All Comments on 'Malcolm's Fantastic Life'

You get to pick between "Run-on King", because you seem to have a fondness for making a single sentence out of what SHOULD have been two or three (or more) different sentences, or:

"Master Of Typos", because you can't throw a digital STICK without hitting a typo in this rambling, incoherent mess.

Could only give you a 3 because of the many typos and the wrong words in the wrong place. You definitely need an editor to proofread and point out mistakes so your story has more flow and easier to read. It seems that English is not your primary language so it doubly important to have that editor. Now your storyline is good and there is a lot of area to explore with and unlimited potential for a very good series. My suggestion would be to pull this first chapter and correct all the mistakes and resubmit once those problems have been taken care of.

Lastly don't give up but try to polish each chapter that you write as it will make for better reading and not cause the reader to just stop in the middle of the story which will happen because of the numerous mistakes. Writing isn't the easiest thing to do as it does take practice, patients and experience and a suggestion that you make a draft before having it submitted that someone else looks it .

I liked the premise but you desperately need an editor or proofreader.

Pay no attention to the people that don't comment under their IDs..... So there were a couple of mistakes who really cares are we here for schooling or the stories??? How many stories have these Anom people put out?? Zero I am betting

PB

More please is good

Why do people complain so much about typing mistakes on this site? I come hear to escape from reality, by having an erotic fantasy or two, I don't come here expecting the works of Shakespeare, Chaucer or Dickens

Any-who, 'twas a great story and I hope it is the first part of a series, preferably a long series

Thank you for the escape

Oh, and by the way, not all Malcolm's are lucky enough to have a family as loving, I should know I am a Malcolm, lol

Typos and grammar aside, it's good in some areas, and lacking in others.

While you give very detailed descriptions of the characters themselves, we don't see any development of them from the beginning. There's enough back-to-back to get a general idea of what their personalities might he like, but we're left to just make complete guesses as to what the twins might be like, or Hannah, or even Sandy or Malcolm.

It feels like you need to take the whole incident of Malcolm walking in on his dad and the other man, and expand on how that not only affected Sandy and Malcolm at first, but Sandy after a week, two weeks, a month and beyond. And them the same for Malcolm, the twins and Hannah. How did it affects their day-to-day life? What changed about their habits, their routines, their interactions with each other and other people?

We don't necessarily need exact details over everything in the plot, but just enough to lead us as readers to where the characters themselves might be psychologically or intrinsically at any given point in the story, without giving up the entire premise of the story right away.

that was hot

who by force of will refuses negativism in his life, TK U MLJ LV NV

You could go backwards or forwards in your next chapter; I wonder if you have the courage to individualize all the girl's responses. But a great balance between the romance and the lust.

Your story sucks on so many levels. It is excruciating to read about the utter stupidity of the characters.

Its a good read. Entertaining in fact, keep it going.

Sexy family. What an amazing brother.

I hope Mom, Sandy, and the twins all get to share the "MAN OF THE HOUSE"

Your story is good. Good content, Good character development. The only reason I didn't give you five stars was your grammar. Spell and grammar check is good to a certain extent, but just because a word is spelled correctly does not mean it is the proper word to be used in that instance. A good editor would help you greatly. You have good imagination, good instincts and keep to the story line. This could be a good series if you get someone to edit your work. Keep working. I would like to read more of your work.

Check your spelling and grammar and don't be such a tease. It's a decent start but needs to progress.

English as a second language... but also incredibly dumb and stupid.

Ignore all those people. Keep doing you man. Waiting on part 2

Do Not let thee Anon. Weasle's get to you . Since they usually are prickish about every thing and everyone . Just Keep On.

Can't wait to read Chapter 2.

I bet the same anon. weasles show up :-)

What a great start!

Please continue. I can't wait until mom decides to act and show Malcolm who's the ultimate woman in the house.

More please!!

is another chapter or 3. I like it. Thanks for posting it.

J.J.

absolutely loved your writing. it would be great to have more chapters of malcoms life.