All Comments on 'Lucy's Captor Pt. 02'

Enjoyable little slave story, thanks. Several errors including two different tenses in the second sentence right at the beginning, and “sparking” in the third. Spell check should have caught “rhythm” for you to save a spank. Keep writing slave girl.

Near the beginning “and him sparking me” instead of spanking me. If this story has as many mistakes as the first chapter you are going to have a sore bottom.

You can improve with each chapter but some suggestions, here:

Write in the third person, not the bad guy or the heroine's point of view. This will allow you to think or put yourself creatively in the character's place. That way you can more evenly distribute what all characters are thinking and try to do more dialogue.

Sir or any any other such word is not a synonym , not the same as Master in modern usage. This can sink your story, using something other than Master/Slave.

The character should continue to be reluctant, fearful , regretful, uneasy thouhtful, the heroine, that is.

Avoid auto-submission, where you have the character just become a submissive and enjoy it, as if she was not afraid of her own demise at all times and not in distress over losing her freedom. She is the heroine.

If you end the story, have some resolution/redemption to offer your heroine.

Just a few suggestions. Take Care

Paragraph 10, two typos in the sentence...

" I'm going to take your gag off, and you are going to answer m respectfully.

1) An extra space before the I at the start of the sentence

2) Missing an e in me near the end of the sentence

Enjoy your spankings.

Overall you did a very good job with the story, but I counted 8 mistakes. Be sure to count each stroke Master gives you.

In the first paragraph, two mistakes. It was a SUV, not a van and "sparking" should have been "spanking".

3. " I'm going to take your gag off, and you are going to answer m respectfully ...". "m" should have been "me", of course.

4. & 5. "But now is a good time to talk about your actions. What did yo do wrong this morning, slave?"

"I didnt answer your questions, sir." "yo" is "you" and "didnt" is "didn't"

6. & 7. After working it into my booty, he organ pushing it into invetween my legs, where my pussy peaked out. Besides misspelling "inbetween", this sentence didn't make any sense.

8. I felt fear, hatred, pain, but also wanted and horney. "Open, slut." Misspelled horny.

Again, overall good story. Keep working at it!

Here’s one more for your tally . “Sir began spreading it on my freshly beaten ass, and I felt the lessen slightly.” Did you mean the burn perhaps ? If you enjoy spankings I think the errors were intentional and you’re going to be a happy girl with a sore bottom . Over all I enjoyed the first two chapters and am eagerly awaiting the third .

It would be nice if you updated the soon and Not just leave it here I hope she still fights back some cause even if she likes it he still kiddnaped and raped her etc

Biding her time to wait for an opportunity to escape as a good move, better if she can stab him in the neck/ belly/ groin as she escapes.

It’s what I’d aim to do in her situation, of course the other option is suicide sure it’s a last resort. If you’re wondering then yes I am a sexually submissive woman, it’s worth remembering that some people will not tolerate being held against their will at any cost.

Then she can go and find a good Dom instead of this arsehole wannabe. Typical prick he’s a freak who’s kidnapped and raped her and he still feels the need to call her a slut. He’s pathetic he’s got no right to call her that. If she’d fucked 20 men she still wouldn’t be a slut, just sexually liberated.

I do enjoy a lot of non con/reluctance stories but prefer consensual non consensual (aka a scene) or reluctance stories.

At this point I’m hoping for escape and revenge, unless this turns out to be an extended prearranged scene.

As an aside somebody suggested including headers at the start of each chapter, it’s a good idea to include what you plan to write, advance warning of trigger subjects are greatly appreciated.

Hope you enjoyed your punishment/ funishment

Tess (UK)

I liked this story. I sure hope you write more.

To me, it was almost a 5. It needs a bit more kink. And he needs to take her ass.