by FinalStand
This is one of the most intriguing erotic stories I have read. It was extremely wonderful to see the sexual growth of the characters (except the father). Outstanding effort on the part of the author. 5 star series.
Lorna is right and Damian is wrong, she is becoming a prostitute and whore. Why is that fun, for heavens sake. Lorna and the victims and yes they are victims, Lorna’s use by Kathryn proves that, need to run away and fast.
I take it Iiene is being prostituted and Seven too????
The ending is poor, it could’ve been so much better, plus the ending is poorly explained as well.
The last chapter scores 3/5. A decent story ruined by its ending. It needs to be rewritten.
A good story, well executed but severely let down by a lack of patience, a reasonable dictionary and an English/American grammar.
All ten chapters were difficult to read due to the variations of tense and spelling, arrange for someone else to proofread and edit your work.
this is what a complete story looks like. Smut is easy to do, but a story that is both intelligent and sexy that can capture you? That is a bit harder and I've now read two of yours ( the only two I've read so far ) that do this.
I see you haven't posted in a long time. I hope you haven't stopped writing, that would be a damn shame.
I look forward to reading more of your stories and I hope to see some new ones pop up.
Some grammatical and spelling errors not picked up by editing. Not into the incest with sister and mother but perhaps that's the only way to pull it together.
However there's an exceptionally well thought out and generally well written story there although is it incomplete? The dialogues at times are varied and interesting with dark amusement being portrayed. I thought the start was excellent and it took a while to fathom out where it was going but then lost its way slightly in the middle chapters before coming back with a bang for the last two.
Buf is it completed? How did the relationship with Danielle go? Also you re-introduced Seven and added her mother into the mix but no development after that? Is the father still strapped to the bed?
5 stars throughout.
I gotta admit, aside from a few grammatical and spelling errors, this has potential to be a great story line. It would have been nice to see dad get what he deserved, but I can see where you ended it and it made sense. Great job and keep them coming...
It didn't. Bah.
i have only began to read the rest of your stories... this one is very nicely done... would like more of this if you can
Amazing series with a very cool storyline. I hope you get around to finishing it Finalstand along with your other stories that have sadly been left unfinished for far to long.
I found it a little scattered with weak connections between the various chapters. The original plot of revenge seems to have been lost to the individual escapades; a touch more continuity would have both expanded and improved the tale.
Overall though, it has a good premise and interesting subject matter.
Found this story and it garbed me right off. I enjoy your writing and look forward to the rest of the story. Thank you.
Joodle, I am planning (eventually when some other projects are out of my head) to move back that way. Mainly concerning the plot between Danielle and her ex-husband, drawing Tabitha as well. If you would like to give me further input please e-mail me. I appreciate the input.
I think you need to re-visit what the original plot was. Everything seems to have fallen apart, or exploded. We never found out what the outcome was with the dad, and if he's still tied up in bed or not. I personally am grossed out about the sister brother love thing. Its one thing if its mindless spontaneous combustive sex, but to engage in intercourse of supposedly sound mind and body with one's sibling is just wrong. The revenge on the mother thing was hot. The punishment using humiliation could not be more effective of an aphrodisiac. I love Damien's character, but the surrounding characters seem to have fallen into disarray. You are losing sight of the original plot (or what I assumed to be the original plot). Fabulous stories can have twists and turns, but in the last few chapters, the twists and turns have become sloppy and vague. There is still a chance to save this series. Ditch the sister (sexually), close the deals on the big blackmail extravaganza, and build a firmer relationship for Damien and Danielle. Call me monogamous. I love the extreme and kinky edge their relationship had in the beginning. Wrap it up on the drama, and solidify. Good luck!
I really enjoyed the story arc. Good plot and some very well-written scenes. I like the BDSM and non-consent elements combined with a main character who is essentially a "good guy." The occasional spelling errors were a little distracting, but the quality of the story made up for it. I read the entire series start to finish!
Having some writing issues (other ideas roaming my head) but I've already written part of the story.
Please some more of this story, its been great so far.