Lips of an Angel

There wasn't even a trace of the smile left on her face. "I'm pretty sure it's none of your business."

"What?"

Guilt flashed across her face. "You left. I said if you left, you... I said it was over, Scott."

I fought to keep my voice steady. "Who were you with?"

She pressed her lips together. "It's none of your business."

"Liz--"

"It's not!" She was fighting back tears. "I went out. I... I went out for a walk. You don't get to come in here and demand--"

"I was just worried about you," I said.

"You don't have the right to be worried about me." She folded her arms and straightened her back, though both her shoulders and her voice were trembling. "I went out. Someone else reminded me that I'm worth something. That's all you need to know."

My heart cracked. "Who?"

"No one you know."

"Who, Liz?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because I--" I stopped, my mouth half open.

"It doesn't matter," she said firmly. "You can sleep in the guest room tonight. Tomorrow, I want you to find another place to live."

**

There are two sides to every story, three if you count the truth.

The truth was, Jeremy St. John was a garbage human being, and considering what a piece of trash I was, that said a lot.

I didn't know what else was true in their story. Did Mallory cheat, and that's why he hit her? Did he hit her, and that's why she cheated? Did he forgive her cheating because she forgave his abuse, or did she forgive his abuse so she could continue cheating?

At the end of it all, it didn't matter. There was only one side to that story that mattered, and that was the side where they'd ended up together. Toxic though they clearly fucking were, they ended up together.

It boiled down to one simple choice, really. It's the same choice that every single person in a marriage has to make. Some people have it easy. Their answer is unwavering; a resounding, confident, firm answer that never, ever changes.

It's not as easy for others. For people like me, or Mallory, or Jeremy. The answer there is a question in itself, something to be considered, something that shifts and grows and becomes "maybe" when the only options are "yes" or "no."

Whatever the truth was in their marriage, Mallory had sat down after Jeremy hit her for the first time, and she asked herself: "Am I better off with him or without him?"

And after Mallory cheated on him for the first time, he sat down and wondered: "Will I be happier with her or without her?"

I didn't know why, or how, or what else they must have had to consider, but they found their answer. Terrible though I thought it was, they chose each other.

I found my answer, too. It had taken years; decades; far longer than it ever should have, but that night, I knew what my decision was.

I chose Liz.

I chose loving her.

I chose wanting her no matter what.

The problem was, she'd stopped choosing me.

The answer didn't matter. I'd waited too long. I'd waited until the question wasn't even a question anymore, until she'd realized how much better she could do, how much better off she was when she chose to be without me.

She left me standing in the kitchen, the air around me dark and heavy. I heard her go upstairs, and I heard the water start in the master bathroom, and as she washed the residue of another man off of her, I sat down at the kitchen table and cried.

I still loved her.

And I'd fucked it up.

--

There are many sides to this story. If you're interested in some of those other stories, this is part of the When The Lights Go Out universe. More specifically, if you want to find out what Liz and Ramona were up to while Scott was at Mallory's, the stories Save World Get Girl and Lakeside Park are companion pieces to this one.

Special thanks to chasten, norafares, and OneAuthor for your proof-reading, as well as the awesome people who provided feedback. Paul M, Kevin Matheny, centralsquareguy, KW, AG, PM, N, K, ED, KJ, MidNyt, and RP - thank you all for your support.

I do want to take a moment to say that Scott's character does not represent my views or opinions, nor do Mallory or Jeremy, and the point of the story is not for you to like or agree with any of them. As easy as it is to say that someone should just walk away from toxic relationships like Scott's or Mallory and Jeremy's, that's not how real life works. The resolution in this story isn't meant to promote staying in any sort of abusive relationship, nor is it meant to cast judgement on people who do. If you're in a relationship where you're not being treated the way you deserve, reach out to any number of your local resources for help.