All Comments on 'Little Tish Ch. 01'

Damn, this is exactly the type of story I crave for. The foreword was a blessing many stories are in dire need of and helped cement my interest, now I know exactly what to look forward and not fear the drama that comes up here and there. The characters are fun and the double POW is a nice touch here, gives them definition and real life feel. For a 1 page story it conveyed a lot of information without benign boring so another praise for you, being your first submission and all that.

Sure there are a few errors here and there, nothing a re-read or editorial help couldn't fix, but it did nothing bad fore the experience as a whole.

In the end I just had to give it a 5* before I cover my keyboard in saliva.

No more! Come on. Don't leave us hanging like this!

My main complaint is using two perspectives. Stick to one point of view and you'll get me interested in this one.

You state that this will be a long story, yet it is only one Literotica page.

Your dad hit the road after your mom got pregnant with your sister. By another man. Meaning she cheated on your dad. And she's the good guy?

Your step father has business savvy, implying he's an adult. An adult who knocked up a 14 year old?

I love the almost complete backstory to lead us into the meat of it. Can't wait for Ch 2

5/5

Definitely stick to one perspective. Maybe post two stories one of each. That way you could appeal to a larger audience and they could choose to read both. Keep up the good work.

If you read it again it says HIS dad knocked her up and started messing around with her cheerleader friend, then she tossed him. Then it say she got knocked up by a guy she said is the love of her like of true love..

She didn't cheat, Jake's dad was out of the picture and she met someone else. The story says she got pregnant on their first time together. So, they need to learn how to use condoms but that doesn't imply cheating.

Also saying the step father has savy business sense.. does not imply that he was an adult when he knocked her up at 14.

People are drawing conclusions based on not reading the story clearly and concisely.

I'm reading this very clearly. In reference to his father being out of their lives for good, he says:

"This took place shortly after finding out that mom had gotten herself in "the family way" once again, but this time the father was a long time friend and former lover;"

Sorry, but there's only one way to interpret this. Dad left shortly after mom got pregnant by a former boyfriend. Mom cheated on the dad.

Don't you just hate it when you screw up? It's always that "one little word" that does it--damn! Okay, setting the record straight: Irishmike73 has a sharp eye for detail. The passage reads, "This took place shortly after finding out that mom had gotten herself in "the family way" once again . . ."

It should have read that it "took place BEFORE finding out . . . The sequence of events is this: Jackie's dad's wandering eye leads him astray when one of her former "cheerleader friends" catches his eye after he was no longer attracted to her because she wasn't as attractive or as available to him pregnant. He screws around, she kicks him out, then she delivers young Jackie, then she encounters her older, former lover--her true love--in the park while her parents are watching the baby. She has gone there to think--to try to find some way to straighten out her life now that it is clearly in ruins. The two are irresistibly drawn to one other again, fall into each others' arms, take a walk, find themselves at his hotel and nature again has its way with them.

All this is (was?) in the narrative somewhere, perhaps even in this chapter in one of the many rewrites. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding and humbly beg forgiveness. In my defense, I have requested an editor quite a few times but I never heard back. (sigh)

Anyway, thanks Irishmike73 for keeping me on my toes.

HP

I thought this was going to be a love story between a brother and sister. The bro character goes on about how in love he is with his sister but ends up fucking his mom?! Ummm...no thanks! I'm sure I clicked on the sis/bro tag, nothing else! So a promising love story between just the sis/bro characters devolves into typical lit.com fare involving the mom and others. Really disappointed.

Great character development, I can't wait to read the next part.