All Comments on 'Marilyn Brought Me a Surprise'

I like cheating wives stories, but this one is flat with no real confrontation.

This story was just okay. One big problem is that Tina behaved in a despicable manner to her husband and came out smelling like a rose. She wasn't punished at all. In fact, she was rewarded. She'd said already that she wanted out of her marriage, and that's what she got. So she got a worse settlement than she otherwise would have if he hadn't found out about her cheating before she told him she wanted a divorce, but that's no big deal. With her prostitution business, she'll have plenty of money in any case. At one point, the story says she was "broken." How?! You could have fooled me. Sure, maybe she feels a bit sad about the end of her marriage, but she'd already decided to end it, so she got over it soon enough, I'm sure.

Often times in life divorces happen and there's no crushing revenge, but this is no ordinary case. She didn't just cheat on him, she was a frigging prostitute! Prostitution usually doesn't work out well in the end (drugs, pimps, scandal, etc) but in this story there's absolutely no follow up about her two years later, even though all the other characters are followed up. (It's as if the story wants to ignore how great things are for her, based on how her situation had been set up for her until then.) There's only some cryptic comment about him sending her a picture and planning to send it again later. What the hell is that supposed to mean?!

Then the husband gets involved with a barmaid who's sexually involved with her own mother? Yeah, that'll work out well in the long term! Also, he seems very emotionally flat. He finds out his wife is whoring around AND fucking all her friends, and he basically just makes a settlement, walks away, and immediately starts having sexual fun with someone else. Yeah, he was torn up at first, but he seemed to have gotten over it in a matter of days. I can't imagine anyone being that little affected.

I find this story weird and disappointing. In so far as there's any moral, it seems to be: if you're a housewife, stop being a chump and become a prostitute. You'll have more fun, lots of sex friends, and lots of money.

best part was the last 2 paragraphs. Good ending

good writer are hard too come by.

especially,"Attacks on my morality, belief systems or sexual orientation won't work. I've had many years of that from a professionally hostile ex-wife." Thanks for the smile :)

He's a PI and he didn't find out till she had banked over a quarter mill.

I guess the story shows that the husband is the last to know.

Usually one of these stories where everyone is doing everything to almost everybody comes off as over the top. I know I received criticism in that vein with the first story I published here. Somehow you have managed to avoid that flaw even though Tina and Brian did explore several "variations" on a theme of prostitution. It's not easy to tell the story you've given us without it sounding like a cheap pulp paperback; good job.

For the most part, the story results from and revolves around your hero installing a monitor and GPS unit in the wife's car, yet there doesn't appear to be any particular reason for him to do so, other than him being curious as to whether it works or not.

Pretty fucking weak for a key point, isn't it??

Harry

Overall, I agree with most of the previous commenters: The plot seemed weak in places; everything was a bit over the top; and the daughter/wife combo was real weird for a guy about to divorce (essentially) a bi-sexual wife who was cheating on him with everybody and their brother. Add to that that the wife's motivations aren't even remotely explored. On the one hand, she tells Nurse Kathy she's divorcing him at the end of the month, but she's destroyed a mere hours later when he leaves her first?

Still, I liked the story. You're correct: It's a story, and over the top is entertaining. No, not believable. Then again, neither is The Hobbit. That doesn't mean I don't like it.

What I really liked here, though, was the tone in which you wrote. Frankly, after the first few paragraphs, I wish you'd explored the tone more. I read--initially, at least--like a Mike Hammer/Sam Spade story. Real film noir. Hopefully you'll try, and even expand upon, doing that in future installments.

A breath of fresh air.........

The story lacks explanations or - better - a version from "her side". It is not comprehensible, why she fucks every living soul and obviously every day of the week. That does not look like normal behaviour...

The character of the "hero" seems a bit flat. Why doesn't he feel any hurt or regret after his discovery? Why does he think a barely-known barmaid will be a better match than his whore-wife (after a long-time marriage and two children)?

In the first part he says ....

" Our own kids were grown and gone, living lives far from us. Ben graduated from Penn state and got a good job in Pittsburg. He and his wife Jackie had a two-year-old boy named James. Our daughter, Melissa, graduated from Brown and got a job in Washington state, doing something with managing the forests. She wasn't married or dating anyone seriously, according to Tina. She lived in a four-bedroom house with three other women. Somehow Tina seemed to believe I'd be upset if I knew the four of them had no interest in men. She didn't know Melissa had told me."

And later he says....

" My wife of sixteen years isn't who I thought she was. She is a hooker and a bisexual hooker at that. She's being served divorce papers on Monday. She doesn't know it's coming."

Do you think those dates match ? Kids grown and gone with a sixteen years marriage ?

never ever read anything with no emotion like this. there was not even the slightest temparature rise when they fucked under hot water. it's like reading a log book of captain... of uss...whatever ship

I rather be dead than living like that. I guess our main hero lost a lot more feelings than just somewhere between his foot and hip. I have more emotions eating an apple.

Perhaps Marilyn, (Mrs. T.) knew that the woman that her husband was fucking around with was Tina, Mark's wife and she wanted him to be the P.I. for her case against her husband. That Mark would have more reason than just money to nail her husband's ass to the wall.

A nicely paced and smooth flowing story that was well edited and interesting to read.

The story did seem to be a bit rushed at the end, but that may have been the fact that I wasn't ready for the story to be finished yet.

Thanks for the entertainment and good read.

S44,

Great writing. Cold, yes. Facts aren't fancy, but the two step.... I get an emotional high.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

and ... wonder if the curb people know what a Long Neck is? Long live LN's & Lone Star .

Yep.

x

Your stuff is always well written, tightly wound, with solid imagery. Yet, I can only read it occasionally...it's the subject matter, you see. I don't do well with it.

I hope that the ex who apparently drives your Muse got what she deserved. But, I'm not sure that all of them fit that pattern...I sure as hell hope there aren't as many as your stories would lead one to assume.

Just wanted you to know that I think your stuff is excellent, but at the same time, why you don't see quite as many 5's as perhaps you should.

Jack Webb: "Just the facts, ma'm. Just the facts."

But cold, hard facts.

I liked that it was the P.I.'s wife who was the woman who the client's husband was cheating with. The fallout for Tina would have been huge if she didn't sing the divorce.

For some reason I couldn't get into the story. Maybe it was the dry tone used, or the transitions between places, people talking, or time passing being almost nonexistent, I had a really hard time figuring out who was talking, and what scene it was.

Paradoxically enough, compared to the tone used, it felt like it was stream-of-consciousness. One long string of events, one after another, without pause.

I dunno, I just couldn't get into it.

The only thing I would change is the fourth sentence of the second paragraph to, "I was listening to the staccato rhythm of rain on my desktop and reading my name on the glass of my office door: "Anok Kram..."

Unless that's been done before.

;^)

Keep 'em coming our way Scorpio.

You rock!

(My apologies to Firesign Theatre for the Nick Danger, Third Eye crib.)

I was entertained despite the chronological slip .. This begs for a chapter two from the errant wife's POV, why, how etc. There could be some followip lawsuits for alienation of affection, pressure the ex to testify or be exposed to police for prostitution and tax evasion. Thanks for writing.

I have to agree that the lack of exploration of the emotional relationship between Mark and Tina was odd (not only do we never get an understanding of why she does what she does, but there's nearly no emotional response at all from Mark to the multi-faceted betrayal his wife has been laying on him).

Nonetheless, as a story I loved it. I just found it interesting and engaging--it drew me in and I wanted to see where it would go next.

Realistic? No. But that's not usually a top priority on this site. Well-written and successful at holding a reader's attention? Absolutely!

Thanks, ohio

well constructed and thought out, plot and pacing were good - a tad more character development wouldn't hurt but still a home run: 5 stars

One especially prompts this response: You asked how he could prefer a barely known barmaind to his long-term whole/wife.

As he says to Donna, “I grew up a hundred yards from a place just like this.” Get the feeling he’s comfortable there? He gives you other hints. There’s something he likes/is comfortable with, in a woman who’s body tells him she’s used to working for what she has. AND, she’s not a barmaid. It’s her bar. His first encounter tells him she’s a woman of substance who also likes him, sex and isn’t afraid to ask for what she wants. A no nonsense woman. I am considering an emotional revision of the story.

An entertaining read. Rehnquist said it well - the tone of the narrative is cool. Also, over last few days there have been no LW stories except cuck stories which I won't even open. Good to have a character who won't put up with it.

The timeline did have a glitch as another reader explained -- children grown, finished with college, and with kids of their own won't jive with a 16 year marriage, unless they were his kids from a prior marriage, or hers, or whatever.

I thought it was original having the P.I. snooping on a case of the businessman cheating on his wife, and discovering his own wife Tina was one of the women with whom the businessman was committing flagrante delicto. The two step where they exchanged partners and neither knew of the other's conspiracy was also good.

One other little glitch: When Tina puts the moolah into his new bank account, he'd better hope he does not experience a tax audit. I think she would not withstand one either. Let's face it, Tina almost certainly did not declare her profits from hooking nor pay income tax on that ill-gotten gain. An audit would turn up a lot that neither party would be able to withstand. Thanks for writing.

Pages and pages of setup an then it's just done?

That was a very poorly done confrontation and resolution, you need to rework it. Tina needs to pay deeply for the massive betrayal she did.

At a minimum he should mail the evidence about all her johns to the wives. He just passively gets her money and walks? Lame lame lame.

the best -- and perhaps only unassailable aspect of your story is the crisp, noir tone of the first page or so. And, like Rehnquist, I was sorry you lost it somewhere in the middle, finally to deliver a pretty standard LW tale. But I thought the parts where it was in evidence were brilliant. More of that, if you can, please.

This author is an idiot... and his inability to keep his own time line of his own story straight proves this.

This is vile nasty unreadable repulsive irrational shit.

This is so fucking wretched it is like the author cannot follow basic ideas and plots.

Like here is one: if the AUTHOR has the main guy as a succcesful Private investigator then implies he has a god damn brain. Yet SOMEHOW he doesnt know anbout the Money?

Here is another one -- saying the wife "suffered".

SHOW us the readers HOW.

OR tell us the wife did NOT suffer.

I dont care either way but SAYING the wife suffered while gets to keep all her er money ..isnt in jail... and gets divorce from the man she hated... is NOT suffering.

Obviously, your previous stories, almost all of which score above 4+, create an expectation that you will have checked your story for internal consistency (e.g. the length of his marriage) and for plot holes (e.g. no sex for weeks, no reason to install the GPS, and constantly seeing Tina being freshly showered). But, surprise, you are human and misfire at times. Even ARod does not hit a home run every time (except when he is eating popcorn). Nevertheless, thanks for all of your stories.

Your story was to long. Your opening page was fine, but then your story died. Everything seem so rushed and jam together. It honestly got boring . Sorry!! (Good Luck on future stories).

Everyone else has hit the major points. So I will limit mine to the missing "h" at the end of Pittsburgh. I still give it a 4.

ALWAYS enjoy these stories.

You are such a dumb shit. I think you just enjoy bein a devils advocate lol

I read for enjoyment and I don't look for all this crap (like missing the h in Pittsburgh). If the story flows as yours do I like it.

Unlike those stories where apparently successful men are walked all over by the slut wife it feel good to read a logical well done story. I am not saying that the husband can not be fooled but once the facts start to come out I hate those stories where the husband loses his brain. He can run a successful business and deal with all sorts of problems but when his wife betrays him he suddenly fails open? Thanks for writing a great story.

I have been reading stories here for a number of years this rates up there in the top ten. Keep up the good work

This story not only had a plot, but it held my interest as well. Actually I was looking for more sex, but it was good enough that I liked it all the way through and never thought of quitting.

I liked the story, but it seemed to be a little lacking. Almost like it was an outline, or rough draft, rather than a finished story. All the plot points were there, but I would have liked to see it more fleshed out, more detailed, especially the dialogue.

Good plot. Excellent spelling (compared to some other "authors"). Took a course in creative writing, but wife is not into my adding to "Literotica". Bummer! Cheers, Mission Impossible

You write some fairly good stories in Loving Wives so I'm assuming you've had the unfortunate experience even though you're into Poly. This was one of your better ones, but the ending was lame, like you didn't know how to end it in the same vein of the story. Sure would like to see a stronger finish, thanks.

I prefer that stories wich show the aftermath events. Yes, this showed them I pushed 5 stars.

This is the style of writing which other authors should emulate to be successful !

One of the most enjoyable story on this site.

Your Loving Wives stories all have this same basic theme: a wife whom the reader never knows much about betrays her husband in an overly excessive way; hubby hardly had a prior clue about any of these activities; the newly enlightened hubby now schemes and collects data to shed almost in record time this little known or understood wife; while working to divest himself of what's-her-name, he teams up with another mysterious woman who takes little time to engage in the very same acts that he is divorcing his wife for; and the wife finally pays dearly financially and she disappears without the reader ever learning anything about what motivated her bizarre behavior; and finally the bereaved husband is wallowing in his financial and revengeful gains with said new female.

I Loved It! Thank you

Almost read like one of my police narratives...but then your protaganist was a former cop and then a private eye. So he would think that way wouldn't he? Is he going to be a regular character? Thanks Scorp...

5 stars,and about time a man got half......lol

but then I checked the list of posted comments, and the annon poster of 2/15/11, who titled his comment as "just okay" (the second comment on this story), said exactly what I was going to say. So plz take another look at that. Peace.

this is fiction, pure and simply. IT WAS GOOD FICTION. the writing was good, the characters were black and white, ok maybe just a little grey here and there. the wife got what she wanted, the husband ultimately got what he wanted, and she had to give up some of the pussy money. no they were not believeable, but neither are green aliens fighting the klingon empire in space.

I wonder if Tina's lesbian friends knew she was hooking on the side while licking their pussies for fun?

No matter.

On planet Mars this was a true story.

HA HA

he smoked the fat cock, buggered by the meaty one, betrayed!

I enjoyed the story with the exception of one bit of inconsistency. You wrote about Tina telling her girlfriends that she was going to leave Mark at the end of the month. However, when faced with him serving divorce papers, she cried about not wanting him to leave her. It just did not fit.

Since it was in first person, you could not write what she was thinking I suppose. But you could have had him ask her something like "I know you told your girlfriends that you were leaving me, so why the big show of tears?" She could have then explained the inconsistency in a variety of ways.

Thanks for writing!

Well written and engaging.

Two things:

1. The prostitution thing lacks any kind of explanatory reference. It seems so odd for his wife to be doing that. Something that out of the ordinary should be explained.

2. The wife's behavior confuses me. She says she's leaving him at the end of the month, then is upset when he kicks her out, then she simply dries her tears, signs the papers, and is gone. Did she ever love him?

I'm noticing enough of these stories having old women in their 40's,50's being prostitutes. I find that wey hard to believe, but then again stories are just that. I really like your work, keep it up, thanx

I guess everyone got what they deserved. Although with an ex-cop and PI for a husband, the wife did seem to do too many dumb things. Seems she didn't pay attention to whom she was married. And a comment to the author - I've never heard of a "professionally hostile ex-wife". Sounds like a real pain in the butt. I hope she got her due when she became an "Ex".

And I sympathize with the professionally hostile ex-wife. My last child graduates in 2 years so I'm looking forward to never hearing from her, ever, again. But I did like your story and I'm happy that he had a happy ending with Donna. It would have been okay to find out what happened to the ex-wife and I'm unclear as to his reason for sending the picture to the Nurse. It seems all this would do is serve as a reminder to him about the pain he endured being married to a cheating slut. Maybe a little revenge on them, past getting the money, would have been nice?

liked this one. There were, however, some screwy things mixed up with all of the various sub-stories. Our hero did not seem too broken up about losing his wife. And he must have been a real charmer to get Donna to fall for his so quickly.

1. They had two grown children, but did I later read that they had been married 16 years? 2. The first time he saw a tape of Tina as a "working girl," she expertly rolled a condom onto the guy's cock. The guy later told her that he had paid for the whole day so he expected her to leave his jizz in her ass.

The joy of choosing to love or choosing not to love shows nicely here. I liked this one a lot. Thanks.

TLC

Some of the daily details were....a little too detailed. And, yeah, a PI's wife should have been a little more careful [on the other hand, peeples is stoopid] Other than that, a good read. Lets hear more from your inner voice.

The characters were pretty good except for the wife. I felt the wife was a little over the top especially being married to a PI is quite remarkable to avoid detection for an extended amount of time. It's almost an oxymoron to put those factors together: Lesbian sex, prostitution and adultery. The bizarre nature of this chemistry watered down the effectiveness of the plot and the authentic nature of the story. Either the husband was a terrible Investigator or was totally aloof or both. Additionally, the wife wasn't a braintrust either. I do enjoy fantasy and I don't believe plausibility to be a major concern at all times but it is nice to have a mix. I feel this story may have been more enjoyable if the husband was a wealthy tycoon who owned a PI firm for some reason. At anyrate, U enjoyed the story and I felt you presented it very well and I gave it a five star rating. The pictures at the end being sent to Nurse Kathy made no sense.

lots of twists & turns in this one , .

by the 3rd page , i was shocked / stunned ., by all that had occurred.

at the end , i was trying to work out how the loving husband had managed to deal with events so well .

but i guess an ex cop , p.i. is proly the person most able to deal with that situation. after everything he has seen /experienced in his previous work.

Tina running around town doing all kinds of unwifely things. Did she think our hero sat in his office all day long? Is someone (anyone?) confused about our couple being married 16 years, but having two grown children and a grandchild?

How unique! Another way to spell Tina - S T U P I D. Good story. Good writing. Really enjoyed it. Cheers!

Enjoyable tale. Kept me going right through the end.

Very good, keep up the good work.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

You are very, very good. Your stories helped me to get over a cheating, booze soaked, ex-wife. Unless someone has been "cucked' they cannot understand the betrayal feelings and disrespect. Tina got what she deserved.

he was so good a PI and he didn't ever suspected anything?

statements and how they seemed to contradict her actions needs to remember is, like he said in the story. She lied to everyone she had anything to do with. Not hard to reconcile her behavior if you remember that. Sociopath.

Pretty well written and if he seemed a little cold, he probably was. Even if he trusted her he probably had his suspicions all along, at least about the lizard part. Once he found out she was a whore, that killed anything he might have had for her. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you have to cry like a little girl if the "do you wrong". He was the type of man who could be hurt and still function. Good for him.

could mean a variety of phrases. TK U MLJ LV NV

Hahaha, a professionally hostile ex-wife! I love that description! I have one of those also. Excellent story! You are a great writer!! Thank you

It got a little confusing, I mean, who actually was screwing who? But in the end, just like in a John Wayne movie, the good guy wins. And hey, this good guy got a nice chunk of change out of the deal too. Like I said, really nice story.

It's not a hot water heater. You don't need to heat hot water. Sorry it's a pet peeve. Otherwise a good story.

Pretty well written and edited for this website.

But what is the fascination among most of the writers on this website to add crude, angry and mostly awkward language about anal sex with the wives.

It fucks up most of the stories and makes me think you writers are a creepy bunch of mysogynists !!

Some points i want to make. First, overall a good story. Second, I think Scorpio44a had the number 16 stuck in his head, because Mark worked 16 years as a cop and then states that Mark and Tina were married for 16 years. I think he meant to say married for 26 years. That would hit with two grown kids both out of college.

Third point I want to make is a possible reason Tina went Bi. I think Scorpio gave us a hint in the relationship of Donna and Carol, a bisexual mother/daughter. I think maybe Melissa turned her mother on to lesbian sex. Mark stated that Melissa came out just to him, not both Mark and Tina. I mean would Melissa say, " Dad, I want you to know I am a lesbian and like to have sex with women. Oh, I also had sex with mom to help her understand thing," I think not! Just a thoughtB7CC

Excellent story, very different theme. Thank you

What pictures did Bob have for Tina? She asked him if he had the pictures for her and he said plenty.

Not sure it is necessary (or even advisable) to offer 3 BBQ styles in one eatery. First, the predominant demand is almost always local. For example, only a few Dixie transplants will want a vinegar-based BBQ anywhere west of the Big Muddy. Second, the major gear needed doesn’t lend itself to dual-use.

Oh, yeah ... the rest of the story is fine. Don’t know why Hubby didn’t just tell Sweetie, when she came in the door, that he knew she was planning to jump ship.

5*

This guy can write. I haven't read a story yet that I didn't like. Too gentle with Tina.though.

Nothing illegal about what she was doing with his wife. The only illegal thing was his wife playing for pay. Hence his payout. But he wasn't exactly Mr. Sunshine. Parts of what he was doing were highly illegal and his tryst with Donna and Carol was while he was still married. And they were Mother and Daughter and he KNEW it! Not a nice or a good guy. The other thing? What's he going to do? If he turns his wife in the money gets taken by the Law and he gets nothing. His wife MAYBE gets a slap on the wrist from the Courts. When was the last time you heard of a hooker going to jail? At that point she hires an attorney and gets half the sale price of their house AND half his business AND half his police retirement. Who has more to lose? You left out some important details for your happy, bullshit ending.

They have grandkids by their son but he say his wife of sixteen years was a hooker.

By the way, water heaters heat water, Why would anyone have a hot water heater? If the water is hot, you don't need to heat it. Sorry, just picking on you fellow Scorpio. Good story.

It was an interesting tale, but there were a few inconsistencies that stood out. Others have mentioned them in comments below so I won't repeat them.

I was going to say that it was odd her being paid such high prices for sex when she was in her 40's, but the wife must have been a whore for a long time to save up that much money. She probably just kept screwing her richest clients and had been with them for years.

Probably the strangest part of the story was Tina's fuck-buddy relationship with the four lesbians, while still having sex with her husband AND whoring on the side. She was going around fucking anything that moved, but seemed to love her husband and didn't want a divorce... but she also said she was going to leave him? A conversation with her to understand her motives would have been helpful as she seemed schizophrenic at times!

That Tina was a busy busy beaver. A husband, several lesbian girlfriends, and who knows how many johns she was selling it to. It’s a wonder she didn’t have callouses on her labia. But I do understand why he couldn’t stay married to her. But for the life of me I can’t figure out why he would hook up with a woman who enjoyed munching on her own daughter’s carpet. That’s just a little too weird, even for me. Still, a very entertaining story.

3 stars you wrote I read

Reading again. He should have sent evidence of her side business to the lesbians. That might have put a little drama into that relationship . Really good story.

"Our" grown children (one with a two year old) from a wife of SIXTEEN years. Definitely need a proof reader.

Absolutely right. He should have sent all the evidence of her whoring to the lesbians. It would be fun to see their faces when they realize that they have been eating a pussy that let's dozens of strangers fuck it bareback for money. Priceless.

You are one weird dude

Gee so many shocking coincidences

Sorry it got really stupid.

fifteen-hundred for an ass-fuck?!

Cleopatra would get envy lol

The mother-daughter angle did throw me. It sounds like a guy's fantasy rather than a story. And there was no emotion in most of it, except from the wife who had already decided she was moving out. I don't understand that. However, good P.I. story.

Gross. I have been with my share of women. I don't care about the lesbian stuff. .it's still treachery and disrespect to your husband. It's the mother thing. That's just sick

Seemed a little too wishy-washy, and escalating the wife's transgressions from cheating with another woman to lesbian orgies to prostitution felt comical. Not sure what the goodbye kiss was about, did he just want to end the relationship with a bad taste in his mouth? The PI parts were well done, just the relationships felt weak.

This was contrived nonsense. I can only imagine you had him with two women out of some asinine belief that it added symmetry to your story. It didn't. It just made it unrealistic and asinine. The whole story was bizarre because the characters might as well be out of a shitty B movie. There were too many plot holes, unanswered questions and abject stupidity for this to be taken even remotely serious. To say it was horrible is an understatement.

Like the story, the plot, and the pacing but lf it was me I'd have tried to hang on to Tina - she sounds like an interesting woman. maybe not the brown holing part! I don't get no thrills from rimming, salad tossing, or shit packing - even if it is a fav in the Literotica stories!

It is contrived and unrealistic

That’s a good old fashioned story of good over bad, nice character development

Well written a fun romp, a bit over the top in the coincidence department, but hey weird shit happens all the time. The mom and daughter thing is a bit ick for me personally, but a good read an interesting character could be the pivotal character in a series, if you wanted to. It might be tough to have his wife being the other woman in every story unless you pushed it to satire i guess humm that might actually be kinda funny...

Over the top? Sure.

Fun? Definitely.

I believe a few people here appear to be of the opinion that LW stories can’t be fun, they can only be uber-serious. Well, they are wrong. There is a place for both styles. As Vandemonium says, “now lighten up”. Good story, Scorpio.