All Comments on 'Maidens of Castle Grabadash!'

This could develop into a very interesting story. Perhaps Grabadash could do his part to repopulate the world.

This story has good potential, but there were a couple of issues that confused me. The first was the various character ages. How old is Grabadash supposed to be? It sound like he's 40 to 50 years old. That makes sense to me since he's been fighting and traveling for 13 years. Fluttercup is the one that confuses me. You mention that she's only a few years older than the other girls, but she's been traveling the same amount of time as Grabadash. Unless she was 7 or 8 when she left with Grabadash, her age doesn't make much sense to me.

Secondly, it feels like Belle and Tigerlily have been there a while. If this is the case, Belle's French speaking patterns don't make a lot of sense. She speaks like she was dropped off a year ago in an English speaking culture and is just now starting to adapt. The half French, half English dialogue just doesn't make sense if she's been living with someone that speaks a completely different language. Either she should have more speech mannerisms like Tigerlily, or Tigerlily should have a similar language to Belle. The only difference might be accents.

The reason I'm writing out this very long comment is that I like the story, but these issues jolt me out of the story. There's a certain amount of suspension of disbelief that I'm willing to give authors, but stuff like this bothers me for some reason.

Some really excellent writing here, and very sexy descriptions of the characters involved. It seems like the world you are writing about is firmly established and as a reader I was able to follow along with ease without a lot of (unnecessary) explanation. Good work here!