Love in the Time of Curiosity Ch. 04

'What about us?'

Those three words caused me to spin round and look Paige in the eyes, I didn't think there was an us but staring at her I realised there just might be. I was reminded or another verse of the song I heard in the shower.

Alright, everything is alright. Since you came along.

And before you, I had nowhere to run to, and nothing to hold on to. I came so close to giving it up.

We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, I don't remember who made the first move but I do remember finding my face edging closer to Paige's.

Then I kissed her.

No time to think I just kissed her, it was a different kiss than I'd had before with Mands; normally our kisses are quick and hard, full of passion and lust. Paige was far slowly, far softer, a truly loving kiss. We let each other go after a while, Paige looked embarrassed.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.'

'It's fine Paige, I kissed you as well.'

'I know but... You're obviously having a hard time with all this, I don't want to confuse you any further.'

'I see. Should I leave then?'

'I think that'll be best.'

Quickly and silently I left the room, then just as quickly I left the bar. I got back to the apartment before ten, hoping I could come up with a good excuse for Mands. But there was no need, the apartment was empty when I got back, there was no note or anything telling me where Mands had gone, not that I needed one, I knew where she was.

Here I was feeling guilty about cheating on her and yet she's doing the exact same to me, I cried myself to sleep that night. This had gone on too long, it had been over two months since I caught Mands and yet because I was too scared I hadn't done anything about it, I was going to tell her everything.

AUGUST

Ok I didn't tell Mands straight away, I needed courage, I needed time, I needed a good opportunity, any and all excuses I could find for not saying anything I took. It wasn't until the 28th of August that I finally ran out of excuses. We were both called to the hospital by Caleb, Billie had given birth to her second child. Amanda and I rushed to the hospital, the thought of our friend the only thing in our minds. When we got to the hospital and to Billie's room she was already holding her new baby to her breast.

'Hey you guys made it.' Billie spoke in a whisper. 'Come in.'

Silent as we could Amanda and I walked inside. Billie handed the baby to Amanda first. 'It's a girl.' She told us as she did.

Amanda looked into the sleeping face of the baby girl. 'Billie's she's gorgeous. What's her name?'

A mischievous smile went across Billie's face. 'Caleb and I had been talking and we thought we'd name her Carol.'

The colour drained from Amanda's face, I actually lent forward to catch the baby if Amanda dropped her. 'What?'

'Well Cay got to name Tyler after his dead friend so I did the same for her. I hope you don't mind.'

The tears welling up in Mands face showed she didn't, she said nothing but we all knew she was glad the memory of her sister was being respected.

The next few hours were a little more hectic, several doctors came by for tests, a few choice family members as well. At one point Amanda went off to find a vending machine but when she didn't return for a while I went off to find her. But I didn't go to the vending machines, I asked around and found Thomas's office, I intended to barge in on whatever Mands was doing with him but I was cut short by Mands walking out. I ducked into a nearby room and watched, I couldn't hear what they said to each other but I could see them.

And I could see the kiss they had.

Slow, gently, loving. This was a special kiss, there was something between them, it hurt a lot more than I thought. Perhaps I thought, or hoped, it was just fucking for the two of them but this confirmed what I feared, I was crying again, god I'd cried more in the last two months than I'd ever done before.

As soon as Mands was out of site I ran, not back to Billie but out, out the ward, out the hospital, out of a life I obviously didn't fit in. The rain started falling on the drive, it was small enough to drive in but it was getting heavier. When I arrived at the bar it was closed but I knew Paige was still be in, I knocked on the door.

'We're closed.'

I knocked again, harder.

'I said we're fucking closed.'

A third time knocking, footsteps to the door.

'You fucking drunks how many times...'

I didn't wait for Paige to finish, as soon as the door was open and she had time to recognize me I launched into a kiss which Paige welcomed. I slammed the door behind me and pushed Paige toward the bedroom, clothes were being torn off, jackets flung, shirts ripped, my bra was off by the time we reached the bedroom door. Paige spun me round and threw me to the bed. As she took off her top I was kicking off my trousers and pants, I looked on at Paige as her breasts were revealed to me, I'd obviously seen bigger with Amanda but Paige's looked tailor-made to her form, perfect in size with mini-marshmallow sized nipples jutting out on them, she looked like she tasted of sugar.

Because I was already naked Paige went down on me first, she was a lot more experienced than Mands and knew what she was doing straight away. I swear her tongue grew a foot in diameter, it was licking and touching damn near every part of my pussy, added to that the warm suction on my clit and two fingers stroking my cunt and I was going to cum soon.

But I couldn't get Mands out of my head, not in a sexual way but in a guilt-ridden one, she wouldn't leave. I couldn't go through with this.

'Paige, stop. Please Paige stop.'

I pushed her away from me so she would get the message.

'What's wrong Hezz?'

'I can't do this.'

'What?'

'I can't do this, I, I just can't. I'm sorry but.'

I started putting my clothes back on, only my trousers and shirt though I just to run.

'Hezz what is it calm down.'

'No, I can't. I need, I need to go, sorry.'

As soon I was suitable dressed I ran out without any more questions, started the car and drove off. My life was completely fucked, I don't tell my girlfriend I knew she's cheating because I don't want to lose her and yet when I do the same thing I get guilty. The rain by now was impossible to drive in and with the never-ending stream of tears in my eyes the inevitable happened. I didn't know where I was on the drive home, I was going by instinct to find the apartment, thankfully I didn't have much trouble finding home the problem came not long afterwards when I crashed the car into a lamppost.

I just sat there in the car for ages, hours, weeks, years I don't know. The crash wasn't serious so physically I was fine, no broken bones or anything serious but emotionally I was broken, I couldn't go on anymore. I got out the car and allowed the rain to soak me, hiding my tears, I ran out into the middle of the road and just let it out.

'FFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK!!' I was screaming at no-one, there was just me in the middle of an empty road.

Movement to my side caught my attention, I saw Mands walking towards me looking terrified. I couldn't hold back anymore and I just fell into her.

'I'm sorry Mands, I can't do this anymore.'

'Jesus Hezz, I heard the crash from upstairs, when I saw your car I feared the worst. Where the fuck were you, you disappeared from the hospital.'

I said nothing, I couldn't. Mands carried me towards the apartment, standing in the doorway I could see Thomas, Amanda saw me looking at him.

'He offered to take me home after you left.'

I stopped walking and took Amanda's hand off my shoulder. 'Mands I know.'

'Know what?'

'I know about you and Thomas, I saw you and him together.'

The rain was still drenching us, Mands didn't even try to hide her shame. 'How long have you known?'

'I saw you two on Billie's wedding day, I got back after delivering the present and I saw you two on the sofa.'

'Fuck Hezz I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say anything?'

'I didn't want to lose you. I hate myself so much for not saying anything and forcing myself into self-destruction but it meant I wouldn't have to lose you. Tell me Mands, how long has this been going on?'

'We've been meeting in secret ever since my mum's death, just a coffee or a bite to eat but it got more and more serious. Billie's wedding was the first time we had sex I swear.'

'Do you..?'

'Yes, I feel safe with him, I'm cared for and protected. I have you to thank for that.'

'What?'

'Our time together after what Craig did to me, you helped me passed that, you taught me to care again. I'll always love you Hezz, more than any friend should but this wasn't going to last, I'm not gay I never was, you just helped me see love once more.'

Mands was right, even when we were together for the first time, the proper time, she said she wasn't gay. I'm a fuckin idiot for believing we had a future together.

'I don't want this to end Mands, I can't believe this is ending.'

'I can't believe it either, just be glad it's now and not later.' Amanda gave me one last kiss. 'I'm so sorry Heather, I shouldn't have put you through this.'

I remember the chorus to the song I heard in the shower.

We say goodbye in the pouring rain and I break down as you walk away.

Cause all my life I felt this way but I could never find the words to say. Stay.

And like that it was over, two years with my best friend gone like that, washed away in the rain. It was the best and worst relationship I'd ever been in; I got to be with my best friend in the most intimate manner and love her closer than other friends can but in the end it ruined me. A few days after me and Mands broke up Rachel came to see me.

'Heather, I heard about you and Mands, I'm so sorry.'

'It's fine Rach, I'll get over it. Might take a while but I will.'

'You sure you're ok?'

'At the moment no but give it time.'

Rachel put her arm on my shoulder 'You know my dad's a priest right?'

'Yeah.'

'Well he taught me that everything happens for a reason, this will all work out in the end.'

I didn't realise it at the time but that advice would help me more than I thought. Surprisingly it was true, because of everything that had happened to Amanda she finally found someone who wouldn't forsake her, three years after they first got together Amanda Townsend and Thomas Freeman married in a May wedding, after five years of marriage they have twin daughters and are expecting a son in the autumn.

Craig Allen was released from prison on parole 7 years after he sent there, he paid a quick visit to Amanda where he apologized for what he did to her. Last I heard he joined the army, I don't know what became of him.

Caleb and Billie never had any more children but they stayed together for years. There was some panic when the kids were in their teens and they had to test them for Caleb's brain condition, Tyler was safe but Carol was diagnosed with the same condition. Caleb Dawltry died at the age of 39 after almost twenty years of marriage, Billie was obviously devastated she lost a brother and a husband. She never remarried.

And me, well the chapter in my life with Amanda was closed but another was starting.

OCTOBER

About two months after me and Mands broke up I got a surprise call.

'Hello?'

'Hey Hezz, it's Paige. I know it's been a while but I didn't know if you wanted to talk to me.'

'Paige, sorry I totally forgot. I've been going through a lot here. Me and Amanda broke up.'

'Man I'm sorry.'

'It's ok.'

'Say now that you're single do you fancy meeting up, catch a movie or a bite to eat.'

'Paige Dreyer are you asking me out on a date?'

'Depends, what are the chances of you putting out.?'

'Pay for dinner and we'll see.'

Paige and I made the arrangements to meet up, hanging up the phone I caught myself smiling for the first time in a long time. I thought about what Rachel said about things happening for a reason.

Carol died so that Amanda and I would get closer.

We got closer so that I would fall in love with her.

I fell in love with her so that we would have that drunken night together.

That drunken night would get Craig jealous and attack Mands.

That attack would introduce Mands to Thomas.

So does that mean I fell in love with Mands so that when I caught her and Thomas I would run away and find Paige? Is Paige who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with?

It's a curious thought, we just have to wait and see.

*

That is the end of the Curiosity series, I hope you all have enjoyed it, I'm actually surprised at the positive feedback it's received.

The next series will be a return to the Incest category for 'Seasons With Samantha' and shall be released for the Summer Lovin competition.

Thanks again for reading and please don't be afraid to leave any feedback, questions or comments.