All Comments on 'Lost Bet on Vacation'

There is potential here, but you most definitely need an editor. I'm not sure if the same person wrote the whole story, but there are some indications that the beginning and end were not done by the same writer.

There are a number of editors here on the site who will be quite willing and able to help you develop your writing and your style, so why not shop around to find one you can work well with?

Good luck and keep working at it.

Fine narrative, good start, with a possible sequel. Michael & Rachel's outing was quite erotic and arousing, and the narrative seemed plausible and enjoyable. The flow was good, but some grammar errors did distract my reading. Offenders were a few misspellings or typos, verb tense, homonym switch, punctuation, multiple misplacement of commas, and a few run-on sentences. Still, the writing was much better than many stories on Literotica, so I do thank you for your contribution and hope that you will continue to offer good arousing stories.

Is it rare for a woman to have an orgasm from penetration alone? If so, maybe I should play the lottery. ;)

10 was portrayed by David Tennant, not Michael Tennet (whoever that is).

I certainly appreciated this effort, thank you. It might be nice to have a follow up chapter. I bet they would follow instructions the next time. I would say take most anonymous comments with a grain of salt. If they can’t even log in and be accountable for their statements, why listen to them? Looking forward to what you have next.

Really good story that doesn’t follow the usual formulas too closely. I loved the soft Dom/Sub angle and was left longing for the morning after as much as Rachel craves her next orgasm. A little reluctant MM in the morning will make this story even hotter.

I enjoyed the adventure. This is not so unbelievable, maybe I should brush up on scrabble or my spelling. One thing, you let me imagine what Alice, Adam, Rachel, and Michael looked like, nothing 10" or DDD'S. Other writers take note I want to decide who I'm partying with. I do love Rachel's eagerness to blow Adam

I agree with mBrow. A good horny story, but too many avoidable errors distracted.

My five stars are for the first page. The second page is not bad, just predictable. I'm more aroused by the breaking down of the first barriers, and the physical and verbal confessions of desire that lead to outright begging.

You do need an editor, or learn to edit your own work. It reads like something typed out fresh while turned on, which is a great way to be creative but not so great for typos and grammar. Those are distracting to your fans.

I would love to read another story about another couple encountering Alice and Adam, and let A&A boss them around for even longer, with more subtle teasing, some climaxes, but leaving out the frenzy of all possible sex positions and multiple climaxes for sequels. As for Michael and Rachel's sequel, doubts, confusion, and second-thoughts could make a barrier to be slowly burned away just as erotically as first-timing was in this story.

Good story. I agree page 1 is stronger and it is believable. It had the desired effect.

Take more time proofreading: A few typos.

Sometimes I try to comment before reading the comments of others, but not this time. I honestly got into the story so much that the few typos didn't phase me. That's a sign (to me) of good storytelling (and a good story teller). I liked the slow buildup, especially because you followed up with some friendly dominance, desperate submission (surrender?), and seriously hot sex scenes.

This story reveals you have talent in storytelling, and a fun imagination. I hope you will write more. I also encourage you to, please, add a chapter.

That's how my wife got me an STD. Thanks for nothing. And the guy responsible lost his mariage and was kicked out of their friendship. But of course you don't want upset your readers with a warning to use condoms. so you will delete this comment.

how long until chapter 3 is ready?