All Comments on 'Mary and Alvin Ch. 10'

The characters in MelissaBaby's stories are so palpably real. The details all add up to a compelling whole. Character texture comes from simple things like the abbreviation of donut types, or the concern over the fate of the old bed. I can't read one of these stories without taking notes.

I like the anonymity of this site.

I’ve never understood same sex attraction. But I accept it because it’s always been there and it hasn’t, in my experience, hurt anyone although I’ve seen the partners hurt themselves. From a biased viewpoint it’s more likely that, one day, I might understand the female side, but then I’m a philogynist and never felt the same way about men. The little aside about Danni’s family is true about many families. So sad when two sides of a family, who love each other, don’t speak. Especially when one side can’t do anything about it and the other won’t do anything and they’re the only ones who can.

My family comes from a village, originally with less than a thousand population but much more now with offcomers, with that sort of cemetery and headstones so old they are falling over and so aged you can’t tell there’s marble beneath, or even what stone. A few things about the picnic and the names struck a chord. I think so many readers like your stories because of the personal feel. With the final scene of Mary and Alvin making love I now understand the value of allusion.

So was that the end? 🤔 If so I think you got it right, unless you have a positive way for it to continue. I don’t want to end up reading “Little Town by the Ocean 37.” 😂

Emirus- I am not done telling the story of Alvin and Mary, and I hope you will stick with me. I will do my best to keep it interesting!

The scene in the cemetery was very important to me. The first draft of it was, in fact, one of the first scenes I wrote with these characters. The tale of the two angels ( a true story, by the way) is in some ways, the foundation of the whole series, which I have structured around pairs of women; Mary/Bonnie, Charlotte/Jennifer, a pair you haven't met yet.

Melissa, the cemetary scene showed us perfectly who Charlotte was and how she fits into the puzzle. Your characters are very rich and individual. I look forward to more of Alvin and Mary.

cute!...

I seldom look at the 'Romance' listings here on Literotica. I most often look in the Group Sex, Loving Wives, or Mature category.

Most often, when I read a Romance story, it is because I sort of stumbled into it. Maybe a title beckoned me while was looking thru the list of stories by an author I follow or as I'm looking for the next installment of some multi-part story I'm reading from an author I've not read before. I don't recall which of those doors I ventured when I read a story in this series. I believe it was chapter 7. I liked the characters and style of writing and decided to hop back a couple of chapters to see if some scenes from chapter 7 would be clarified. I glanced into Chapter 5, and after a few paragraphs, decided I need to start at the beginning; I was enjoying the story I had stumbled into.

Now here I am at the end of chapter ten, and I think maybe I'm starting to understand why I don't read stories from the Romance section.

Based on the stories I've read, the quality of writing, and the character development are a lot better than the average stories I encounter elsewhere, and frankly this level of skill and craft of storytelling is intimidating to me as I look at the stories I currently am attempting to cobble together.

Another reason is that my eyes start leaking too often, and lord knows, that is something an old guy like me does not want to happen very often. So, where I am at the end of a chapter, I've clicked that fifth star thing and have written one of the very few comments I've written after reading a story. And now, that leaky eys issue is causing some trepidation as I head back to start on the next chapter.

You, MelissaBaby, Rock!

Another really good chapter, except for a few items.

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I finally figured out where everything is, as you put Unity, Searsmont, Bangor, Orono, and Lincolnville in the story. You placed Londonderry (which is in NH) in the spot where Belfast, ME sits--which fits, since the streets there match and so does the configuration, with the docks to allow for a wharf. There are 6 Dunkin' Donuts locations in Londonderry, NH, which the story places one in Belfast. (The Londonderry/Derry hint placed 1-2 chapters ago suggests you enjoy Stephen King.) I'm not dinging how you placed this, although it does feel weird to my mind.

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I'll address Danni, and the conundrum with her on two fronts. First off, if she were truly "devout" in the Jewish religion, she would never eat pork: her stating she was "not very observant" doesn't fit and might have been more appropriate to state she was "lapsed" or something of that nature. Also, she was noted to be "Latino," but now said in this chapter to be "Portuguese," which means a better fit for her would be "Hispanic" in the purist view. Readers now discover her dad and brothers are all firefighters, and that implies her father was likely Catholic, as regardless if she's Portuguese from Brazil or Portugal. Additionally, a truly devout Jew would not work in a profession that demands work on Saturday--so that implies it's her mother that is Jewish. All this certainly explains why her family completely shuns her (not forgetting that a Hispanic family [especially the father] would hit the roof, be super pissed and heatedly argue about that). However, as a character that's going to be Jen's partner and figures to possibly be more involved in the later arc, it is a significant oversight to have not addressed "why" and at least some detail/grief/angst included about how Danni fell out with her family, as that could add another layer of richness that's missing to have it glossed over with her saying "I have another family now." Problem is not only did her family exclude her, but she's running away from her heritage. Why does she not show evidence of speaking Portuguese? In language circles and cultural ties, that implies she is only half the person she could be--and because of her family marginalizing her--she'll never accept all her roots nor be able to live her fullest life (so it's like at best she will be only 1/3 of her possible best self). Therefore, I hope someone else pointed this out elsewhere, or that omission will leave a gaping hole in the narrative and her character development.

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As for Charlotte, you paced her "warming" to Mary very well, and I didn't find the cemetery scene odd. In fact, it's common for characters to either "get permission" from a dead mate in a story either by some kind of monologue alone, a graveside confession, or talking to other related family members (like their older sibling). Therefore, how Charlotte and Mary interacted there looked totally appropriate--and it satisfied Charlotte-- so both can now accept each other and build that relationship.

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Loved Alvin setting up "their" own bed, while giving Bonnie's bed to Jennifer; keeps it there, calms Mary knowing it's not Bonnie's, and advances their characters by clearing that obstacle to their relationship reasonably.

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On the story's merits (excluding the multiple issues with Danni), the story would be a 5. However, given the items referred to in the parenthesis, the best I can rate is a 3.

Loving the story so far, I read from chapter 1 to here today. It's quite a long one and this seems like a good stopping off point so I'm going to take a bit of a break read a few other stories before coming back to this one. But I'm loving it so far. Mary and Alvin's relationship seems pretty realistic for a romance story, they have realistic pasts to deal with and realistic frictions in their own relationship that make sense given their personalities. Looking forward to reading the rest.

And maybe it's because I'm an anime fan and visiting the graves of dead loved ones and praying or speaking to them is a common trope there but I didn't really get why Charlotte would be worried that Mary would think she's weird for talking to her mother's grave, that seems pretty normal to me. Only reason I don't talk to my mother that way is because nobody in my family can afford burials so everyone gets cremated. Maybe in Maine this is seen as abnormal.

"I have things to do, I'm just going to read one chapter..."

I am continuing to enjoy your writing. The story line flows easily and your characters are engaging and realistic. I rarely comment about the comments left by other readers, but, I have to say that Comentarista82 is being pretty nitpicking and negative. It’s especially important to remember that stereotyping people because of their culture, religion or race as their comments have is incredibly petty and offensive.

Mel, keep up the fine writing.