Learning to Love Myself Ch. 03

"I'd love to," I said. "I'll go get my hand mirror from the bathroom."

I did, and when I returned Angel was spread-legged on the bed and rubbing lubricant up and down Pool Boy. It was an illusion, but it almost looked like steam was rising from her pussy. I climbed onto her bed and sat between her legs with the mirror aimed at her pussy.

"Tilt it up just a little," Angel said. "There -- that's perfect. Wow! I'm really wet."

"And gorgeous," I added. "I've told you before, but you have a really beautiful pussy."

"Thank you," Angel said. "Let's see how accommodating it is." She took Pool Boy and awkwardly maneuvered his head to the entrance of her vagina.

"Is this the first time you've ever put anything inside yourself?" I asked as I tried to hold the mirror to help.

"Besides fingers and boyfriends, yeah," Angel responded. "This is hard."

"I learned the same way with my vibrator," I said. "Figuring out how to position it backward in the mirror is a trick. Once you get used to it, you can do it by feel though."

Three minutes later, Angel was still struggling with trying to find the way inside. She had moved beyondfrustrated and crossed the line intopissed off.

"What the FUCK?" she finally exclaimed. "I can't possibly be that tight, can I?"

"You must not be finding the right angle," I said. "It's so big that if you don't line it up just right, then it's just not going to go in. You look unbelievably sexy though! Would it help if I held the mirror differently?"

"No. The mirror's not really helping anyway. I can't really see what I'm doing because my hands are in the way."

"Would you like me to do it?" I asked without thinking.

Likewise without thinking Angel traded me the dildo for the mirror and simply said, "Please."

It happened so fast. She was horny and frustrated; I was horny and helpful. The next thing we both new, I was sliding Pool Boy slowly into her oh-so-tight pussy. It didn't occur to either of us that we had just crossed a line we had not crossed up to that point.

Sure I had fucked myself with a number of foreign objects, many of which I watched in front of the mirror, but this was something different. The pussy in front of me was not my own, and it was absolutely fascinating to watch the big purple cock squeeze into it.

"Oooohhhhhuuuuunnnnnnhhh," was Angel's take on the whole thing. It took about five minutes of groaning, panting, and slow progress before Angel finally said, "No more. I can't take any more in. It's starting to hurt."

"You almost made it. Take a look," I said, and move my hands so she could see in the mirror. Sure enough, only about two fingers of width remained outside of her body. The end of the dildo (which had a flange on it that was supposed to suggest balls) twitched slightly with her heartbeat as her pussy clenched around the deeply held shaft.

"Wow…" Angel breathed. "I feel so full. I'm definitely at my limit though. No more is going to go in with out tearing me up."

"Does it feel good though?" I asked and once again took hold of the dildo.

"Oh, you have no idea," Angel moaned.

"How about this?" I asked tentatively, and I began to slowly withdraw the shaft from her gripping pussy. Once I got it about halfway out, I reversed and stroked it back in.

"Uhnnn…yeeeahh," Angel exhaled. "That's good."

I repeated the movement -- longer this time but just a slow.

"Uuuuuunnnnnnhhhh… more."

Pretty quickly I had a good, deep, slow rhythm stroking Pool Boy in and out of Angel's dripping pussy. My head was buzzing. My pussy was wetting the bedspread so much that I felt like I was sitting in a puddle. My senses were filled with pussy -- Angel's and my own. I wasn't scared. I wasn't ashamed. I loved every moment of it, and all I wanted to do was make my friend cum.

Then it finally occurred to me out of nowhere. I was fucking her. Obviously that wasn't a profound realization. I had been from the moment I put the toy into her body, but it didn't register with either of us.

"Angel? Is this too much?"

"No Elain, that feeeeeellls sooo gooooood," she moaned.

"I mean that it's me who's doing it. Is this something we shouldn't be doing?"

"Don't you dare stop, Elain!" Angel said, looking at me with wildness in her eyes. "Don't you dare. Fuck me! Fuck me with that big cock! I need it. Don't you dare stop."

I just grinned and obeyed, pumping the dildo into her and picking up speed. I was fucking my best friend, and I was determined to make her cum. Her breasts were so swollen that they looked like they were going to explode while she tugged on her nipples with both hands. Her hips began to buck against my thrusting and actually lift off the bed. I knew she was close, so I crossed yet another line. I moved one of my hands up the shaft of the dildo and stroked my fingers across her clit.

It was the first time I had ever intentionally touched another person as an act of sexual expression. I can still remember in great detail exactly what her pussy felt like that first time. She was so, so soft. Even though the dildo was stretching her to the limit, her clitoral hood and the top of her lips were feathery soft. Her clit itself was firm and seemed to have an almost electric charge as my fingers grazed it. Everything was immensely wet and slippery from the dildo lubricant and her own excitement, and the heat that was coming off her was intense.

Angel's reaction to my touch was an instantaneous keening wail with the word "more" woven through it. So I used the backs and knuckles of two of my fingers to gently rub, shuffle, squeeze, and circle her clit as I continued to pump and twist Pool Boy into her grasping pussy.

It only took a matter of moments, and Angel began to cum. I could tell because she went rigid except for rapid jerks of her hips. I held the dildo still while she bucked on it and continued my ministrations of her clit as she crested the peak. She was now unabashedly grunting out "fuck me, fuck me, fuck me" as her breath stuttered in time with her contractions.

Finally Angel slammed her thighs together on the whole operation and rolled over onto her side hyperventilating and accidentally knocking me backward in the process. Pool Boy was still stuck half-way inside her, but she had her legs viced down over it and I had lost my grip when I was knocked away. I didn't know what else to do, so I sat behind her and stroked her back while she fought for breath.

Eventually Angel rolled back over toward me and said rather hoarsely, "Well, I think that went well." She grinned and closed her eyes as her hand snaked down her belly and gripped the exposed shaft of her jelly friend. She withdrew it slowly with a soft moan and an audible sluicing sound. "Though I must admit, I should have gotten a smaller one," she continued in her spacey, raspy voice. "I think this is just a bit too much."

"You were incredible," I said gently into her ear. "Thank you for letting me do that."

Angel replied dreamily. "I don't know what got into me. Now I'm embarrassed at how carried away I got."

"Don't be," I said, sitting up. "It was wonderful to see you completely give in to your… to your… I don't know the right word. It was good to see you abandon yourself -- just let go."

"Yeah, well I don't think I had a choice. My pussy was running my brain, and not the other way around," she laughed quietly. "You okay? You look like you're not sure what to do with yourself."

"I'm not," I admitted. "After all that talk this morning about how confused I was, and how we were just going to share a little and maybe see how far it went without actually having a sexual relationship…"

"Yeah," Angel said. "I guess some of those boundaries just went out the window."

"I don't know," I said. "I feel like I took advantage of you -- made you do things you wouldn't have done if you'd had the time to think about them."

"Ha!" Angel retorted, now blushing deep red. "I keep leading you on and giving you mixed signals! On one hand I tell you point-blank that I don't want to have sex with you. Then a few hours later I beg you fuck me with a rubber cock. How are you supposed to feel when I don't give you clear messages?"

"I don't know, but I feel good! That was a really intense erotic experience. All I wanted in the world was to make you cum."

"Oh you did that all right! I can barely move. That was super intense, and I'm completely mortified." Her embarrassment was starting to crash in on her, and she was getting angry.

"But why?"

"Because I was just spread wide open in front of you chanting 'fuck me, fuck me, fuck me' and giving you orders not to stop. I feel like I just made an ass of myself!"

"Look, don't be mad. Listen to the words coming out of my mouth: you were gorgeous and awesome and sexy and free and I wanted to please you. It's just you and me in our safe place. Don't regret giving in to it."

"But –," she began again.

"I touched your pussy," I interrupted. That shut her down. "I rubbed your clit and made you cum while I fucked you with this big dildo."

Angel's mouth worked silently, and I continued, "That was the first time I've ever touched another person in a purely sexual way, and I loved every second of it. Don't take this away from me, please Angel. Don't make me feel bad about it."

She was silent for a moment more, then, "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say 'Thank you Elain, that was great!' and just admit that you enjoyed it. Remember please that I don't judge you and that... that I love you."

"Thank you Elain. Thatwas great. I just didn't expect to be doing it. I mean, I'm not bisexual. I just wanted it really bad."

"And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not asking you to be bisexual, but I will take all of you that you are willing to share with me without wrecking our relationship. Remember that I've never had sex with another person, that I don't really know what my sexuality is, that all of this is new, and that I'm grateful to you for helping me discover myself. We're just playing and experimenting right?"

"Yeah… yeah about all of that."

"I promised you I would tell you if we did anything that made me uncomfortable before it became a problem. I was in that place earlier this morning, and you were wonderful and talked me through it. I'm just returning the favor right now."

Angel took a deep breath, "Yeah, okay. I'm sorry I went off the deep end there for a minute. I did promise that I would tell you if we were headed in a direction I didn't like, and you promised the same thing. I don't need to overburden all this."

That did feel really good, and I did really want it. I just need to tell myself that it was okay for both those to be true. It's just in the heat of it, it made a lot more sense than now that I've cooled down some. I guess that's how it works though isn't it?"

"Sometimes," I replied. "Sometimes I frighten myself with what comes out when my inhibitions fall away."

"Me too. Can I ask you something kind of funny?"

"You have to ask permission?"

"Okay no, but anyway… do you think less of me now?"

"Certainly not. You continue to amaze me! I've always been impressed by your beauty, grace, charm, charisma, intelligence… everything. This is just a side of you I didn't know about before, and it's equally as awesome."

"Even I didn't know about the side of me that says 'fuck me, fuck me, fuck me'! My boyfriends would have given a lot to know that was in there," Angel said and smiled her genuine smile.

"You've really jumped into the dirty talk with both feet, haven't you?" I said smiling back. The energy had changed back to positive again.

"Oh my god! I can't believe how much it turns me on. I really didn't expect that, but thank you for not laughing at me if I sound silly."

"You sound sexy, not silly. I think you're next boyfriend is in for a big surprise!"

Angel snorted in laughter as she thought about it.

"So," I said, picking up Pool Boy, "he's a bit too big? I don't suppose we can return him now."

"Yeah, I don't think I could take that on a regular basis. It was a bit overwhelming." Angel said. She was still lying next to me with her legs open and patted her pussy gently as she said it. "Maybe you should try it sometime?"

"I'd still like to try the one we got me," I said and pointed to it on the nightstand.

"Well duh!" Angel said. "I got so wrapped up in myself that I completely forgot. Do you want to try it now or is the mood killed."

"I could be talked into it," I said slyly. "I'm afraid I left a big wet spot on your bed while I was using your toy on you, but I've cooled down a little since then. I'll have to get turned back on."

Angel took a deep breath as if considering her words carefully, "Would you like me to use your massager on you or would you rather do it yourself?"

"I don't know," I said. "I could try it myself, but the idea of you doing it is a real turn on. I don't want to force you, though."

"Actually I want to. Obviously this is something I've never done either, and as long as we're being experimental I want to try it before I lose my nerve."

Angel rolled toward me and over me as she reached for the vibrator on the bedside table. Her body forced me down onto the bed and her heavy breasts dragged over my torso as she reached across me.

"Lie back and let me work," she said wickedly staring down at me.

"You are such a strange girl," I said, but nevertheless I lay back on her bed and spread my thighs for her. For the first time in my life, someone besides me was going to please my pussy. What was baking my brain was that it was a girl, and that girl was my best friend. I think way too much, you know?

"Why do you say that?" she said, positioning herself between my legs.

"You run hot and cold, horny to regretful, timid to adventurous…" I said. "I'm not making fun and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you were right. Youare sending me mixed signals."

"If you'd have asked me a week ago if I would be sitting between another girl's legs about to put a sex toy in her pussy, I would have called you crazy -- but her I am. Jeez a few days ago, I couldn't even say pussy. Now if you asked me week ago if I would also be considering swimming twice a day for exercise, I would have also called you crazy -- but that's on my mind too.

"When I broke up with Carlos, got this house, and especially when I invited you to move in with me, I made a conscious decision to be more adventurous. I feel like I wasted so much of my time on Jimmy and Carlos doing what they wanted that I never got to do what I wanted. Now if I want to swim, or cook, or buy sex toys, or eat ice cream, or whatever… dammit I'm going to do it! I want to be my own person for a while.

"As far as being sexual with you, I'm just as confused as you are. Iknow I'm sending you mixed signals. Iknow I said I didn't want a sexual relationship with you. I also know that you feel really good next to my skin. It feels natural to share my body with you. You make my heart feel good too, so it feels natural to share my feelings with you. You make me feel good about myself, even when I'm ridiculous. I've felt more free with you in three days' time than I have in years with boyfriends.

"I also feel like I owe it to you to help you explore your bisexuality. I don't know how far I'm willing to go, but I've already gone farther than I thought I would. I also feel like I owe it to myself to at least not deny any feelings that are coming to me naturally, whether they are bisexual or not. Practice what I preach right? So right now I want to do this for you and also for me."

Angel turned the rotary control on the bottom of the vibrator, and it hummed to life. She dialed back to the lowest setting and said, "Now, let's see if we can get you turned back on."

"You already have," I said. "That was one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said to me."

"Don't go all mushy on me now," Angel said mischievously. "I want you wet, not mushy."

That made me laugh out loud, so I put on my best 'bad girl' face. Taking a breast in each hand, I squeezed them and struck a spread-legged pose in imitation of the woman on the vibrator package. "I'm already there. Give it to me, baby," I mock snarled.

Angel laughed as well and gingerly placed the tip of the vibrator up to my opening. It felt really good, but she was unsure of how to continue.

"Here let me help," I said. "I have a lot of vibrator experience."

"Please," said Angel. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Just go slowly and do what I describe," I said and pulled my knees up to my chest. This spread my pussy and tilted my hips up so she could really see what she was doing. "Lay the vibrator lengthwise along my pussy and slide it up and down a little. That will help me get used to the feeling before we try to go in."

"Like this?" Angel said.

"Exactly like that," I affirmed. "That feels really good. It's bigger than my other vibrator, but I shouldn't have any trouble taking it. Mmmmm… just keep rubbing and stroking like you are."

"You look really amazing," Angel purred a minute later. "You're pussy is open to me and your legs are framing your tits. You look so wet and hot."

I was gasping a little by this point. I had been pretty horny all day leading up to this, but to finally be getting some attention on my pussy was heating me up very quickly. "I think I'm ready for you to put it in," I moaned softly. "Go slowly and work the tip in first."

"Wow, your pussy looks almost swollen Elain. I'll be gentle, I promise."

"Oh! angle the back end up a little more and you should have it," I added as she began to work the tip of the vibrator into my opening. Sure enough, even though the bent end felt really strange moving down my passage, the shaft slowly but smoothly slid inside my body. The device was slightly cool but heated up quickly in the liquid grip of my pussy. I squeezed down on the shaft and felt its girth inside me. The vibrations thrilled through my lower belly and into my pelvis and my clit began to throb for want of direct contact.

"Wow!" Angel exhaled. "That looks so fucking sexy. It just slid right into you pussy, and you gripped it the whole way in. This is so amazing to see from the outside. Do you want me to slide it back out?"

"Yeah, but go slowly. I think the idea is that the bend at the end will touch my G-spot when you pull it partway out. Ooooo… it feels really good now though."

Angel slowly retracted the toy and we both felt the tip catch on the front wall of my vagina. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was a pressure I wasn't used to.

"Are we on it?" Angel asked.

"I don't think so," I said. "Lever it up and down a little and see if that makes a difference."

Almost as soon as she moved the back of the shaft down a little I cried out, "Stop! Oh my… right there. I think that's it!"

"What's it feel like?" Angel said almost in awe.

"It's different than anything I've experienced before -- hard to describe -- but it's like you're touching everywhere inside me by touching just that one spot. See if you can rub it a little."

Angel gently worked the back end of the vibrator in small circles. This felt amazing vibrating inside my vagina, but it was indescribable on my G-spot.

"OH GOD!" I yelled. "That's it. Keep doing that. Oh my god, that's so intense."

"Unbelievable…." Angel said. "You are unbelievably sexy."

"Can -- can I put my legs down? I can't ho-hold them up anymore," I panted.

"Be comfortable," Angel said and successfully kept contact with my G-spot while I lowered my feet to the bed. "Better?" she asked.

"Mmm-hmmm," I moaned by way of agreement. I could feel all kinds of orgasm starting to build inside me.

"Play with your tits," Angel whispered up at me from between my legs. "I'll please your pussy, and you play with your tits."