Life, Love and Everything in Between Ch. 01

"Don't you dare talk like that." I said sternly. She could tell from my voice I wasn't impressed about what she had said.

After a moment of silence she spoke, "I just wanted to see how it feels to be in a relationship. I didn't want it to end up like this, a failure."

"It's not your fault." I urged.

"Somehow it does feel like that, particularly since it was my first." She sighed despondently.

"You need to set high standards." I nudged her. "You are an angel and you need to choose more carefully." I complimented her.

"So what about you? Why aren't you in a relationship?" She asked me.

"No thank you." I replied. "I ain't interested."

"Why not?" She was puzzled. "Quite a few of my friends fancy the hot pants of you."

"Nah. I'm ok." I just shrugged it off.

She was looking at me quietly, expecting me to elaborate. Between us, we never stopped before completing our conversations. Phrases like 'forget it' or 'it doesn't matter' didn't exist between us. She stared at me and I looked at her. We had turned on our sides and were gazing at each other. I decided to open up.

"For me trust is a big thing and I need to be sure I am going to be handled with good care and sincerity. Promise should mean something, you know." I looked at her. "I don't like girls who change their mind. Most of your friends don't know what they want." I was sincere in my comments.

"True." She said softly. "I understand what you are saying."

"Even Jennifer?" she gazed at me. "She likes you a lot. What happened?"

I had gone out with Jennifer for a while. But things had fizzled out - rather I had slowed things and calmed them. I knew Sam was very close friends with Jennifer and I didn't want to ruin things between them because of me.

"She didn't live up to the promises she made." I looked at her. "I know she is your best friend so I didn't want to ruin things for you two, but I didn't want to get hurt either."

"What do you mean?" she asked being puzzled.

"Although she said she liked me and all, I never felt it with her. She seemed to just say it without actually showing it." I tried to elaborate. "For me, actions speak louder than words and I know real feelings cannot stay hidden from me for long." I looked at her and caressed her cheek as I smiled. "I've been with you for long, so I know when I'm loved."

She looked at me and smiled back as I shrugged my shoulders and grinned. She realised I had implied about her.

Then she hugged me and we lay there in silence for a while. I cuddled her in my arms.

She spoke softly again after a while. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything hon. You know that." I nudged her. We were allowed to ask anything between us. Nothing was off-limits.

"I know." She smiled. "I just wanted to know if you had been physical with anyone yet." She remained quiet for a moment before looking at me.

"Like just playing or actually...?"

"Well either." She waited anxiously for my response.

"I have been physical a bit with Jen when we were going out, and Sara before her. They kissed and caressed me but nothing past that."

"Oh. That's all." She noted.

"Why do you ask?" I was being genuine. "Are you jealous?" I smiled.

"That's a mild word for me tonight because of how nice you have been to me." She said softly. "But I just wanted to know."

We lay there for a while in each other's arms. After I felt her nod away, I helped her roll away on her side and slowly sat up in the bed. I kissed her cheek and tucked her under the duvet. I got up from the bed and stepped out of her bedroom.

Next day, I gave her a big 4-foot tall stuffed toy teddy bear as a gift. I left it plonked in her bedroom when she was out. I had left a greeting card stuck to its hand. The card had a picture of a white swan taking flight over a lake with its wings stretched wide.

I had hand-written a verse inside the card:

'Water runs dry from a swan's feather,

as it has to fly higher and farther.

Spread your wings and take flight,

to new pastures and horizon in sight.'

When she came home, I was purposely sitting in the lounge. We were all waiting for her to get home so we could have the dinner together. When she came downstairs from her bedroom after freshening and changing into her nightwear, I looked at her but she just gazed at me with a grin and she did not say anything. I did not know if she liked her gift. After the meal, I stayed back helping mom to clear the table but Sam went to her room. Then I sat on the couch watching TV for a while. Sam never came downstairs.

When I went upstairs to kiss her good night, she was in her bed, curled up on her side facing the door. When she saw me pop into her room, she looked at me and gestured me to come in and sit next to her. She held out the card and asked me its significance.

"What does it mean?" she asked me. "What are you trying to imply?"

"Swans don't care about getting wet because water runs dry from their feathers. They shake it off like nothing happened and fly away without giving it a second thought, because there are a lot of wonderful places they have to get to, and see bigger and better things to enjoy."

"Thought so." She murmured, and then stared at the picture in the front of the card for a while. "Don't they mate for life?" She asked me gazing in my eyes.

I nodded and smiled. "You are not just a pretty face, are you?" I teased her.

She just grinned.

I looked at her deep in her eyes for a moment, with a warm gaze and said, "You need to find a swan because you are one too; I'm sure you don't realise it. The quicker you accept it, the quicker you will realise you can never be happy among poultry."

She took my hand in her hand, pulled it close to her face and kissed my palm gently. Then tucking it around her chest, she turned around on her side to face the other way and pulled my arm indicating she wanted to be spooned. I cuddled her as she lay there quietly and silently.

"Thank you for being you." She whispered softly.

"It's my pleasure as always." I whispered in her ear. I lay there for a while and as she loosened her grip on my hand, I got up propping on my hand and looked down across at her face. She had her eyes closed. I lowered my lips and planted a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Sweet dreams, hon," I whispered. I tucked her under the duvet and I caressed her hair as I ran my hand over her head. Then I caressed her cheek with my knuckles gently. Then I kissed her cheek and slowly got off her bed. I closed her door softly behind me as I stepped out of the room.

I was unable to fall asleep even after about half an hour of lying in my bed. Just when I was feeling sleepy after about an hour or so, I thought I had heard my door open and close slowly and quietly. I continued drifting to sleep. The room was illuminated with streaks of soft light from outside and was otherwise dark.

It must have been Sam as no one else walked in like that. I was sleepy anyway and I continued drifting to sleep. If she wanted me, she would usually wake me up so there was no reason for me to wake up. I was sleeping on my back with my face turned toward the door.

Sam just stood there and I heard sound of her walking toward me. I pretended to be asleep. She then seemed to have kneeled next to my bed. A whiff of her fragrance gave her closeness away - I could never miss recognising that sweetness. After a moment or so, I felt and heard her hair rustle as she lowered her face to mine and I felt her lips on mine as she planted a soft kiss. She must have done that very gently and softly so as not to wake me. I wanted to let her think that so I continued to pretend to be asleep.

There was moment of silence. I think she wanted to make sure I was still asleep and the short sensual demonstration of her admiration for me had not stirred me up. Then I heard a rustle that indicated she had stood up and walked away from the bed. Then I heard her mummer, "I love you." I heard the door open and close quietly behind her.

I had many mixed feelings that night. I knew we were close but that was the first time I had truly realised her feelings about me and it made me feel very happy. She really loved me deeply.