All Comments on 'Marine Boy Ch. 01'

Stories great cant wait 4 more

Slightly confusing plot, but I liked it. Try to work on clarity of narration and character speech and reported speech if you want to improve.

... decent, but in my opinion you really need an editor to check on the typos/way you write down conversations and such.

This was a mess. The concept was a hot one for sure, but the chosen plot made no sense (engaged to sister, lying about knowing his dad, lying again and then being sparked, sister calls, declarations of love out of nowhere, confusing sex and dialogue). Things were repeated, it was hard to follow. Just made no sense and wasted the potential there. Sorry but had to be honest.

I liked it but it seemed a little bit of a stretch that Marine Mike would declare love for a guy he was just meeting. By the end of the night, Jason was declaring his love for Mike. It might have been better to develop that aspect of the relationship first.