Majgen Ch. 018

A good while she stayed there. She would have liked to stay longer, but eventually her body called her back to the present.

'Physical needs,' transmitted Majgen, climbed off her chair and left the room to seek out the human toilet.

"Welcome back," said the yijejo, when she returned a few minutes later.

"Gladly returned," replied Majgen, a standard yijejo reply to the phrase 'welcome back.'

Instead of climbing onto the chair she had sat on previously, she went to stand at the foot of the yijejo's chair. She knew him well now; he was no longer a stranger.

"I'd like to sit with you," she said, and felt,'I like you.'

"You want to sit with me?"'Like a toddler?'

"Yes, if you don't mind."'It comforts me.'

'I don't mind.' "Your request seemed odd."

Majgen climbed up the chair and onto his lap. There she seated herself.

"Do you trust me enough to let me see your heart now?" he asked.

"Yes," Majgen said, and leaned against him. Relaxing, enjoying the warmth of his body, allowing him to see freely. When she sensed him tracking the darkness she stopped following his trek in her mind. She knew him well enough now to allow him to see it, but did not want to see it herself.

Along the way, he did look at the darkness, but he also looked at older and newer. He saw how Majgen had rescued Aejoa, and saw how she now allowed Aejoa to treat her like a pet. But, unlike First Servant Inee, he also saw how she, subconsciously, had lured Aejoa into treating her that way.

'The Winin didn't need much guiding, but a strong confrontation would not have been needed to deter him from it. Milder reproaches would have been sufficient,' concluded the blind yijejo, before his thoughts moved on,'She sits with me like a little child, draining comfort the only way she knows. The way she remembers.'

He closed his reaching limbs around Majgen, holding her in a comforting hug.

'So much pain, longing and fear. Yet, she loves so severely too,' he thought, while retracting from her mind.'She has never received the Gift of Giving before.' He hesitated at the notion of being the first to give.'I don't feel worthy to be the one to do it.'

His thoughts were interrupted by a beeping communicator.

"Excuse me," he said to Majgen, while fumbling to activate his communicator. Once successful he spoke, "Yes?" into the device.

"It's me - Niinon. Are you ok, Juin?"

"Yes, I'm fine," said Juin.

Low Servant Niinon was a friend of one of Juin's relatives. He had jumped in as caretaker for Juin less than half a miui ago, as a last minute temporary emergency solution.

"I didn't mean to leave you alone so long. I'm having trouble with queues here. I can call one of my colleagues and ask if they have time to keep you company." said Niinon's voice. With colleagues he was referring to the Winin's other servants.

"Don't do that, Niinon. I am well as I am."

"You shouldn't be alone for so long, without your eyesight."

"I am not alone, Niinon, the Founder is with me." Juin's words were met with a moment's silence. When Niinon had left Juin, Juin had not known the Winin's pet was the Founder.

"Maijien?" asked Niinon, after regaining his composure.

"Yes, Maijien the Founder."

"You mustn't mention that title to anyone, Juin."

"I won't," promised Juin. "Apart from those who already know -- like you."

"Not to anyone, Juin. Somebody might hear it."

"You sound so worried, Niinon. I don't understand why this upsets you so severely, but I will respect the secrecy."

"Please stay where you are and don't talk to anyone. I am coming back now."

"You don't need to come back now. I won't go anywhere. But I will be talking -- with Maijien."

"Juin..." There was a pause, when Niinon spoke again he was whispering, "Sometimes the Winin comes by the servant quarters looking for Maijien when he gets home. If he comes home early, don't tell him about the Path, and don't reveal that Maijien is the Founder."

"What are you saying, Niinon."'He can't be serious. He can't expect me to keep secrets from the Winin,' thought Juin.'Why would he want me to in the first place?'

"Juin, just do as I say. I will explain it later. I can't talk about it where I am now."

"If the Winin asks me questions, I will not refuse to answer, Niinon."

"Juin," interfered Majgen, "tell Niinon not to worry. I will explain things to you."

"Niinon, Maijien says..." Juin was interrupted by Niinon's voice.

"I heard. Let me talk to her."

After a few moments Juin managed to click his communicator to loud-speaking.

"She can hear you now, Niinon."

"Maijien?"

"I'm here," said Majgen.

"Leave the servant quarters. I will explain things to Juin when I get back." Worry was evident in the Low Servant's voice.

"No, I won't leave. I will explain it to him, though. Don't worry Niinon."

"Maijien, do as I say."

"Don't give me orders, Niinon," said Majgen, reproachfully.

"Maijien, please do as I say."

"No."

"Hang on. I will call Inee on another line." Silence followed that statement.

"Maybe you should hang up on him now, Juin," suggested Majgen. "Otherwise he could work himself to a frenzy yelling at us and urging Inee on at the same time."

"If you say so," said Juin, and shut the communicator off.

"I expect Inee will be running in here in moments," commented Majgen, emotionally adding,'He will be agitated and worried.'

"What is this secrecy all about?"'You will explain now?'

"There has been conflicts between some of those amongst the Eieie and some of those who follow the Path."

"Conflicts?" asked Juin.'I have heard of no such thing.'

"Only small things so far, Juin, but theyare worrying. There has been incidents of Followers openly offending people with posts within the Eieie. Supposedly a few followers of the Path has claimed that the Path of the Heart will make the Eieie obsolete," explained Majgen, "have even gone as far as to claim that the Eieie are a reminiscence of an ignorant time, that their order will soon be dissolved."

"Followers actually said that?"

"So far my friends have managed to track one Follower who had said similar things. They are not sure there are more, but they suspect it." There was sadness in Majgen's voice, and emotions upon speaking those words. "Since then they have worked hard to gather those who follow the Path; to control how it spreads; to keep track of who the followers are, and most of all to spread the word amongst new followers that the Path of the Heart is not an underground youth rebellion of sorts."

"It makes you sad," commented Juin. "The notion of youths degrading the Path to be a political issue saddens me too."

"I am also sad because..." Majgen was interrupted by Inee's dramatic entry.

First Servant Inee had moved down the hallway outside the room at his maximum yijejoan speed, he jumped onto the side of the doorway to the room, stemming against it with his feet, to stop his momentum -- in the direction of the hallways end. From there he instantly jumped into the room, before gravity could pull him down from the impossible horizontal kneel. He landed safely on his feet -- in a crouching position -- a good way into the room, and ran to Majgen and Juin.

Suspiciously, Inee eyed the blind stranger holding Majgen.

"Let go off her, very gently," instructed Inee, and reached his own limbs out, intending to take the human into the safety of his own hold.

"Keep your limbs to yourself, Inee. I am fine where I am," countered Majgen.

Juin moved most of his reaching limbs, partially complying with Inee's wishes, but kept some of his left reaching limbs against Majgen's back and side, complying with her wishes.

Inee lowered his own reaching limbs.

"Aren't you the one who always tells the others not to make footprints on doorways and walls?" Majgen asked Inee.

Automatically Inee glanced back towards the doorway and then lifted one of his feet, bending it to look at the sole. Then he shook himself out of the distraction.

"Maijien, you shouldn't talk to strangers all alone," he chided, emotionally adding,'You are so small/fragile/exposed.'

"I am also an adult, perfectly able to make my own decisions." Majgen's irritation was evident. In this household only the Winin could get away with treating her like a child without rebuttal.

"You need not be so distressed," Juin addressed the still panting yijejo - Inee. "I would never harm her."

"Niinon told me that you knew that..." Inee refrained from finishing the sentence, in case Niinon had been mistaken.

"I know that Maijien is the Founder, yes," confirmed Juin. "She allowed me to see her freely."

"You must keep that knowledge secret," said Inee.

"I was explaining it to him before you interrupted us," said Majgen. "You really do not need to worry so, Inee. The Winin won't be home for hours. Sit with us, Inee. Unless, you want to get back to work?"

They were interrupted yet again, this time by Inee's communicator. Niinon was calling to hear if Inee got hold of Majgen yet. To the best of his abilities Inee calmed himself and Niinon, and convinced the Low-Servant to get back to his shopping duties. During the call, Inee seated himself on the chair Majgen had occupied earlier.

"Niinon is still worried but calmer now," Inee informed while tucking his communicator away.

"You are calmer too," Majgen said with a smile.

"Yes."

"I still do not understand why you are all so worried about this secret. I think it is wonderful that a human is the Founder," said Juin. "As the Path spreads it can bring more understanding between our species."

"The thing is," began Majgen, "the Winin doesn't know I am the Founder of the Path of the Heart. The Winin is not a follower and is not aware his servants are. He has heard of the Path in reports from lower ranking Eieie, and what he has heard has been negative."

"Surely, you don't believe the Winin will harm you if he finds out?" asked Juin, puzzled.

"No, the Winin would never hurt me," Majgen said with confidence. "He loves me. But the Winin answers to the Ojewa."

'Do you think,' "the Ojewa"'would harm you/Maijien?' Juin asked with a mix of words and emotions, in the way of the Followers.

"Yes," replied Majgen.

"No," Inee replied simultaneously.

A few seconds' silence ensued.

"Maijien believes the Ojewa would harm her, would have her locked away or killed," Inee explained. "Maijien comes from a world where politics are different, more cynical."

"I don't believe yijejoan politics are as innocent as my friends think they are," added Majgen.

"We do not believe the Ojewa would harm her," continued Inee, "but Maijien's legal status is fragile. By law she is not meant to be here, not meant to be alive. We fear that if -- even for a moment -- she should be considered an obstructive element, a negative political force, then she might be extradited to the Allied Forces."

"And if that happens then I will die," Majgen added, "or worse - die slowly."

"In reality, Maijien is still a human prisoner of war," explained Inee, "according to the law she must either be killed or extradited to the humans."

"You should tell the Winin this, so he can work on making her legal situation more secure," stated Juin.

"We never realised she would need a more secure legal position. We never realised she could get in trouble for being the Founder of the Path. We honestly never thought the Path could be viewed as an obstruction to civilian peace and order by anyone."

'I told you all it would give me trouble.' Majgen's thought was easily perceived by both yijejos.

"As soon as we have the spreading of the Path under control -- and can show the Eieie the Path is a gift and not a threat -- we will inform the Winin that Maijien is the Founder, and ask him to secure her legal situation," explained Inee.

"I understand," said Juin. "The Ojewa and the Winin, I knew they couldn't be the threats. But now I understand how you could fear them knowing." With the matter of secrecy settled Juin changed the subject, "Maijien, will you let me show you what I saw?"

'In me?' asked Majgen, wordlessly.

'Yes.'

"Yes," she confirmed.'Show me.'

----=(o)=----

"I have some time off duty today," said Imaun, "I would like to spend it with you, Brother."

"That sounds wonderful, Brother," said Ennan, smiling to his brother -- the Winin of Oaaa -- through the audio-visual communication. "When would you like to meet up?"

"Mother told me you are going to a gathering of the Heart today. I want to come with you." Imaun noticed how his brother's smile dissipated at those words.

"We can go someplace else, together. I don't have to go to this gathering," said Ennan. "We can go see a show. I've heard there is a really good dramatisation of the Legend of the Moonlight Dancers running in a northern town." It was painfully evident that Ennan was trying to not sound disappointed to miss the gathering.

"I want to go with you to the gathering," repeated Imaun.

Ennan studied his brother's image on the communicator, trying to read his emotions from his body language. Standing absolutely still, staring back, Imaun didn't offer an easy interpretation.

"Why?" asked Ennan, abandoning his attempts to guess the answer.

"I want to know what such a gathering is."

"At a gathering of the Heart people meet up to mind-share, Brother, and to meet new people to mind-share with," explained Ennan.

"Well, I want to come with you," said Imaun. All their parents and siblings had been to gatherings of the Heart. Only Imaun had never been invited to come, so now he was inviting himself.

"Let's talk about it in person, Brother," requested Ennan.

----=(o)=----

Alone, Majgen walked in the garden. She had a lot to think about, so many things she had not thought about before. She also thought of many things she had thought about before - but now in different ways.

'I am not dirty. My needs and desires are not dirty, even if they came to be through dirty acts.' Majgen stopped walking, closing her eyes she let the breeze be her company.'I don't have to hate my body. No matter what has been done to me through it, it is still mine. I don't have to disrespect myself. No matter what others have felt about me, I am still me.'

She opened her eyes again and took in the green around her.'The park where I spent the last afternoon with my parents, it was green too,' remembered Majgen.'All these years, I've desperately clung on to those memories. Always thinking the time before the massacre was the happy days of my life, that I would never be so happy again.

'It is time to let go, time to grow up. I will always remember you, Mum and Dad. I will never forget your love. But, it is time for me to realise that my life doesn't have to always be a shadow of the life I lost so long ago.' Allowing her eyes to wander to the horizon, Majgen noticed how low the sun was.'Sunset is approaching. Evening is near. Soon, Joone will come.'

Aejoa - the Winin of Naonun - had called her and told his duties had drawn him off planet, that he would not be coming home tonight. Majgen had been relieved. After Juin had shown her what he saw, she needed privacy - time alone to think of what she had learned about herself.

'With Aejoa's love and friendship I learned to not hate the treatment for my Brakwan syndrome. I learned to accept it, as a not completely unpleasant necessity. I learned to accept it from Joone too. But all along, I never stopped thinking of it as 'treatment', never stopped thinking of my sexuality as an ailment. A chronic disease which I would rather be without.'

Majgen turned her eyes to the sky. Having spent so many years without a sky to look upon, she would never take its glory for granted.

'I understand the Path now. It was always within me, but I never really understood before. Tonight I will show Joone. He is ready for it too. His heart will open the last notch and he will be able to see me truly. Once he sees me as me -- not as simply as Maijien the Founder -- I will be able to accept his love freely.

'I think that then I will be ready to ask him to stop treating my Brakwan's syndrome, and instead make love to me.' A feeling of unease distracted Majgen's thoughts of loving Joone physically.'Aejoa would be jealous to learn that I wish for Joone to be the first to make love to me, rather than just treating me.' The distinction Majgen made was not in physical acts; a yijejo and a human could not have sexual intercourse.

'I have to stop thinking of myself as Aejoa's property. He is my friend, not my owner. He is not even my mate.' As an afterthought, Majgen added a human term,'Nor my spouse.'

Majgen closed her eyes and lowered her head.'I can't really blame Aejoa for thinking of me as his property. Not when even I have trouble not thinking of me that way. In a way it was easy to lean back and let go off my responsibility for my own life. I'm so used to that. First I was a child. Then I was a mentarion student. Back then I had no choice to be my own master, no amount of rebelliousness could ever have freed me from that bind.

'Now I have a choice, and I no longer want to be a subservient shadow. No matter that it might be difficult for Aejoa to adjust to letting me be simply a friend.

'It is time for me to grow up.'

Majgen opened her eyes again and resumed walking.'Maybe I should postpone making love a while? Till Aejoa has learned I am not his property? At that time, I will probably be able to make love with Aejoa too.' A knot grew in Majgen's stomach, the sensation made her realise she was lying to herself.'What is it I am not letting myself see here?'

Walking in the garden, she tried to figure it out. When later the sun began to set, Majgen still hadn't figured out what it was she didn't understand.

She enjoyed the amazing view of the sunset, but stepped inside before it got dark. As much as she loved the blue sky, the dark sky intimidated her. Even when there were stars, the black in between them was terrifying.

Joone sought her out as soon as he came on duty. He found her in one of the Winin's leisure rooms, deep in thought on a seat. He walked to her quietly, to not disturb. Majgen felt his presence, of course. Joy bubbled in her from feeling him near, and she raised her head to look into his amber eyes.

'I could spend hours looking into those eyes,' she thought, and realised what she hadn't dared understand.'Aejoa is my friend. I care for him deeply -- I love him. But, I don't love Aejoa the way I love Joone.'

----=(o)=----

'Why does this worry him so much,' wondered Imaun - Winin of Oaaa, observing his brother Ennan, who stared out the window of Imaun's luxurious vehicle.'He has so openly shared it with all the others. Why not me?'

The two brothers sat in silence. Both had mind-shields up, as if they had not reconciled months ago.

Ennan broke the silence when the Winin's driver started landing the vehicle. "I can't promise they will let us in, Brother. This gathering is scheduled to be Followers only."

"I'm sure they will make an exception for the Winin," Imaun commented with confidence. "An underground association for mind-sharing between amateurs. I am sure they will be happy for this chance to be educated by one so high amongst the Eieie."

Ennan's face contorted somewhat as he withheld a displeased sound.'Imaun has no clue what the Path is. It is my fault. I should have shown him. Just never could figure out how.