Man in the Mirror Ch. 02

"Almost." He said in a small voice, looking away. When his eyes caught mine and he saw the look on my face, he said, "I think I'll turn this off and finish it."

"Good choice."

He pouted and whispered something under his breath as he begrudgingly did as he was told. I pretended that I didn't hear him fussing me out in a murmured voice. I felt that I should leave before I witnessed him doing or saying something that I would have to punish him for (sometimes, you have to save your kids from you), so I went to go find Allie.

She was in the Livingroom going through a photo album. I recognized the pure white cover with "Mr. and Mrs. McCormick" written in beautiful, black calligraphy. It was me and Paige's wedding album.

There was no need to question her about homework (she always did hers), so I just sat next to her on the couch and put my arm around her.

"Hey pumpkin. Whatcha looking at?" I asked.

"Just you and mommy's wedding pictures." She flipped through a few pages, then stopped at one. "You look just the same as you did here." She said as she pointed to a picture of me and Lance standing side by side in our tuxedo's (naturally, he was my best man).

I smiled when I gazed at the man on his wedding day. His smile was from ear to ear. He had the face of an optimistic youth. There were no problems in his way; only opportunities. This man truly believed that love would conquer all.

How naïve was he?

"Really? I was really young then." I commented to her.

"Yep. You do. Especially since you lost all that weight. You look really handsome now."

"So, I wasn't handsome before?" I asked jokingly. I couldn't help but laugh as she struggled to find a way to get her foot out of her mouth. After a few amusing seconds, I let her off the hook. "Just messing with you sweetie. Thank you for the compliment."

She smiled and leaned into my chest. Then, a thoughtful expression clouded her face before she asked, "Are you and mommy ever gonna get back together?"

I sighed. This was one of those times when you are tempted to lie to a child just so you can avoid an uncomfortable conversation. I hated putting them through this. They didn't deserve any of this.

"No sweetie; I don't think so." I said truthfully, remembering the papers that were probably still sitting on Paige's bed.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because sometimes, adults realize that they can't stay married. It doesn't stop us from loving our kids though."

"So, you and mommy don't love each other anymore?" she said, catching what I was trying to gloss over. I should've known that she wouldn't fall for the deflection. She was a sharp one.

"We care a lot for each other. We want what's best for the other person. But we don't love each other like husband and wife. That's why we have to split up. But we'll always be the best of friends."

Allie pursed her lips sadly and looked away. I kissed her on the forehead reassuringly, but it felt as insignificant in the face of her questions as a fly is to a Rhino. I knew that my answers were unsatisfactory, but they were the best ones I could give. How do you explain divorce to a nine-year-old? To them, everything is supposed to be simple. If you love each other, you stay married. Period. They don't understand all the complexities that life has.

Then again, why isn't life and love that simple? I thought it was at one time. Then hurricane Derrick hit the shore and changed everything.

I felt a presence in the room, and turned just in time to see Paige walking away. As Allie and I continued perusing through the album, I wondered how much of our conversation was overheard.

***

A few nights later, I decided to attend the weekly biking class. I hadn't been in a while (since I started working out with Jerry), so I saw a few unfamiliar faces. My eyes fell on one that I knew from when I went to class faithfully, so I took the bike next to her.

"Hey Colleen." I said cheerily. She turned to face me. When she recognized who I was, a beautiful smile spread across her face.

"Arthur? Long time no see. I almost didn't recognize you since you went and got all skinny. You too good to work out with us? Where've you been?" She said as her eyes scoured me with appreciation.

I blushed bashfully. "I've been working out here. I didn't go anywhere. How have we not bumped into each other?"

"Like I said, you're too good to work out with us fatties." She said as she nudged me playfully.

"Um, you are definitely not fat. Trust me." I said as I looked her over from head to toe. When I met her eyes and realized that I was checking her out so blatantly, I became shy again. I didn't know whether to apologize or just pretend it didn't happen. Luckily, the trainer saved me from further embarrassment by starting class.

After class was over, Colleen walked past me, brushing my shoulder as she did so. "Don't be a stranger." She said as she sashayed from the room.

Could she be flirting with me?

I thought so, but I wasn't sure. I'd been married for the past decade. I didn't know how to flirt, or how to recognize the signs of a woman flirting with me.

Over the next few weeks, I attended that class just to have interaction with her. Each time things went the same. I was becoming convinced that she was interested in me, and I toyed with the idea of asking her out. Unfortunately, I was having trouble gathering the courage to take the next step. Every time I saw her, I thought to myself this is the time I go for it. But when that moment came, I punked out.

Jerry caught me checking her out a few times. He never asked about it or gave any indication that he knew what was going on. But he did.

One day, Colleen just walked up to me out of the blue. She looked a little confused as she said, "Ummm, your friend over there told me that you had something to ask me." She used her thumb to point behind her. I followed the direction of her finger until is saw Jerry standing off in the distance. He winked and smiled at me.

Fucking Jerry!

"Uhh, yeah..." I stammered. She looked at me expectedly, waiting me out. I finally decided to just go for it, so I said, "I was wondering about us doing something...together...sometime."

Her face looked contemplative at first, so I expected her to say no and add some lame excuse to ease the rejection. To my surprise, she smiled brightly at me as she asked, "Are you asking me out?"

Her enthusiastic response gave me courage, so I confidently said, "Yeah I am. Would you like to go out with me?"

She reached into her sports bra and pulled out a piece of paper with her number. "Call me tonight."

She saw the confusion on my face and laughed. "Your friend already told me that you were interested. He and I made a bet. He bet that you were too much of a...uhh...chicken shit to ask me out."

"Really?" I asked as I glared over her shoulder at Jerry.

She laughed. "Yep. But I had faith in you. Thanks for not letting me down. Now, I'm ten bucks richer, and it's all thanks to you."

"Glad I could help. Anytime I can turn him into a loser, let me know."

We both laughed at that. Then she said, "Well, I have to get going. You can call me any time after 8."

"Will do."

She gave me a last smile as she walked off. As she did, Jerry strolled over with a knowing look on his face. "Hmm. What'd she want?" he asked, playing dumb.

"You'll never believe it. She came all the way over here to tell me how much of an intrusive asshole you are."

He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "Been called worse." He said as he dodged the towel that I threw at him.

***

Later that night, I realized I had another problem. I hadn't been out on a first date in over a decade! I had no idea where to take Colleen, or what to expect. Were the rules still the same as they were when I was courting Paige? My mind raced with questions and expectations.

Do we go to the movies, or out to eat? Maybe bungee jumping? Hell, I don't know!

I asked around. Surprisingly, the person with the best advice was Lance.

"I always take a girl somewhere that isn't obvious. Dinners and movies are boring first dates that will get you friend zoned quickly. You wanna stand out. I find that the best way to do that is to do something that allows you to teach her something. I often take my dates to the gun range or the batting cage . Gets 'em wet every time."

I thought about it, but I couldn't find anything that I could teach her. When I told him this, he thought for a moment and said, "Well, do something that both of you are good at. Didn't you say you met her in a biking class? Take her for a bike ride."

"Bike ride? Where?"

"Isn't there a bike trail in those mountains that everyone goes to?"

When I asked Colleen if she would like to do that, she was excited about it. So that Saturday afternoon we packed our bikes in my SUV and headed for the trail.

What seemed like a good idea quickly backfired. While it was a pleasant day, bike riding on the first date turned out to be a sweaty way to get to know each other. On top of that, there was no room for small talk. When we did take a break, it was still difficult to a meaningful conversation started. We were busy trying to catch our breaths and rehydrate.

I was afraid that this date was a bust. Paige's taunt about me being boring came back to haunt me as I struggled to find something interesting to talk about. But I had nothing.

Then something strange happened. Just when I was about to consider this a failed date, a kid came running up to us. His was panicked and yelling something incoherent. I was trying to calm him down so that he could speak more clearly, but he was in such a tizzy that his words were coming out in jumbled sounds.

His antics started to draw a crowd as two other bikers stopped to see what was going on. They were having just as hard a time understanding him as I did. Finally, the boy just gave up with a frustrated groan and waved us in his direction, telling us to follow him.

When we got to the area he was trying to lead us, he pointed at the ground. I saw a man lying on his stomach, desperately clutching an arm that belonged to a person that was dangling over the edge of a very steep cliff.

"They're over there! Please, help them!" he cried desperately.

My brain immediately went into action. "Fuck! Dude..." I said tapping the guy next to me. "I'll grab him. You two, grab the kid!"

Colleen stood back as the three of us pulled them to safety. The most heartwarming sight you ever want to see is a son gratefully hugging a father who saved his life. The father was too tired to even hug his son back. He just laid there, whispering something in his son's ear. The next thing we knew, he was unconscious.

Colleen had already called 911. When the cops arrived with an ambulance behind them, the three of us were trying to revive him. We were unsuccessful and growing worried. The EMT's took over and we got out of their way as they worked.

The police officers asked us a series of questions before thanking us for our quick thinking. Before we left, I looked on the ground and found a cell phone. I figured that it must have fallen out of man's pocket. The EMT's were too busy with the man and his son, so I went through it. Once I found a promising contact that said "Kara - wife" I made a quick call to let her know what was going on and where the guy was being taken. Then, I gave the phone to one of police officers before they took off.

I thought the date was ruined, but Colleen was excited. She seemed to have renewed life in her.

"Oh my God! You saved that guy and his kid! You saved their lives!" she gushed with awe.

"Well, it was really all three of us." I said humbly. She shook that off.

"You didn't even think about it! You just ordered those other two guys to get the kid, and you dropped down the pull the guy to safety! You're a fucking hero! That was the bravest thing I ever saw!"

At the end of the date, I got a smoldering kiss goodbye and a pretty good feeling about a second date.

***

There was indeed a second date. We did a more traditional one this time. It gave us a chance to talk more and get to know each other. I told her about my kids, and she told me about hers. She had two boys, one of which was in high school. We reluctantly ended that date much like the first, with us making out on her front porch.

It was on the third date a week later that I was faced with my biggest insecurity, courtesy of my ex-wife. It started out just as wonderful as the previous one. In fact, it went a little too well. It was valentine's day, and Colleen and I decided to go see a movie. The movie we chose was "Fifty Shade of Grey".

That movie really got her going. The sex scenes were intense. I felt her reaching for my hand during it, and taking extra opportunities to rub her skin against mine. The chemistry between us was palpable. I could feel it shifting into something more than casual.

When I dropped her off at her place, she told me in a not so subtle way that her kids were with their father for the weekend, and she wanted to invite me up for a night cap. Her eyes and her body language told me what was on her mind.

Sounds like a victory, right? It should have been. But the entire time, I was hearing Paige's taunts.

You are an overweight man whose idea of love making is two pumps and an apology.

I definitely wasn't going to tell you that your sad attempt at seduction is a pitiful 5 minutes of lazy oral sex - missing the clit entirely - before forcing your semi-hard cock into my dry vagina.

A girl needs something to work with. If you really saw me and Derrick this afternoon, then you would've seen what kind of woman I am when I have a man who actually knows what he's doing.

They played over and over in my head. I tried to force them down, but I couldn't. When Colleen was writhing her body lustfully against me, I felt suffocated. When she took off her shirt and exposed her lacy bra that were covering her ample tits, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of self-pity. When her hand snaked its way inside of my pants, I felt...flaccid.

My penis was entirely limp. No erection. No life. Just impotent failure.

Her solution was to try harder. So she unzipped my pants, pulled them down, and encased her warm mouth around it. She hungrily slurped away, working hard to coax life into it. I tried to will my dick to work right. I focused on the wet lips, and the heat that came with them. But no matter what, I kept seeing that guy in the mirror. Not the one I was now, but the one with the protruding belly and useless bedroom skills.

The sight of her head bobbing on my lap should have had me hard enough punch a hole through steel. But it didn't. No matter what Colleen did, or how good it felt, my penis remained uncooperative.

She stopped mid-suck and looked down. Then she tilted her head up and met my eyes with confusion on her face. "Is everything okay?" she asked in a small voice.

That was it for me. I was done. With tears barely being held back, I lightly pushed her off and pulled my pants up.

"I'm sorry, Colleen. I have to go."

With that I grabbed my keys and rushed out of her apartment, leaving her feeling sexually frustrated and bewildered.

THE END OF CHAPTER TWO

Cameos

Naomi: "To Have and to Cuckold"

Jerry: "To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 3, briefly mentioned throughout the series"

The mountain rescue scene: from "Struggling to Survive Pt. 5"