Letters from Long Ago

want to call me (because my story was so hot), call the 721-4545 number and I'll

be getting the boys until around 8:30, then I'm home.

Look forward to tomorrow with wet panties (on me not you).

Love, XOXOX

Your Mexican Dove, Bean

From your man-

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and smiling from ear to ear. I was very excited by your story!!!!!!!!!!! I am having trouble thinking because all of my blood is in my dick, not in my brain. Just to let you know also, I have had many fantasies of you as well. Long before I called you last week. Many of them.... Lot's.....So I guess I have been a little coy with you in that regard. Its part of my little game you know. When I called I knew Dave was not at home. I knew what I was going to start when I called, but I was sure that with the right kind of flirting I would get to where I am going tomorrow..........Surprised! Don't be because you saw it in my eye's when I looked at you just the few times I have seen you. I was just able to be disciplined and not let anyone see my hand.......So essentially I have lusted after you in my heart all along...........Your friend and soon to be

Lover..............Guy..........

May 20, 1999

Hello there darling. I want to tell you what I said in my E-mail to you was not really some type of plan that I had concocted, but rather I looked back at the past week and looked at what I had done and said and realized that deep inside of me I knew what I as doing. I just did not choose to admit it to myself. That is what I meant. I was thinking to myself I would just call and say hello as I knew you had been by yourself and were probably a little lonely. But as I said I am a little bashful and I have some self-esteem problems even when it comes to admitting things to myself about what I am doing and why I am doing it. This is all very personal to me and I am generally very guarded with my thoughts and feelings as most people are generally not very kind and tend to be judgmental and like to tear other people down rather than help them and offer them friendship. Soooooo....... this is more than I have opened up to anyone (and I mean anyone) about how I really feel. This is really starting to sound like rambling, so the short of is I like you and always have since I met you and I really like Dave a lot and he has been a very good friend to me in the short time we have known each other. I am not a deceitful person rather am generally blunt and to the point on most matters. This will be life long friendship with me as all of my friendships are. I can be the one to call when in need of help.

I AM YOUR FRIEND. GUY

Dearest Love, my Bright Star –

I just watched your taillights blaze into nothingness. I stood there knowing what it is like now to have loved and lost. Having you with me these last weeks has kept me afloat in the sea I am drifting on. Yet as you leave tonight, I feel waves swell and crash around me. So who can say which is better, our hearts having paid the cost? To have a constant test of wills in our relationship, you with the the iron will, but me with the keys to your heart, leaving us with neither one able to use any of them. So although I have known a glimpse of your heart's desire to Enfold me, I watch you leave knowing you will never know the bright, burning flames of fire I hold for you and the feel of them as they burn.

Do I hold these flames safe and tucked away until the day when you return., asking once again in sincerity for our common thoughts to play out on the screen we create entwined together? Will the fire use itself up and be the bedrock for a tree to grow and shade us both from the heat of a bitter world?

Will the piece of my heart you take with you into the night be brought back to me, unseen and discarded, returned only as an afterthought to some errand? Or will you hold it close and use its warmth to ease the longing of an unmet desire, kissing it and sending pieces home to me with the summer stars in the night, dropping the glowing embers into half-sleep dreams of the perfect balance between you and me?

All the battles within my confused and unused heart are petty and small when I looked in your eyes and saw the pain of an agonizing truth holding you hostage. Honor and dignity, care and trust, belief and fantasy...all these parts of my lover are holding you upright while I watch the lonely little boy within the room of 'You' cry out and fall to your knees as another day goes by without a playmate. I want to play, and keep you company, but the price of forsaking this safety is so great, only you can choose to pay it.

So when you choose to live and learn and grow through the peace of history and time shared, it is a choice I understand. I recognize the conflict of the decision, and am honored to have been given such a gift of friendship and trust as you did by giving me the truth. But I will hold open the entry to my life at any time for you, my once in a lifetime poet of my dreams, for the day when you are free to choose a different path, if only for a while. I will be here in this place of yearning , longing for the time when you ask me to again take the road less traveled and discover together what it is we are reflecting within our common needs.

When you reach out your dreams and thoughts to me, I will be there for you. When you silently scream for the needs of another to take you outside of yourself, I will come if you ask. I will always hide within your heart, there if you should look, tucked away in a corner and there to stay. I only wish I could learn to trust me as much as I trust you.

In my hunger tonight, I ate all that was offered, and didn't see that you were left starving. This banquet of dreams should hold more than enough for the both of us, but you walked away from the feast before you were served. Only here can you consume the love I have to give. When you turned it away after you had asked for it, I was lost. But lost is not where I want o stay. So I won't dwell, but instead, return to the table Only in sharing it with you does it become real at all.

And I have seen reality in the movements of our bodies together. Felt the reality of my feelings explode when your lips brushed mine, and heard the reality of the attentiveness of your affection in my own cries.

I am making choices as well. I choose to remain your lover, in spirit and devotion,. I choose to continue to feed your hunger while you reside within your safety.

But know how I fell this night. Like a stone to the ocean floor, I do not believe I can return to the sandy edge. I adore the light you give when you are with me. So get to work and call for me when you need it.

Forever and a Day,

Bean

May 22, 1999

Just wanted to offer some type of explanation to ya. To let you know you treated me perfectly the other night. I just was a basket case that could not believe how incredibly lucky I was to be there with you..........Any way I gotta see ya....Soon

Thinking of you now......your friend,,,,,,,,Guy

May 22,1999 (attachment)

My little Bean,

I have had a little time to reflect on the other night and I have come to think I should not have left so hastily. I am not feeling too good about the way I left. How could I lead you on all week and not follow through on my promises? I am just a complex person that has too many thoughts running through my head............ What could you have thought? There I was with my hand and fingers shoved into your crotch and my tongue down your throat and this beautiful breast with this hard delicious looking nipple right in front of my face just waiting to sucked on, teased and tasted and all of a sudden I cannot complete the task..........I am sure you were thinking "what the fuck is going on with this guy". Well let me say this to you.......I was confused and in my confusion I just went to my disciplined position and hunkered down. That is where I spend a lot of my time you see in that type of frame of mind. Disciplined! You know with the work and the regular family life and all that crap it takes some real doing on my part to stay a part of that and to not fuck it up as it is really not in my true nature to have this type of "normal life". I am at heart somewhat of rouge and a nomad that has been set into this spot of being responsible for others. There have been times in the past when I have not been disciplined and kept myself in order and things got pretty fucked up real fast and everyone around me got hurt...........So what I am trying to say is, is that I had all this shit running through my head and I'm thinking way to much about it.

But this thing with you I cannot shake it. I feel compelled to see you. I need to see you as much as I have needed anything, ever. I am burning with desire for you. I close my eyes and I see you there, next to me. Doing all of the things we have talked about. All of those dirty little things I have dreamed about you doing to me since I first saw you at the levee site. My heart is racing faster and faster and I feel as if I am about to explode. But the one place I want to explode is inside of you :).

Will you give me another chance? A chance to fill all of your fantasies and desires, and to make you cum and cum again and again until you fall asleep in my arms, content and safe.

I sure hope so.

Love and kisses,????????????

Guy (your tattooed friend)

May 27, 1999

Hello Love,

I am sitting here looking over your letter and all I can say is WOW!! :) You do have something going on that is very special. Something that cannot be ignored. I do not know where to start. Let's see, do I think you are nuts? NO WAY! You are a force that shines light into darkness. A force that brings Love to the battlefield, where there is only hostility and despair. You make me feel like a kid again. Young and restless with a heart full of Love, Hope and Passion. So I cannot and will not think of you in any bad way.

Rocky you have stirred up something in me that I had forgotten about. Something I once knew along time ago and up unto now could only see through clouds of mist and fog. I am not sure just what it is that you do know. But I can see you do know something. Something none of the others can see. Maybe when you looked into my eyes you could see deep into me like no others can. I know I could see something in you. Something I have not seen since I last dreamed of beautiful things. I cannot describe in words what or how I feel.

We have a lot in common you and me. Not just this physical attraction either, something more than that. I told you that I was very empathetic. You and I have an immediate sense of what others are feeling. Love, Pain, Relief, Anger, Remorse, Joy, or just maybe indifference. There are powerful forces at work out there!

I am glad you can see so much. The only fear I have as man in this world have is the fear of hurting the ones I Love. Hurting the ones who I am lucky enough to have Love me. I am not sure if I have a gift, but I have always been held out of harms way. When all others around me have gone down and when it looks as if all hope is lost and I am about to meet my end. Something always happens. I am lifted out and carried away on Angel wings, untouched by whatever bad is happing. I have talked to Selena about it (because we both have the same force around us) and we just describe it as a special type of luck. The type of luck that will let you see the face of evil but will not -will not- let the evil hurt you. I have truly been blessed with that type of life. (now who sounds crazy) And you were right about it happening since I was a little kid. And it is happening again. Right now! I can feel the pressures building around me but it is something I cannot control.

Enough about me, I want to talk about us. I want so desperately to see you and to have you. Like I said before, there you are like this bright picture in my mind all of the time now. You are so sexy, beautiful and desirable I feel as though my heart will explode. (my pants too) What I want is to have the chance to experience making love to you in person not just over the phone or in my fantasies. But I am not sure I can go through with it. Like you say first I am in, then out, then in again. It would probably cause me too much pain. I have felt that pain before you know. I told you I have had a checkered past, a past that I cannot escape. A past that has already taught me those hard lessons of trust and friendship.

Rocky I like you a lot, a whole lot. And I would surely Love to fuck the taste out of your mouth as you would say :), but I am afraid it would make whatever pleasure I get out of it a little bitter because of my demons from the past.

You are my friend Love. I still want to see you before you go. And I still will probably talk to you every day before you go. You say you still have much to tell me and to share with me. Well I am most interested in that. You have made me feel nothing but good. You have given me nothing but pleasure. I owe you for that. You have restored my self-esteem as it has been waning as of late.

In short you are my friend. I want to see you again so you can tell me of the secrets you know.

Thanks for being my friend,

Lover Guy...................

June 3, 1999

Sweetest Love,

I am sitting here with intense images of you racing across my mind. Like a favorite memory someone returns to over and over when they are in need of an escape of the unfriendly world and turn to that memory again and again for comfort and support.

I long for your touch .I ache inside knowing I will not see you as soon as you or I would like. I can feel you next to me when I close my eyes, I sense your feelings of pleasure when I make my mental connection with you at night when I am in bed dreaming of you. Surely you sense my feelings of excitement and want.

The day will not cum soon enough when I can once again feel your soft skin, rubbing my hands all over you as you moan and writhe in your delight. The day will cum when I can devour you with my mouth. Tasting your delicious honey. I want to suck you into my mouth, feverishly working my tongue around your hard clit. Pressing against you with just the right amount of pressure. While I slide my hands around to your butt cheeks, spreading them wide so I can have easy access to your asshole. I will slide one finger into your wet pussy then another into your ass. You will scream with pleasure and beg me not to stop. After you cum your honey all over me a couple of times I will slide up onto you. Working my mouth up your soft belly kissing your ribs working my way to those nipples that are so hard ,so hard now. These nipples of yours taste so delicious I just want to suck and lick and bite them softly until you cum again. With you laying there reaching out for my cock, groping for the hardness you know you will find there. The hardness of my cock is just for you. I rub it on the inside of your thighs, brushing up against your pussy lips that are swelled and wet. I tease you by just sticking the head of my cock in you so that it flips your hard clit as it passes over the rim of the base of my throbbing cock. After I tease you for a while you with you fingers digging into my back trying to pull me into you I plunge all of my hardness into you. You let out a scream of pleasure that makes me want to fuck you harder and deeper. I am fucking you now, over you looking down on you as you are writhing under me. Grinding me with your hot pussy. I kiss you deeply and place my weight down upon you as my balls begin to tighten. I am now cumming inside of you, wave after wave of cum shooting deep into your pussy. You are shaking and vibrating with your eyes rolled up into your head as you cum and cum again..........OK?

Just wanted to give a little note to you. Something to think about till we see each other.

Missing your touch,

Lover Guy................

June 4, 1999

I will probably request you wear a skirt with no panties on so I can pull up

your skirt just as soon as I see you, Kiss you deeply, turn you around, bend

you over, grab your hips and shove my cock deep into you and fuck you hard and furious slapping up against your ass with my hips with my hands on your hips your feet will probably come off the floor as I fuck you harder and deeper and faster......OK? You got the picture? I am yours my love.........Then the hot wax, ice cubes, me melting in your mouth. MMMMMMMM MMMMMM you grinding your hot pussy into my mouth .........MMMM MMM MMM......Then maybe you can bend me over....and show me what for.........MMMMMMMM I know you would like that wouldn't you? We will fuck and suck until there is nothing left.......and then suck and fuck some more.....OK?

Lover Guy........:)~>

June 8, 1999

I am busting with anticipation today knowing that tomorrow I will be seeing you, smelling you touching you and tasting you.... mmmmmmmm good. I am crazy with thoughts about you!

You know I have not thought about protection and such things. I have not been fixed as the saying goes. So what does that mean? Should I bring protection? I have never used a condom before. I am not sure I want to use one now. I never thought about you getting pregnant. maybe some type of morning after foam "lol".... Sorry it just seems a little different when you get into the details of it all. I am generally a spontaneous type with little thought to these types of things. For me it takes away some of the fun with so much preparation. I need to have spontaneity.

I long for your touch....... filled with thoughts of your new blue toy:)........

Your lover Guy.........

June 18, 1999

Little Hottie,

Hello they're my sweetness. I have had you in my head all day today. I am not able to work as you are clouding my mind with thoughts of your beautiful face and your delicious body. I do not know how I will be able to function without your energy to guide me.

You are something special to me. Something I will hold next to my heart in a secret place only you, our friends and I can find. That place where you come to me to let me hold you. To cup my hand in the small of you back while I draw you close to me so I can kiss you deeply. Swallowing you up, and tasting your sweet breath. It is like having drops of honey dripped on to my tongue while I have this big smile on my face and not a care in my mind.

I am so hot for you that my fire cannot be extinguished by normal means. It will take an indefinite period of your time and an extraordinary amount of your energy to pay the price of my desire for you.

I cannot even now count the times I have dreamed of you grinding your hot pussy on my mouth, or me sliding my hard cock into you while you quiver with delight. Cumming so hard on me you shoot your hot sweet honey all over me. Or me feeling you with your soft hungry mouth and lips sucking all of my prize and draining my balls of their love butter that is just for you............These are just flashes of the dreams of you that consume me...........Fucking you from behind with my hands griping your hips while my balls slap into your ass cheeks.......Oh!!!!!!!! I can feel you even now.........

Your big strong lover man,

Guy

June 21, 1999

I just got your text message. I am now on line and you are not sending me an instant message. Why not? I need some of your online love :)~

Just to let you know......You have been a real blessing for me. I will have you in my dreams for life.........I want you, I need you and I will have to have you again and again and again...................

June 22, 1999

Rocky,

There is no need to fear your new trip but rather to embrace your journey. You will once again see your soul mate and see him with his with his children that miss him dearly. These are good things. Our friends will also appreciate some new scenery.