- Non-Erotic
- Lost Empire Ch. 33
- Comments
All Comments on 'Lost Empire Ch. 33'
by Pars001
- 7 Comments
Anonymousalmost 7 years agoOnly Chapter 32 in sci-fi genre
I am really enjoying this story and look forward to the next installment
Almost wish they were longer but they are a quick read
At two pages a day. And I like your writing style
Anonymousalmost 7 years agohi when are you goign ot post the chapter up to 48. that posted on other sights ????
i kinda , want to sew how it ends.
godo sory.
hellinahelmetalmost 7 years agoMan I read close to 25 chapters this weekend. Really got my head wrapped around this story, thank you for a great yarn, looking forward to the next chapters...
Anonymousalmost 7 years agoSome chapters begin with the list of Elite Imperial Guardians:
0001 - Tempro
0003 - Conner
Why not put the name of the Prime next to the name of the ship?
Anonymous3 months agoI love this story but I feel like there’s a few things you may want to consider. Find an editor from this site to help you. A LOT of this chapter was just run on sentences or lacking punctuation to a point I had to reread it several times before I understood the point that was being made. Signal thoughts with something. Italian, an apostrophe ‘internal thoughts’ or an asterisk even.
I had to get you away from her and her babying he thought vs
‘I had to get you away from her and her babying’ he thought.
Also separate different speakers or speaking from internal thoughts with a new line.
“I can’t believe you did this” he said. “But you told me to”. Ugh this woman is driving me mad he thought
^no (not a quote from the story but example)
“I can’t believe you did this” he said.
“But you told me to”
Ugh this woman is driving me mad he thought.
^ yes
Also is there something I missed with Dempsey that is allowing his pupil to learn at warp speed? A guy becomes a master of an assassin art in 8 days? Oddly enough THAT seems to pull me out of the story more than a several mile long ship being built from essentially thin air in a week.
You dont need to cram a million quips and explanations into things either. Over explaining or delving insanely deep into something minor or going on and on about a persons hatred for another gets distracting
Pars001@Pars001
