All Comments on 'Lion's Den Ch. 01'

Oh, please update soon.

She's my kind of gal. Good for her.

Job

love it so keep us up dated post real soon

Good first effort.

Five.

that you let us know what is going on inside your character's heads. This adds some layers without giving too much away to the others. Can't wait to read more. Great Work!!!

I can't wait for more!!!

It wasn't what I expected.. aka same 'ol IR story but you did a great job.

*****

i do think the shit is about to hit the ol' air moving device

EXCELLENT ! ! 1O STARS

Can't wait for the next installment. Well done!

I really appreciate that max is being portrayed as a strong minded women and i hope that doesn't change. However, i think you need to pay careful attention to minor grammar mistakes that could really take away from a story with such potential.

Black girl, mob boss...this sounds eerily familiar.

Two similarities, wow. That's it, no other similarities. Saying the inevitable just deters the writers from finishing their stories.

Max is very self confident and in control I love a strong female in a story I dont think it is like 7 days at all and it is kind of silly to say a black girl and a mobster story are all the same. Keep up the great writing!!

You need to find an editor, as there are a ridiculous amount of grammatical mistakes and errors in syntax. None of these things will be picked up by spell check, so you need another pair of eyes to look at it.

Grammar aside, I thought that it was an excellent first submission. Your story was engaging and the perfect length.

One a lighter note, who the hell roughs someone up and puts a gun in said mouth without making sure that they aren't being watched? He is either badass or incredibly stupid. We will see which. :)

I like your story but it looks like alot of other stories on lit, where girl meets hot guy - guy likes good girl - guy gets girl pregnant/love struck - girl plays hard to get - guy ends up with girl...

i dont like the unprotected sex part... esp in this day and age... esp with max being a "smart" girl

but i will see how this develops

Great job, I really love the duo team girl bond! LOL! This is a wonderful, new with a lot of action in the first chapter!! Damn, I am going to be hooked. It's about time bad girls make bad boys go good! LOL!

Great job again, and please post soon :-)

Hello,

To all who commented, I have given the story to an editor. I starting writing this story in 1996, when I was in high school, after some personal experiences. I resurrected the idea after reading some interracial stories on Literotica, to give my past a more perfect ending. The grammar comments are funny, because I write like I speak, and I speak with a queer syntax, so I do need an editor. Thank you all so much.

Great story I rly enjoyed reading can't wait for the next update ;)

i really like it, keep up the good work!

very enjoyable read! more please!

That was good can't wait to see what happens next and what is up with the un protective sex anyway if she's not on something I smell trouble then she just might have to come back even if she didn't plan too please update soon thanks!

Interesting start though I have to agree that the unprotected sex seems a highly thoughtless move for a 'smart, tough' girl. Especially when she already has her suspicions of the type of guy Leo is and his probable lifestyle.

this was a great start but will you finish?

I'm sure you've been told that this story sounds familiar to other Lit stories with a black woman and italian man pairing. Okay, this next part is not directed to you specifically, but it's still food for thought to those writers and readers out there. Why do the majority of Italian male character have involvement with crime? It's like Italian=Mob. It's so stereotypical. I've also noticed that the majority of black women characters on Lit are depicted as sexually loose and only having a desire to be "fucked" or "taken roughly". I hope that is just a stereotype too.

I loved this! I have a thing for reading about mobsters/badboys with a heart. But you wrote this really well, and I can't wait to read the next chapter :D

to be able to allow yourself some fun every now and then, without the complication of thinking it through. I feel that she will have a baby on the way and have to get Leo involved.

I thought that she would have made him work a little harder to get any of her, though the chemistry was very strong from the beginning.

I always wonder why most of the stories on here are about fat black women.

Are all black chicks obese? And then the male character of the story has abs of steel and all muscle..... riiiiiight.

no not all black women are obese in fact you can be chunky and not a stick figure an still be black.Im skinny but still not ever black person is its like asking if every white person is skinny as a bone.it was a racist comment that just didnt need to be said.if you think like that then thats on you but dont try nd put down an race by calling use all obese because Africans american's take better care of them selves than the average white person.

I don't even know why you care! Don't read it if it that much of am issue but obviously just like any other race there are skinny and fat people. It's no difference to any other race. The only difference is African Americans may have a trait to be a bit more curvy naturally not fat but curvy, bigger hips and bigger breasts but not necessarily.

Well, I'll chime in here, since there are a couple key issues that people are either allowing their politically correct outrage to ignore or (in the case of the anon who started this) they simply didn't consider from the very start. These stories reflect the fantasies of the author. So yes, while many of the more romantic interracial stories feature a heroine of Ruebenesque proportions, there are probably far fewer examples of that than stores under other categories that feature women with unlikely, Barbie-esque proportions. As for the males, the reverse is equally true. There are as many "I'm a nornal guy who somehow landed a cindy Crawford clone with DDD breasts" as there are "I'm a woman of large proportions who got a man built like a god." You'll also find every black guy is well hung, many white guys are wimps with no backbone or sexual prowess, who managed to land a hot wife the aforementioned black man then steals away, proving his superiority, etc,etc.

These stories, at least the majority, ARE fantasies and should be read with that firmly in mind. Some are appealing, some are revolting, some extoll virtue, while others revel in criminal activity or revenge fantasy, but all are simply meant to titillate somebody. I don't know anyone who enjoys all the stories printed here, but you can find those you do enjoy and leave others to those that enjoy them. One thing you shouldn't do is come in and judge others' fantasy lives. I have made that mistake before, usually involving stories that feature violence and/or rape and been taken to task for it. I'll never enjoy those types of tales, but as long as those things remain fantasy, they harm no one.

If you read the stories featuring black women on lit, they are either fat and dark, mixed race, or mixed race and fat. Outside of Solar, no one writes stories about the women who fall in the middle of that spectrum. So I don't think he/she was being racist, I just think that from reading these stories, you would not think that beautiful size 0 - 6 women exist....at least not on lit.

So far so good. Sex, fear, lust and danger go well together! Keep it up!

to anon there are plenty of stories on here about thin black women and as a "fat" mixed race black woman I have no shortage of men with six packs trying to fuck me honey. So keep your fat shaming racist crap to yourself. Also to say that black female characters need to be written as virtuous because we are stereotyped as being over sexed is racist. I want to see diversity in black female characters because how I experience my sexuality is diverse. I happen to like rough sex many sisters do and are ashamed to admit for fear of being labeled whores. If you want to see a different kind of character WRITE IT.

I'm not sure what stories some of you are reading, but the majority of them seem to feature "regular" size women who along have curves. If your fantasy doesn't include a BBW, then don't read it. If something turns me off while I'm reading a story, I just stop reading i. e. BM/WF stories. Why waste time complaining about someone else's fantasy?

Haven't you ever seen a skinny black woman? Plus nowhere in the writing does it say that Max is obese, just curvy and not freakin' ANOREXIC!

I think the story is interesting but I always find it weird that when most black female authors write about dark-skinned black women, they cannot just have beautiful dark brown eyes like most black women do but always have to have different colored eyes which is more common in other races. It's almost as if black women can not fully accept that we are beautiful with our own predominant features on an unconscious level.

Also, I know that Max is described as curvy and with a nice ass as a compliment, but I think it's problematic that black women are always portrayed as curvy with pear-shaped or hourglass figures when the majority of us probably don't have these shapes even if we're not skinny. It's just that there is a disproportionate promotion of (dark-skinned) black women who are curvy or with big bums in the media compared to black women without the more curvy shape but still attractive and at an average weight.

Also, it seems weird to me that many stories about black women always have them with a blond-haired best friend who is either more petite than them or taller than them but is pretty much always more mild-mannered than the black women. I think this is a perfect example of internalized perceptions that black women are less feminine than white women and it shows up even when black women write our own stories.

This is just food for thought and I think that a lot of authors need to re-examine how we write about black women, especially dark-skinned black women and what we are implying about ourselves in our writing. And also examine why we all seem to portray ourselves almost as a monolith but don't allow ourselves the full range of different positive and feminine personalities that authors of other races afford female characters of their own race or that authors of every race afford female characters who are white. Not that it is a problem that white characters are afforded this, but black female characters need to be given the same range but more of the positive femininity because we do not have enough of it.