables, and a sauce. She couldn't help but look to her side, to him, and let out her biggest smile.

Edan smiled, gleeful that she liked the food and preparation he'd come up with. She cares, he thought to himself. It had an effect on her, he knew it did.

She said softly and sincerely, "Thank you."

He sat down across the table. "It's no trouble. Well, maybe some trouble, but well worth it, anyway."

She spoke slowly, a sign that she had switched to something she wanted to express carefully, more sincerely. "No. I mean... Thank you... For everything. I received my grade."

"Oh you did?" Edan was all ears, showing full interest.

"I scored a C+. I passed." She smiled.

"Ah! Well, that's great! Very good job!"

"Thank you, you were a great teacher."

"I didn't do nearly as much as you think. Being open-minded solves problems. Not even that you come up with new things when you are open-minded, sometimes just being open-minded will enable you. In this case, I think just trying something dramatically different was all you needed."

"No, my friends had offered me dramatic advice. Nothing as dramatic as what you'd come up with, but dramatically contrasting advice anyway. I'd tried going from one end of the spectrum to the other. In fact, it was part of my problem. I was changing my technique so fast, so often, that I wasn't taking any time to figure out what worked. My desperation was keeping me from helping myself."

"Well... It was actually your idea anyway. I had meant it to make a point. You were the one who actually thought to try it. And I'm..uh, well, I'm really glad you did." He made eye contact to go with the admission that he'd withheld.

"Really? I had thought that you were... I don't know... It seemed like you just saw it as doing me a favor, and nothing more."

"No! No, I loved it all along! Although...well, at first I was really excited when you asked me to try this bondage discipline on you. But when I saw how much the class mattered to you... I started thinking the whole thing was something you needed, and that it didn't have that much to do with me. I was flattered that you wanted me to be the one to help you, but when I saw how passionate you were about the class..."

They were both a little shocked at the revelations coming out. "I was passionate about the class because you'd started watching my every move! I wanted to make you proud of me, and I didn't want to look like an idiot to you!"

His hopes soared. Maybe, just maybe, she would give him an opportunity tonight -- a quiet but clear invitation -- for that single kiss he'd been desperately yearning for.

"Shyla, even if you hadn't passed your class, I don't really judge people based on their exam scores. I wouldn't have thought less of you for it. Although, your determination, your drive,thatwas something that I judged you on...and my judgment is that you are impressive... and... wonderful."

"Aw, Edan... Thank you. I have to confess, there was a little more to it than just wanting to impress you. Having a whip threatening me at every moment was...pretty motivational. But, if it were just the whip, it wouldn't have worked."