All Comments on 'Love or Lust Ch. 01'

You might want to let your readers know where things fall in a timeline. Like the very beginning was present and the rest was how we got there. Otherwise it was nice.

Thanks for your comment, it is indeed less clear where the first paragraph sits in the timeline. I think it would be more clear with the full story present, one chapter is rather short to see it in perspective, but I don't know yet how to create a black scene change -like in a movie- in writing. Just putting prologue or epilogue just doesn't feel right to me.

So far I've been using a single * for short breaks, ** for a break during the same day, *** for a break until the next day, and **** for a much longer break. There's unfortunately no equivalent standard that works as well as visual cues in writing.

And I dislike using "the next day/morning" or "when she/he woke up" so often because of repetition.

That's an easy fix. ^_^

ASCII-art. I guarantee there are specific sets of characters which you could find using a web-search, copy-paste, and use for your own stories, and nobody would bat an eye.

It doesn't need to be elaborate, either -- some authors just use a bunch of "=======" across the width of the page for 2 full lines, and leave an extra blank line just-above and just-below the scene-break.

I've seen various creative ways denoting scene changes, and I've always prefered ASCII emoticons above the graphic smilies every program is filled with nowadays. :-/

.

The main problem is denoting how much time has passed without having to describe it explicitly every time (was that a pun?).

With a visual medium it's much easier to pick that up for the viewers.

The dialogue is boring and slow moving. See Evil Alpaca's or Colleen Thomas's stories for how to do good dialogue

Slow moving is actually intentional in a way, but I'll have a look at your suggestions and see what I can pick up from them. Thanks. :-)