All Comments on 'Losing Han Ch. 03'

Great story - lots of tension and angst for Jack. Can't wait for the bad guys to get their cumuppance though. Especially Dave. What a sick fuck that guy is!

The only thing lost in this story is my interest. I can't even begin to list the issues with this story and considering you're a half wit who doesn't like criticism, you'll just delete the negative comments anyway.

In a nutshell, none of this makes sense. From tricking Jack to the airport to carrying a weapon he had no intention of using to the conversation Han has in her head and then saying "Oh well, I have no control and am his slave" I. Mean , come on! Who says that?!? Would you? Seriously, would you ever conceivably say that or imagine someone saying that? The short answer is no. Not without months of being broken down through drugs, sleep deprivation, multiple rapes each day until everything that makes a person is killed.

I actually like negative criticism (positive too). So I haven't deleted anyone's comments since they're different points of view. Don't care for the half-wit remark but oh well.

Yeah, it is a conceit of the story that the drug is rapid acting (though it did take a week of priming) and has such specific effects. And there are going to be some more (depending on where the story goes). Ahh, I barely have enough time to write as it is, so I'm trying to work around technical sci-fi accuracy. But point taken.

Also, months of being broken down through drugs, sleep deprivation, multiple rapes each day until everything that makes a person is killed, yeah, not the story I wanted to write. But I'm sure someone else has if you want to read that.

Thanks! Yeah, I'm glad people are identifying Dave as pretty evil. Getting a few suggestions how to fuck him over in the end, so that will be fun.

How long until Han becomes knocked up? Will it be while Jack's in the hospital? Will she have multiple kids by the time he's out? Will she be a terrible mom because she a brainwashed sex slave? I hope so. Maybe the kid's crying in the next room but Han's to busy getting fucked to attend to the child. Maybe she gives Dave a blowjob while breastfeeding their kid. Maybe eventually they give up Han's child because Han is too much of a slut to care. I mean, how good of a whore slut mom will a person be?

Also, does Han have any kids with Jack. You mentioned Jack to talking to kids. It would have been hotter had Dave worn down Han to give up her kids and say on tape that she no longer wants to be a mom to them and turns over all her parental rights to Jack and then basically says "Fuck my kids". That way hot, sick, dirty, and twisted to see Han totally disown and reject her children for Dave and his cock and the arousal of having more kids with Dave. Maybe some internal mental dialogue with Han struggling over the fact that she's slowly becoming a whore mom and is not caring for or about her kids with Jack or her old life.

That being said, I'd like to see how Jack gets Han back. Will there be some sort of hero that Jack runs into to help him get Dave? Jack has to get some help somehow. As of right now, Dave holds all the cards but the tables do turn and the scales do tip.

Really enjoying this series, finding it far better than the rating for this one suggests. The plotting is perfunctory, but the writing gets the job done without overreaching, and (most importantly) it is a hot conceit that delivers. But seriously, keep with the dark tone set up so far with Jack's psychological torture. Either have Dave win, or Jack only win by becoming as monstrous. Please don't have some sappy Jack and Han happy ever after. Literotica is full of happy endings, be different!

A lot of questions that I kind of don't want to spoiled. That said, some questions will be answered in next two parts.

I am looking at re-posting the original version where Jack and Han have kids and Dave successfully takes her from him, with Han winding all knocked up. Some people asked to continue that story and provided some interesting ideas (adding a sister for Han and such). I would expand on the leaving/betraying family angle more (like you suggested) but take it in a different direction than the current story.

Thanks for your observations. The story will be a dark tone throughout regardless of how it ends. I have the ending sort of plotted out, but I am trying to fill in the gaps so it occurs naturally. I am also not wedded to anything and welcome any suggestions.

Also, I've been reading other high rated stories, trying to identify what makes them appeal to others. Most are of course fun to read, but a lot of what works for those stories would not fit with what I'm trying to write. But those that might, I try to understand the guts of the scenes that work and try to incorporate what I've learned I don't mean ripping off though, more like, "that's a cool/hot scene, I wonder how my characters would react if they went through a situation like that" and things usually turn out drastically different but better for my story, from my point of view of course.

Also, it is my first series, and I just want to have fun as well.

I think the best revenge jack can have against Dave would be to make him a eunuch, so that he ends up with the cock crazy Han without any way to truly please her himself. For Dave that would be pure torture, and Han would either have to stay with Dave or find someone else to be with/fuck. Of course no matter what Jack does, I don't see him surviving the wrath of Dave or Dave's partners-in-crime should Jack hurt or kill Dave.

Well I totally disagree with the no good guy ending.

I also agree with the guy that said that your having her have an internal monologue and yet she doesn't say a thing every time Dave turns on the video cameras.

I get she's mad at him (jake) but she KNOWS she being drugged and often, so she wouldn't just ignore her feelings. She knows he wanted more from her and she was holding out on him, she should feel tons of guilt for not letting jake be her husband and enjoy her body.

A wife should do everything they can do to make their husband happy, and he seems to try to do everything in his power to make her happy.

SR

Yes. At the very least Dave should pay. Or Dave should win it all. No in between. Leaning toward pay, because I may revisit the original ending where he wins (a previous version a few people have asked to repost).

As to whether Jack can carry it out is a plot thing.

Yes, a lot of people want Dave to suffer. So do I so I am kind of leaning towards that. But nothing is set in stone (first time writing and all).

As for the internal monologue disagreeing with the wife's actions, in the story, I'm trying to write that Han's will is being subjugated (via Magic! if you will), so the most she can do is internally rage as she enjoys the things Dave makes her do. Even the rage may disappear. As I said before, the drugs are just to get the story going the way I want it.

As to whether Han should feel guilt over not doing the sexual stuff Jack wanted, that's a good point. In fact, I've tried writing Han confessing maybe she should have been more accommodating. But I don't believe she was holding out on him. I tried to outline they had a great sex life and they were both happy. It's just Jack wanted more than she wanted to give at that time (she might have changed her mind later) and Jack did not want to do things she suggested (facetiously admittedly). Rather than communicate further, Jack made a selfish decision and did not think of the consequences of subverting his wife's will. So the apology kind of fell flat every time I tried to write it. I'm coming from a point of view where a relationship is not about what one owes the other sexually but whether the pair are on the same wavelength sexually.