All Comments on 'Long Road Ch. 03'

This story makes no sense whatsoever. It starts with a family business, dude joins military, he visits, but there's no tell of the events that happened during the stay other than, which his girl cheats on him, which he finds out via a random phone call while riding his bike? End ch. 1. Then he fucks Harper, the girl he kisses, to which the DS asks him wtf is wrong. That some how leads to him fucking the roommate, Layva. End Ch. 2. Now all of a Sudden there's someone named Angie who he's seeing and loves, evidently she's from his home town where he happened to be and they run across some of his brother's goons, who for whatever reason are watching him. I think this was a flashback? Then they're stripping somewhere after her fuck buddy dumps her. He tells a story about a scar, and then goes down on her because he's patient in the end of this chapter in regards to fucking some broad. End ch. 3

If you like what you read on this comment, feel free to proceed to ch. 4. Good riddance.

Jævlig dårlig historie. Gir opp her.

Horrendous nonsense. Why do you have to read the preceding chapters to understand this one? All of the chapters are mindless drivel.

If he's on a long road, then it's going to take a long time to get where he's going. He stops every ten minutes for some tail.

Could this get any worse ?? 1* .

So far, these stories are but a collection of disjointed erotic fuck scenes with a tough guy. Where's the plot? Where are the connecting dots to help make sense of this story?

I know you are just starting out and all, but one thing I can say is before submitting take a couple days away from what you wrote. Forget about it, go swimming, camping whatever.

Then come back and read it.. thoroughly, don't skim because you "already know" what you wrote. Read it like your first time.

You will see that it just does not flow, chapter is too short and hard to figure out what the hell is going on. I just cannot hold interest and I just can't remember who is supposed to be fucking and afraid and afraid of what and whom, etc.

Really I lost interest in it was it last chapter or the one before, and I have just skimmed and skipped to see if anything is explained or just another girl fucked.

Mike, do yourself & your readrers a big favour & get an editor, who hopefully can sort through any timeline jumble of the remaining chapters. The plot is quite good & your writing is ok but the way it's written with flashbacks added in willy nilly makes this a very difficult read. 3 ***

Very confusing story?!?

....like, even after reading chapters 1 and 2, I find myself asking in the first paragraph, "who is Angie?"

I'm enjoying every minute, but it would help if you offered at least some clearer indication of the times and perhaps a bit more cohesive linearity....

And you, who write better than 65% of the contributors here start by apologizing for having a first language other than English. Well, punish me some more!!

Sempre lembra-se que a communicação é uma a coisa primeira do coração, segundo da mente, e terçeiro das palavras.

Thank you!

Please carry on.

This story is for readers who enjoy suffering, just a little, as part of the reading experience. Similar to people who enjoy reading James Joyce's Ulysses, or Faulkner's The Sound And The Fury. I think it might end up actually being a good story, but I'm too lazy, or not fool enough, to plod through this narrative trying to make it make sense. Hell, you wrote it and you can't make it make sense, how could I?

But thanks for the effort. Maybe later. Probably not.

I had to go back and reread 1+2, but I think I starting to get it. 1+2 both received a score of 2. After the reread and reading this chapter it's easier to see that it is a 5 effort. Please keep going.

It is hard to read this story because it's chronologically disjointed, the offerings are short are short, and you post at log intervals. About the time I realize who the character are the submission is done.

Not bad so far. But if you want to keep me interested, you need to hold the story until you finish it, and then release it faster. Preferably on successive days. So far, 3 episode that could easily have been condensed to one. Not trying to discourage but it is very annoying to either not understand what you wrote - or have to reread all previous episodes. I won't remember all details of your story after a week or two.

Especially with all the nonlinear unexplained disorganized side trips. Also no map. I mean even just a date or year thrown on on these time jumps would help a lot.

Sexy, erotic story. But with such short chapters, many days apart, it is hard to follow. You need to help your reader to know where your plot is going. Apparently, his affair with Harper and her roomie is over and he has found a nurse, but not until now have they had sex. But why introduce the whole plot thread with his brother if you are not going to expand it until chapter 6 or 8 or whatever?

Sorry, but I've read enough to not care about whatever long road you're driving towards. I just don't care.

tough biker soldier guy bullshit. enough said.

What is this story about and where is it going ?. The chapters are too short to give it any continuity and it's far too disjointed with flashbacks that don't match up. It's too much like hard work than a good read.

Cant follow this story and its not worth having to study it.