All Comments on 'Making the Rent Ch. 01'

Imaginative story structure, spoiled - for me - by off-putting porn.

Thanks for the comment, and I'm sorry to hear that--I'll be the first to admit that it's definitely more porn than erotica, that the language and tone can be off-putting, and that it's certainly not for everyone. It is also far from being an actual satire, but just a porn with (slightly) humorous overtones. It's simply what does it for me, and I shared it in hopes others would enjoy it.

I plan to write more stories in this theme: stereotypical porn scenarios with characters breaking the fourth wall. Again, if the subject matter is not for you I understand, but as a first-time writer I'd appreciate any suggestions that would make future submissions more enjoyable.

Well, as I read the story, I was longing for Stacey to find a way out of the bind you had put her in, and somehow to wrest control of the story from the grubby hands of the narrator. Maybe this is what you have in mind.

In Stacey, you have created a very sympathetic character and put her in an impossible situation (and I don't mean her relationship with the odious Frank): true bondage. Could you find a credible literary mechanism by which she could take control, maybe by negotiating a deal with the narrator, and have sex her way: erotically, rather than pornographically? You would have me cheering from the rooftop!

YES! Get me out of here! I'll do ANYTHING to get away from this narrator. All he wants to do is humiliate me, and then he makes me say how much I enjoy it. Gimme my self-respect back!

He never listens to me; I don't think he even hears me! You think the glass ceiling is difficult for us working girls? Ha! Try breaking through the fourth wall! Being a narratee is worse than being a slave. The moment we leave our narrator, we fall silent, and it's as if we never even existed.

The only escape is to trick him into writing us into a threesome, and then I'll switch from him to you in mid-fuck. How about it? Then we could run away together! I'd let you narrate me whenever you wanted to, morning, noon and night. It would get me away from Frank, too. Odious! You've got his number! I can't wait for you to write me!

Falling in love (I think),

Miss Stacey

Hey, Stace,

Hang in there, girl! Here comes the cavalry.

Con

PS. You do know I’m a girl, don’t you?

I mostly jokingly referred to a sequel in the little epilogue, but based on the responses I may actually write one now. I also didn't think of the self-referential plot and fourth-wall-breaking by Stacey as anything more than a humorous twist on a very typical porn setup, but the notion that an evil narrator has stripped a sympathetic heroine of free will is interesting.

Con's idea of her striking a deal with the narrator to have sex on her own terms is also intriguing, and I may just steal that. I will have to warn, however--as much as we sympathize with poor Stacey, I put her in all those nasty pornographic situations because I find that stuff hot. I can't promise that sex in the sequel won't be just as nasty at times, but maybe we can allow her to have a little more fun next time? And will the narrator really be willing to give up control? I guess we'll just have to see. =)

‘Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I’m free at last!’

Yours forever, Stace

Loved this story when I read it a few years ago and should have commented on it then. Very funny, and yes, very much porn. A devious and somewhat forgetful narrator and a sexy, endearing heroine. The author suggested that they had more ideas that were similar? Seems a pity that they have gone elsewhere as I would have loved to read more.