All Comments on 'Love Thy Neighbor'

In your writing you need to settle on present tense or past tense. You start out the story telling as if it happened in the past. Then you started mixing up the past and present. When you got to the “good stuff” you told it as if it were happening right now. I usually tune out a story when the author does this, but I liked your story line well enough that I made it to the end. As you share more of your stories, please keep this in mind. The quality of your story will improve immensely.

I was a little confused by your comment so I went back and reread my story. As I read I realized I pasted the wrong copy. The stories are the same but this was before I proofed it (I found a lot of mistakes. Fortunately, they didn't take away from the story). As for the "action", it was meant to be read as if in the present because whenever I remember that night it's like I'm reliving it. My memories are always very vivid to me and I tried to portray that here. I guess I could try and change some of the wording but those sections in subsequent works will most likely read like that. Thank you for your input.

Married in a sexless marriage? Why?

Why marry Ashley - that's a fucking waste of a life. Not is the protagonist not getting any sex from her, but she is definitely cheating on him.

Without respect, there is no marriage or at least no reason for marriage. Yes, everything else is fine, right.... that's a cop-out.

He should have married Sandra.

2/5

Gotta go with TheKrrak and ask wtf? He has a hot neighbor who is seriously into him and he marries Ashley. He's one sick puppy but so is Sandra for letting him use her as a booty call. A swing and a miss.

Lost me in the first paragraph: "never had a woman that I didn't "bottom out" in". What a crock of SHIT. 1 Star!

That's about it. It's all about position to get good and deep. There's nothing better than when you feel the cervix open up and swallow your head. The orgasm is much better for her too. Knowing that why wouldn't you try to make it happen every time?