All Comments on 'Life is but a Dream'

that was a really good story thank you

life is now a dream. TK U MLJ LV NV

The "dream" sequence was certainly unusual and very well done. Congratulations.

I liked your story, but some of it was a bit difficult to follow. You first start off by making your main character sound like he is some sort of teenager still living at home with his father, and talking about a date he has with a barely legal cheerleader. Next you have him moving into a tack room owned by his employer. Later in the story you mentioned he had a condo. After that you told us that he served in the military. This made him sound a bit too old to be chasing after a young teenage girl don't you think? You leave him in the hospital for over a month, without either his father, or the girl he had the date with, stopping by to see how he was. I know he and his dad supposedly had a fight, but surly that could be overlooked in spite of his heroism. I mention all these things to you, because I really did like the concept of your story, and felt it could have been even better with just a little bit of editing on your part. That being said, as a amateur writer myself, I know all too well how easy it is to overlook mistakes in your own work. I have been criticized many times for doing this very thing. I generally don't beat myself up over it, and you shouldn't either. The only advice I can give is to try your best at creating a good story line. Read over your work carefully. Ask some of your friends to help you catch any errors that you may have overlooked before submitting. After that, enjoy your successes and live with your mistakes. I leave you with one final message, thank you for sharing your story. I enjoy reading postings from this site, and it is quite obvious that others do as well. I anxiously look forward to your next story. - Double_Entendre.

While things appeared rushed slightly here and there, making it seem more or less like an outline, I believe it was an excellent effort for your first time. I enjoyed the plot, the characters, and writing style. In short, you did good, and I hope that you will see your way to submit more of your work.

Modest, nicely articulated, good choice of words. This story itself isn't an unheard one on this site but the way of presentation surely makes it stand distinct and worthy to invest time reading it.

Nice first effort! I felt that - presumably by design - the character's voice evolves as he develops, adding an extra dimension to the story and certainly shows him maturing, although perhaps he grows almost too quickly, as if his hospital stay earns him a degree as well. Still, a great component to factor into a first person piece, terribly clever, and in a longer less compressed piece it would work very well.

There were nice pieces of imagery here - the dream sequence was good; but was there an inconsistency with the family said to be coming to dinner the second night home and then 'meeting him' at the end. Watch for those internal consistencies, it's so hard to when you're so close to a piece.

Still, enjoyable, different, I look forward to more of your work.

Outstanding story, excellent character and relationship development.

But how did he get from leaving his father at age 20 to serving in Nam and having his own condo? Fortunately, only a minor distraction from an otherwise great story.

What happened to his dad?

Thanks and can we have another

To read that rare thing on 'Lit' , a sensual but soggy love story with a delightful turn of phrase.

5*

Great story, but one "minor" bug.

High voltage powerlines are usually NOT insulated-meaning they are bare conductors. Touch one, or even go near one, and, well-it wouldn't make for much of a story.

A couple of details

You spoke about the movie being scripted and completed and money coming in between the day he arrived at Christy;s house and the net morning after his erotic "dream sequence" - there was no 4 months in there -

You also had him leave hid Dad's house to go to the barn and sleep in the tack room? then he had a condo he could go to from the hospital with no explanation where it came from -

Not a big deal but - as has been pointed out - where did Dad go? He did not even visit him in the hospital.

The veteran stuff COULD have happened at 20 but had ho ground work.

Lastly - she lives in a mansion but the brother and grandparents live in a 2 story house in a simple (seeming) neighborhood - she seems much more dedicated to her family (and privacy) fir them to be so humbly housed??

Ignoring those issues (which was easy to do) this was a very nice tale with a lot of fairly tale sections that went so nicely -

What would those details add to the story line?

Absolute perfection at that! One of the best romances I've ever read.

Really you have problems, i gave you 1 because you are dellusional

I love the way you described making love to a dream. The devastation of the divorce from my first wife left me empty until I was standing behind the girl who was to become my second wife in line at roller skating rink. We started talking in half .sentences, still do much to the confusion of our two kids. 45 yrs later she said something to me that shocked me. She finally called me her man. Love sometimes sneaks up on you. And yes I love that woman more today then when I married her.

Hello is anybody home? Fogive me I've always wanted to say that! Why 2012 is a long time ago 2016 now no new stories for4 years? I have a few questions but I doubt I will have an answer? Great story thanks! Love you all GREG! BYE! OH 100 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

His dad, no mention of his dad, did he get back at his dad?

This story came to the author in a dream, huh? Yeah, I used to have weird dreams too, then I stopped smoking that shit before I went to bed.

It’s not really a bad story though, just a bit melodramatic in places. Thanks River Rat.