All Comments on 'Lost in Turbulence'

Now...about continuity! :+))

Your italicized surges seem to be multi-purposed, and not from one source.

Ooopsy! Confusing. Many times. It was okay up front, when it seemed like

test questions being reviewed. But they didn't maintain that continuity.

There's one long section of them that is dialog without quotation marks?

I had no idea who was what was which?

My first suggestion is to remove completely all your italicized segments.

Then focus entirely on continuity.

Watch for your love of language and interior monologue getting in the way

of emotional development. In ways the reader can more easily feel.

For example, your long DNA paragraph is exquisitely written. Clever, etcetera.

But it interrupts the flow of the scene!

Your book-ending scene works, I think.

But it's in a style we haven't been reading for a good long stretch.

Summary? You're a very excellent writer, but this story needs cutting and polishing.

Congratulations for making me feel I was in the woods with them!

Good, very honest story but your style is all over the place, You start with short sharp sentences that are hard to read, you change from the third person to being the girl suddenly, generally it appears written in parts, stiched together over some time.

I loved the story. I found i had to let the story flow over me and not be concerned about whose thoughts i was reading. Just went with it and enjoyed the tale. I had to stop a few times to reminice about sweaty and then cold mountain nights in a tent with the one I love. Thanks for writing this lovely story.