All Comments on 'Making of a Slut Wife Ch. 05'

I have been a follower of the series and I have enjoyed all of the stories. However, this one seemed to lack some of the excitement of the other stories. This story reads as though you felt you needed to write a story to be the next in the series but you did not take the time to develop it. Nonetheless, I feel, this is something to be expected since readers have their own preferences and in my case, I feel, this story has hit a bit of valley for the series. My feeling this should be easily corrected by taking more time to edit the story and trying to identify what worked in your other stories.

You asked for constructive criticism. You tell a good story, but you are weak in technical matters. For instance, in only the first few paragraphs I note the following.

"did not want to jump back in to fast." The adverb is "too." And again: "was just to tame for her." And again: "but not to dark."

"My first wife had been pretty open about sex before we got married then she tried to use sex as a way to control me and get what she wanted."

Here you have run together two independent clauses, that is, you have strung together two sentences. That is not good in standard writing. You have connected them with the adverb "then." Adverbs do not connect sentences. You have three options. (1) use a coordinating conjunction, that is, insert "and" between married and then; (2) put a semi-colon after married; (3) Make two separate sentences, that is, remove "then" -- this choice, while correct, hurts the logic of the thought.

Watch the spelling: "Her clothing when we would go out was becoming reveling to the point of daring." People revel; clothes reveal.

Watch the subject of the sentence: "The hem of the dress was about 6" above the knee and very low cut on top." The subject, "hem," was very low cut on top! Really?

"She would wear a push up bra which made her tits that were already big, look very much like Dolly Parton" Really? Not logical. You must use the possessive: Parton's.

Count the Paragraphs that begin with the word "I".

Far too many of them.

Dialogue is a good idea, too. It also breaks up the lock-step paragraphs.

Cheers, and I have found it a good series,

Kilroy.

Do you do editing? Your expertise in proper sentence structure would be helpful. Sorry, author no comments on story, not into slut wives.

Well done, loved the series.........and agree with most of the slightly constructive criticism although you are doing pretty well.

Looking forward to a new series......what did you do AFTER you were married!

I enjoyed the series very much. She is such a lovable slut. Watch your spelling, it broke down a little from the other chapters.

Why is being a slut transporting to be proud of.