All Comments on 'Loopholes Ch. 01'

This story had me so worked up I couldn't make it through the whole thing, I'll have to finish it after work.

A story as well written as this and as hot a "learning experience" should be given SEVEN stars !!

Description was intense and story hot

Everyone should read this story before trying anal. Especially the preparation and penetration parts and how to take it slow. Good read for sure.

If we are using the way back machine, i want to see Nick and Mia’s courtship! How they figured out their shared love of assfucking!

Edit the story, it kept saying the same thing over and over again.

The story idea is great! But way too many different words used to describe his dick, after a while it loses its punch and becomes a joke. Cut out the 15 dick descriptions per paragraph and write a story. It will we be way shorter than this one but it also won't lose its impact in an avalanche of dick descriptions.

While I gave both chapters 5*, please limit phrases like "pastor's eldest daughter" to a few uses, not 8. The sex was intense, but I agree with anon 3/5/18 about all the different words you used for Nick's cock.

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ZZ

As others have said, it's too wordy: in too many places you just seem to use multiple ways of saying the same thing

A good start. I hope all three girls become obsessed with anal, gaping and ass to mouth.

I think it started off great but when it really started getting hot and heavy toward bottom of page two I was distracted by all of the creative ways to say asshole and penis. Sometimes stripping it back to basics especially in the hottest moments does more for the reader because they can visualize it better.

It started out hot as hell then descended into absurdity.

Bill S.

About 4 pages too long ! As it is - only worth a three

I guess you were getting paid by the word, I started skipping over paragraphs looking for something new. I also love their gymnastics, how they can kiss while he is hugging her back. And how the twins can see her anal ring while he is fully embedded and wrapped around her back. Or her head sideways on the bedspread looking into her eyes. Try picturing what you describe as you read it. It's a really hot story, and concept, but you have hurt what you have by trying to overdo it.