All Comments on 'Little One'

Some slight errors, but overall a very good start and good story. Hope you write more; would love to see more chapters!

Make her call him daddy

liked the story but you could of done a few chapters on her rebellion which would of been nice xxx overall good though and im looking forward to next chapter

So the guy decides that she desperately needs medical attention and his dumb ass still puts her in a cage? I know she's suppose to be a pet but if she's as hurt as bad as he says then wouldn't he not put her in a cage with a water drip?

So far, i've enjoy this story! It is written well and feels relatable. Hopefully, you'll develope a bit more depth to the xharacter of the man who bought her. I'm excited to see how their relationship plays out.

She needs medical attention and his response is to cage her like an animal? I hope the cops blow his balls off and throw him in the cage. Complete trash.

Comments from good to garbage. Not for nothing if you had any medical training or just watched a bit to much ER then you wound realize that injuries like these and a five hour car trip would most likely cause death. The broken rib alone cloud have punctured a lung.If not from the hitting last night then the movement in the car could make it move. The dislocation or other breaks could have a fat embolism causing a limb to shut down and die, or a heart attack/blockage. The stress on the body, shock. Infection from cuts, blood poisoning, septic, horrible death. Why would a man have this kind on money on him and then drive for five hrs? Plane? Fancy RV, our bus? And no one with him? The trusted friend that was a navy seal now his body guard because he is walking around with 75 million dollars! His misunderstood college roommate that had one to many malpractice law suits and only practices medicine for cash; have him there to make sure that the new purchase would be healthy and not sure within a week.

Solid draft but needs more! Good luck and welcome to Lit.

Very interested in where this is going.

Well done! An excellent read! I can't wait for part II.

Thank you

I hope you write more about these two. There seems to be a great start to a story here.

I like what you have so far. I would like to see where you take this story.

Would love to see where this goes. With many regards, Adrian Edwards

From reading the varied comments, I need to weigh in. Its obvious you are not a tenured romance novelist. But I believe that this story has more potential than a lot of the others out there currently. I say, keep plugging away. Follow your instincts, but try to think about reality as well. The fact that he was willingly going to a real slave auction, and knew that he wanted a slave rather than a submissive, tells us something about his character. And his sudden protectiveness/sympathy towards this girl seems unlikely. But, as in all love stories, the unlikely becomes likely. Keep at it, but take your time and make sure you read through, ALOUD before submitting the story.

Keep going! Love the start!

Great start! I'll be looking forward to another chapter!

I'm confused. I'll piggy-back off of joodle. Why is he being compassion towards her but still puts her in a pet travel carrier? If he was truly being as kind to her as he seems wouldn't he just get her straight in the car? Just some questions to consider

I love it so far... She reminds me of me, fluffy, fiery pixie.. submissive and innocent but will fight you. Hehe, loving this! Can't wait to read the next one.

so far, very original plot!! :)) from a captivity of mindless brutality to a caring and loving dom? :) how would his training her be different?!:) next chapter soon please!!!:))

Who walks around with 75 million in cash? Auction house doesn't take PayPal for kidnapped women? Very 1990's .😉

5’ and 100 lbs isn’t out of shape/chubby by any means smh

The story doesn't make sense in itself. You simply can't state the motivation for buying her is to rescure her and get treadment as soon as possible and even get angry because you lose a few minutes bidding on the girl when you lock her inside a transport box unsuited for humans especially considering her injured state and drive 5 hours home as if nothing happended. A dislocated shoulder, malnourishment, phisical and mental abuse over 2 months, extreme whippings and beatings which most likely would cause internal bleeding as well aren't injuries you can take care of yourself. Or wait 5 hours driving home. Chances are the girl would have died on the way home. Either describe the 'saviour' having at least some humanity and get her the treadment she obviously needs asap or just picture him as the cruel emotionless slaver he is. You can't be both.

Putting BDSM and Non Con together is an oxymoron. He’s no better than the people who kidnapped and tortured her because he plans on keeping her. The only way this story could work would be to make it alt reality/ other world. As it stands it’s completely fucked up, any “training” equates to “grooming” like the sexual predator he is. Any future that contains returned affection is undeniably Stockholm Syndrome.

The reality of her situation is that she appears to be mentally as well as physically broken, if she’s able to regain her any sense of self there would be a high probability of her trying to escape or kill herself. Being female is not the same as being submissive sexually or otherwise.

Obviously this is intended as a fantasy, the poor damsel rescued from abusive monsters by a sexy dominant man instead it’s, hugely disappointing. I was hoping the header/ intro blurb was about a genuine Dom rescuing an abused sub. Instead she’s been literally bought by a freak who thinks it’s ok to own someone without their consent. I think it’s best if I just skip any more, definitely not for me. I prefer my erotic fantasies to actually be erotic and not trying to make human trafficking seem glamorous or acceptable in any way.

Best of luck with your writing.

Tess (uk)

I ended up here as this story has an association with something else i read.. couldnt get past the first part. Torture/ribs cracking/shoulder sockets.. had to stop reading. Maybe tone down that part next time?