All Comments on 'Love Next Door'

If you're going for realism, try not having a 20 year old ask " would you like to accompany me?" Or saying "I'm at my limit"

First of all, the description was rather blank. The author could've done much —much— more with better description. And what about proofreading? There are so many grammar and spelling errors that the story would never qualify as a book for publishing.

But overall, this story is ‘okay’.

Sorry, I edit them myself, and I admit I was never the best at spelling and such, but I write from my gut and hope the feeling comes out. If you care to point out the errors I'll fix them, but I try to move on and make more stories rather than reread my old ones.

On word choice, this 20yr "kid" is and awkward and bookish nerd who WOULD say things like that. I felt I got that across, but I guess not to everyone.

But to short, he falls in love and asks her to marry him after one sexual adventure. Finds out she is a mother living with her brother. You needed a better. Background and if. He fell for her a little to fast and she was desperate.

Hi, writing major here- about to do it in grad school too. Writing 101: A higher quantity of stories =/= better quality. So please, for the enjoyment of your readers, reread your own work and don't be afraid to use google to spell check. You're posting these stories online, which tells me that you want people too enjoy them. If people are distracted by your spelling and grammar, they aren't enjoying it as much.

Writing 102: Even an "awkward and bookish nerd" (and no, that didn't come across) will speak in a fluid manner. Take it from an awkward and bookish nerd. Writing dialogue is an art form because it needs to be readable, but also believable as speech. It takes time to become good at it, and based on your work here I think you have a chance.

Based on the wording of the response you gave, I'll assume you have been in less than a handful of writing critiques- maybe even none at all. That's fine, of course, but it means that I also don't expect you to take my advice to heart. Just keep in mind that if you're putting your writing out there in public, you'll need to expect criticism. Take it as the advice it's intended to be rather than insult and learn from it what your readers want.

But that's all just my opinion. Good luck in your future writing.

..??????????? Could've wrote all that in 2 1/2 lines...

They met, they chat, she argued with her brother, the neighbours walked 2 shop & back, she knocked, he answered & followed her request 2 fix PC, they had sex, he declared luv 4 for, he asked them both to live with him, he asked her to marry him.

Have I missed anything, oh yes , it needs more chapters after rewriting it properly, it don't even qualify as a short story.

Great one!

11/10 Golden Condoms!!!!!

when is chapter two coming out ?