Man in the Mirror Ch. 02

"What the hell." I thought as I grabbed my keys. I didn't have anything else to do but wallow around in this apartment. Why not go check it out?

The gym was only about 10 minutes away. When I stepped inside, I instantly became self-conscious. There were people in various stages of working out. Many of them seemed to glisten with perspiration as their beautiful bodies glowed. Everyone that I saw seemed to be "those people". You know who I'm talking about. Those people are the men who lift weights while grunting loudly and standing directly in front of the mirror, or the women who glide effortlessly on the treadmill with their bouncing ponytails and their toned legs.

A quick glance down at my protruding belly let me know that I was in the wrong place.

I was getting ready to walk out when I heard a pleasant voice ask, "Can I help you?" I turned to see a young woman behind the reception desk. She was an exact replica of the other women that I saw, so I grew even more self-conscious having her actually speak to me.

I'll bet she thinks I'm a fat slob.

"Uh, no. I was just looking around. Thanks." I said quickly as I turned to shuffle out of the door.

"If you really wanna look around, you should take a tour. We have plenty to offer." She said hurriedly before I disappeared.

"Umm, I'm okay. I just think I'm in the wrong place."

She nodded knowingly. "I think you'd be surprised." She insisted. Before I could turn her down again, she said, "Just take a quick walk with me and look around. If you still feel that you're in the wrong place, I'll let you go."

I didn't say yes, but I didn't say no either. She must have taken this is a good sign, because she came from around the back of the desk and looked me expectantly.

I didn't have the heart to say no. I know. I'm a big pussy. But it is nearly impossible to say no to a woman who looked like her, especially when she was being so nice.

"Okay. You win." I said in surrender.

"Awesome." She said brightly. "By the way, I'm Naomi. I'm the manager here. And you are..." she asked as she stuck out her hand for me to shake.

"Arthur." I answered as I grabbed it. In my head, I thought, "Of course she's Naomi."

"Hmmm. Like King Arthur." She asked with interest.

I smiled and nodded. "At least that's what my parents had in mind when they named me."

She laughed aloud. It was a pleasant laugh that made me smile even more. "Well, your Highness, wait here for a second. I have to get someone to cover the desk while we're walking around. Then, I'll be right with you."

As she walked away, I couldn't help but to admire her shapely ass. They were squeezed into shorts that covered no more than a pair of granny panties would. She also wore a sports bra inside of a loose tank top.

She returned a few minutes later with another girl in tow. The other girl smiled at me as she went behind the desk, and Naomi cheerily said, "You ready to go, Arthur?"

I followed her on the tour as she basically showed me the same things that I saw on the commercial. Not to say that I wasn't impressed, but it wasn't anything new. I did have the added benefit of it being personalized. She was nice (and hot) so rehashing the same information didn't have a negative effect.

However, the game changer came when we got to a section of the gym that had a wall filled with photos. It looked like a large collage. Closer inspection showed me that these pictures were actually before and after shots of various people.

She stopped and turned to me. "Can I tell you a secret?" I nodded. Then she pointed to one of them and said, "This was me when I first joined the gym."

I couldn't stop my jaw from dropping. The picture was of Naomi standing with another man and a young boy. It was a family picture, so I deduced that the other two were her husband and her son. The thing that astounded me was that the Naomi in that picture was at least 200 lbs.

I looked at the after shot that was right next to it. It was astounding! She almost looked like a completely different person.

"When I got pregnant with Henry (she pointed to the small boy in the before picture), I gained a lot of weight. It didn't go away after I had him. Then, one Christmas, my husband bought me a treadmill." She said the word "treadmill" like it was the worst thing someone could buy. "He was trying to be sweet, but all I saw was a fat woman who had to lose weight. I took stock of myself and realized that who I was wasn't who I wanted to be. That's when I decided to do something about it. So, I came to this gym with my brother in law. He was the trainer here at the time. With his help, I lost over 75 lbs."

"Wow." That was all I could say.

"So, you see Arthur, you shouldn't feel out of place here. We all have different body shapes, just like we all have different reasons for wanting to be healthy. Many of the people you see here started where you are now. You're here because you belong here. Who knows? Maybe your picture will be up here someday."

****

So, I signed up for a membership. What can I say? She was a good sales[woman]. I got a pamphlet with all of the different classes and programs that the gym had and a T-shirt.

I signed up for the starter program. It was held twice a week for two weeks. One of the trainers showed me how to use the equipment, and told me which exercises work what muscles. He also gave tips on maximizing the efficiency of your workout.

After that, I signed up for one on one time with a guy named Manny (another trainer) every Wednesday at 8:00. He asked what I wanted to gain by coming to the gym, and gave me a routine that would accomplish that.

I also started to attend the classes that were held there. Some of them I went to religiously, others were just to see if I liked it. The biking class held on Thursday was my favorite. The yoga class was something that sounded good at the time (women in yoga pants doing stretches), but the reality wasn't as much fun as I anticipated.

An unexpected benefit came from these classes. I met people like me. It seems that we were all on the same journey and had a lot in common.

While the gym kept me sane, things with my estranged wife became seemingly worse. I came to my former home one evening to visit the kids. I still had a key, so it wasn't anything for me to just walk in. When I got there, I found Paige's niece watching the kids.

When I asked where Paige was, she became nervous. After putting two and two together, I deduced that she was out with a guy (probably Derrick, the sex god).

Needless to say, I wasn't that enthused about sticking around. I didn't come there to see her, but to find out that she was out with a man was blow. However, I stayed because I wanted my kids to see that I was still going to be in their life. So, I paid Penny (niece) and sent her home.

Paige came in at around 11 that evening. She almost shit herself when she saw me sitting on the couch.

"Arty? What are you doing here?"

She looked beautiful. Her short, black cocktail dress accentuated her body. It was slim around her waist, which only highlighted how ample her bust was. It also showed off her sexy calves.

It was once my favorite.

In contrast to how she was dressed, her hair wasn't neatly done and her make-up was gone. What did this tell me? It told me that she probably spent her night doing other things besides dancing.

I swallowed the bile and calmly said, "I just came over to see the kids. I figured that since I was here, there was no reason for Penny to stay. So, I paid her. If I knew how late you'd be, I wouldn't have sent her home."

She looked at me as if trying to gauge my mood. I wasn't giving off any emotion. My vibe wasn't angry, sarcastic, or sad. It was...empty.

If I'm honest, I was drained. I was tired of hurting; tired of feeling shitty and rejected.

"I didn't know you were here watching them. I'm sorry." She said, unable to meet my eyes. I think she knew that I could tell what she was doing when she was out. However, I wasn't sure if she felt guilty or just bad for me.

It honestly didn't matter though, did it?

I shook my head and got up from the couch. "No worries. Shit happens." I said with an unemotional shrug. Then I walked past her to get out. As I did, I could feel her eyes on me. It felt like she wanted to say something. I don't know what on earth could be said, and honestly, I didn't really want to hear it.

As I grabbed my coat, she finally said, "Hey, Arty?" I stopped walking, giving her a chance to speak. "I...uh..." she stammered. Whatever was going to come out never made it to her mouth. Instead, she simply said, "Thanks for paying Penny."

"No problem. G'night Paige."

I walked out and closed the door behind me.

***************************

A few months later

The bike machine whirred insistently as I pedaled furiously. My legs were burning and my back was hurting, but I wouldn't let them stop. I wasn't going to give them permission to rest until the digital clock counted down to zero.

When I was done, I stepped off the bike with a smile. The display showed that I burned 432 calories. I headed to the locker room with a boost of confidence. I'd been coming to the gym pretty regularly, and I was starting to feel the difference. After a quick shower, I debated stepping on the scale. Curiosity won out in the end, so I did. What I saw made my heart drop.

I'd only lost 10 pounds.

I should have been happier than I was. I should have celebrated. But I wasn't happy. I was disappointed. After three months, I thought that I should have at least lost 20.

I dejectedly dressed and stormed out. Once again, life seemed unfair. For me, nothing was easy. Lance skated through life, Paige was going on dates and enjoying her singlehood, and all I got for three months of hard sweat was 10 pounds.

I almost ran into Naomi. She was carrying an arm full of towels.

"Oh! I'm sorry Arthur. I didn't see you." she said as she expertly dodged me. I was impressed that she remembered me, but only slightly. My mind was on other things.

"No problem." I said with unintentional briskness. I continued to stalk out of the gym until I heard her calling me. I turned to find her jogging up to where I was.

"is everything okay?" she asked with a hint of concern on her face.

"Yeah. I'm good. Just...I don't know."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No. Not really. Not much to talk about. I guess I'm just a little disappointed in myself."

"Why?"

I didn't mean to spill everything about my life. I really didn't. What started out with me telling her about the 10 pounds turned into a half hour-long discussion about Paige, me, my kids, and even Lance. To her credit, she listened. She even had the good graces not to look bored.

"Wow. That's heavy." She said when I finally gave her a moment to chime in. Then, after a second or two, she asked, "What is it that you want, Arthur?" It was a fairly simple question; one that should have had a simple answer. But there wasn't one. Truth is, I hadn't really stopped to think about what I wanted.

She saw my indecision and asked, "Do you want to win your wife back? Do you want to make her jealous and regret losing you? Are you trying to catch up to your brother? What is it that you want? Why are you here?"

I thought about that for a moment. As ridiculous as it sounds, I kind of wanted all those things. Yet, at the same time, I didn't really want any of them.

"I just want to feel good about myself." I said truthfully.

"Well, you won't find that here." She said with a indiscernible expression on her face. I was a little surprised to hear her say that. She continued her. "People think that coming to the gym and losing a bunch of weight will make them happier, or better people. But it doesn't. Trust me. You can work out all day long. You can lose 100 pounds. But feeling good about yourself comes from the inside. If it comes from how you look, then it's shallow. That's not real self-esteem. You have to know what you're worth, no matter how you look."

I snorted. "Easy for you to say. You look like that." I said as I waved my hand over her body. "Besides, your husband didn't reject you when you got fat."

"No, he didn't. He accepted me for who I was, even when I was at my worst. You know what did happen, though? I almost threw it all away because I didn't believe I was worth it. I thought my looks were the best thing I had going. When I lost that, I lost a part of myself." For the first time, she didn't have that radiant smile on her face. She looked haunted. "Once I started to lose weight, I became more confident. When I noticed what effect I had on the men around me, I felt powerful. What I didn't realize was that was all a facade. The ugliness that I'd buried within myself was still there. I hadn't got rid of it; I just covered it up with shallow acts of superiority to prove to myself that I was special. Deep down, I knew the truth. I didn't deserve my husband. I didn't deserve the love that he gave me."

Her story felt so real to me. I felt like I was going through it with her. As she spoke, the emotions of that time came through in her words. She had me captivated.

"After a while, those feelings began to manifest themselves again." She continued. "In order to squash them back down, I had to do more 'things' to feel special. Let's just say that in the end, I almost lost my family because I was more focused on outside affirmation than I was on figuring out why I felt unworthy of my husband."

"So, what am I supposed to do? Huh? I don't know anymore. All I know is that I'm lonely. I'm working late and hanging out at a gym because I don't wanna go home. At the end of the day, it all boils down to one fact: my wife doesn't want me. How do you feel good about yourself when the one person that you love doesn't give a fuck about you?"

She looked at me thoughtfully. Then she said, "Wait here, Arthur. I'll be right back." She lightly jogged off towards a staff only area. She came back with a card.

"Tomorrow, I want you to call this guy. His name is Jerry. He's my brother in law; the one that I told you about. He trained me when he was a trainer here. Now, he's a personal trainer/life coach. He doesn't come cheap but luckily for you, he has a soft spot for me. We are family, after all. I'll talk to him tonight to see if there's anything he can do for you. You and he can discuss the rest when you call."

I took the card and looked at it. "Wow. Thanks. I don't know what to say." I said with genuine appreciation.

She shrugged her shoulders like it was nothing. "Don't worry about it. I know what it's like to just need someone to give a crap about you. We've all been there. Just do me one small favor."

"What's that?"

"If I convince Jerry to take you on as a client, give him your all. Don't go into it half assed. I'm calling in a favor that he owes me, so please make it worth it."

I was touched that she would do all of that for a guy that she barely knew. "Why are you doing this for me?" I asked with slight skepticism.

She cocked her head to the side, as if looking at me from another angle. "Because, despite what your wife thinks, I do think you're worth the trouble. I see you in here working out. I see you interacting with the other people. You're a hard worker, but you're also kind, courteous, and a real gentleman. You open doors for ladies when they're behind you, and you don't look at their asses when they pass by. I've met my fair share of creeps - trust me. I've met enough to know a good guy when I see one."

Her words really touched me. I was a man who was having a tough time dealing with the rejection of my wife. To hear another that another woman noticed me enough to list my good attributes was therapeutic.

Without realizing it, I hugged her. She was surprised at first and let out a "Oh!" when I grabbed her, but then she returned it with a friendly pat on the back. When I let go, she said, "You're gonna be okay. For what it's worth, your wife lost out big." She patted my cheek and smiled. "Good luck, King Arthur."

Then she walked off.

**************

I met Jerry a week later. He was different than I imagined. Physically, he was what I had in mind. He looked a lot like Lance; kind of. He was more toned and defined, whereas Lance was bigger. I was immediately envious and intimidated by him.

But his personality was nothing like I expected. Half of me expected him to be comforting and nurturing like Naomi. The other half was looking for him to be a like...well, Lance. Cocky, self-absorbed, and laid back.

After all, he was just a fitness trainer. He didn't have a real job.

Well, you know what they say about assumptions.

He was so professional that he was almost cold. He didn't really talk much. When we spoke on the phone, he told me that he spoke to Naomi about taking me on as a client. He wanted to know more about me before he did that. He told me that we needed to set up a face to face.

He wanted to meet me at my apartment. That was a bit strange to me. I would have thought he would prefer a neutral place, or maybe even an office. But he apparently had other ideas.

When he came into my place and introduced himself, he made himself at home. I mean, he literally walked around like he had full rights to invade my privacy. He went into my kitchen and looked in my cabinets and fridge, went into bathroom and opened my medicine cabinet, he even walked into my bedroom and peeked under the bed.

Then he asked me a bunch of invasive questions. He wanted to know what kind of foods I ate, what I liked to watch on tv, my work schedule; he even wanted to know the last time I had sex. When all of that was over, he sat me down.

"Okay Arthur, I've decided to take you on as a client. I have to admit that the only reason I'm doing it is because my sister-in-law pleaded a pretty good case for you. That, and I owe her a favor. She often lets me use her gym for free to entertain clients. The least I can do for her is take on a client or two pro bono."

"Wow. That would be great. Thank you."

He laughed and shook his head. "Don't thank me yet, King Arthur." He said in a sarcastic tone, indicating that he knew of Naomi's nickname for me. No doubt he disagreed with my deserving it. "If we get through the first couple of weeks without you quitting on me, I'll be surprised."

"Uhhh, that doesn't sound very encouraging." I said. This got another laugh.

"I wasn't trying to encourage you, Your Highness. I was warning you. You see, I find that people who pay for something do so because they really want it. If they get it for free, it loses value. They feel entitled to it. My clients pay a lot for my services because they genuinely want to change. You? Well, you're getting the Naomi discount. I don't know how motivated you are, but we'll find out soon enough. I own you now. Your body belongs to me. You'll do what I say, when I say it; no questions asked. The first time you talk back, disobey, or refuse me, we're done. Got it?"

"Yeah, got it." I said. I was a little miffed by his smug, contentious attitude. If he noticed it, he let it slide.

"Good. Now, do you have any vacation time coming up?"

"Yeah."

"Can you take a week off?"

I nodded. He pulled out his phone and did a couple of things on it. "Do that. Take a week off from work and let me know the dates. Then, I want you eat anything and everything that you think you'll miss. Do it before that week. Enjoy yourself. Once we get started, things will change big time.

With that cryptic message, he left.

"Asshole." I thought as I closed the door behind him.

***

I wished that I heeded Jerry's warning more carefully. To say that he was strict would be an understatement.