All Comments on 'Love Djinn Ch. 01'

A very good start,please continue.

this partial page was disorganized enough for me. I'll pass on anything that comes after.

no continuity

nothing that links his trip to the attic with moving to a college apartment.

the last sentence in the 2nd paragraph is unrelated to the main body of the text.

who are these people?

have they already left the old family home?

where's mom in all this?

Interesting opening chapter, please continue but watch your continuity. So far so good, better than many stories that get posted.

I like this start of the story, but maybe you need to explain better the origin of the protagonists.

You are telling about the infidelity of the father to the mother, but not talk much about what happened. You say they went from his house to a new place, but not clearly explain what happens to Jon in the attic when his sister Kim called him.

Maybe, in other chapter, you can explain better all that.

I think that story have possibilities to be great.

5* for you, but write more extend the next chapter, to explain well the story.

Waiting the next chapter, and please, consider my honest opinion.

I apologize for my English, is not my native language.

Good Start can't wait to see where you take the story . Gave it a 4 out of 5 it was a little to short for me needed more to the ending .Maybe waking up with the sister looking at him and asking if he's OK . Good Luck and please keep going want to see where you take it .Thanks for the story..

Really good start. I look forward to reading more.

Very intriguing.

Will he now have the life long love of a specical person,or will he have a bit of a harem with a special few lovely ladies plus with the ability to attract other women at will.

And I love stories that are not too long !

I read Lit often (I know I need a life) and you have to trawl through a dozen bad stories to get to a good one. We'll written (though I'm no grammar expert) and an interesting plot. Cleaning out the attic with his sister the love jinn promises the next woman he sees will fall in love with him... his sister maybe? Rings more fantasy than sci if but still liking the story. Hoping for more chapters but I've read Lit long enough to know some of the best authors leave the best stories unfinished...we'll see...

Looking forward to reading the next chapter.

I concur with the others here, this looks to be a lot of fun! Please, do continue, we eagerly await more!

While not a fan of short stories, chapters or especially, pages, this does show great imagination by the description of a Jinn. He can only wake to one person; his sister, obviously. Please continue and give us a full page, if not more. An easy but hopeful Five.

It has come to my attention that there is a bit of confusion in the first few paragraphs. I'll be doing my best to edit out the confusing bits and maybe make this chapter a bit longer. Look for that in the next week or so. Thank you all for giving my submission a read!

A nice start, but a little short.

For example I did not see where he cleans - the old family attic or the house he moves into?

But the idea is new, I saw many stories with jinns granting wishes, power, sex and much more, but I don't remember a love jinn - i really would like to know how this story progresses.

I found the story very imaginative, and easily figured out they were cleaning their Mom's junk from the attic of the house they grew up in as part of the process of moving out to the new apartment. While the page was a bit short, it hit all the bases describing the situation, who they were, what they were doing, and where they were going when they got through cleaning. The description of the Jinn (Djinn maybe?) was interesting, different from the usual antique oil lamp producing a puff of smoke that turns into a real live (and usually naked!) girl. Looking forward to the next installment to see what mischief ensues between the brother and sister...

hope that his MILF mom is awaiting his attention. Good story!

You've set a good foundation. Your grammar is good, flows well, and is easy to read. I'd like to see the genie-produced vacay scenes that are common in the love genie stories.

chapter 2!

It's fucking pathetic that you start a story like this only to not release anymore stories and its been 5 years

Love the story but it needs to be continued. AAAAAA++++++

More pretty please!!