Mason Ch. 02

Mason hesitated, never in all of his years had he gone to a therapist. He now understood the reluctance of Katrina and others. It was a frightening feeling to tell someone about your deepest thoughts and feelings. That he and Eustace were friends didn't make it any easier, in many ways it made it more difficult. For a brief moment, Mason reconsidered his decision to talk about Katrina. If he talked, he would have to talk about the rage he felt at Ethan for what he had done to her, he would have to confess that he has entertained thoughts of murder.

Eustace waited patiently for Mason to speak. He knew that for Mason to come to him, he had to be going through some major shit. Mason he knew was very private, he was very selective about whom he let get close to him and this Katrina must have been some woman to have him so out of sorts.

"The first time I saw her was after Ethan raped her. At first, I felt sorry for her, no one should have to go through something like that. Then I was angry and I wanted to kill him. I couldn't believe that he didn't recognize her, that he had hurt her like that. I still hadn't gotten a good look at her but I could tell that she was beautiful and so vulnerable. What ended up happening is that I tried to help Ethan understand what was happening and I simply fell in love with her. No, that's not true; the fucking fates decided that it would be amusing to let her have two mates and she had to choose which one of us she wanted." Mason said bitterly.

Eustace leaned back in his chair.

"When did you really fall in love with her?" Eustace asked.

"I don't know if I can answer that, I felt something for her from the beginning but I tried to disregard it. After all, she was Ethan's mate....and mine too but I think it was while she was pregnant. After Ethan came here, I began to spend a lot of time with her, Ethan asked me to look after her. I went to her appointments with her and I was holding her in my arms as she gave birth to the twins. The entire time I was wishing that she and they were mine, I still do."

"Ethan did that even though he knew of your feelings for Katrina? He had a great deal of trust in you." Eustace said, "Why didn't you take advantage of the opportunity?"

Mason was silent for several minutes before replying.

"My damned honor is why. In spite of what he did to her, Ethan was still my friend and I couldn't do it and don't think for one second that I didn't think about trying to sway her my way but it came down to this, I wanted her to choose me of her own free will."

"You were in quite a pickle as the humans would say." Eustace said, "At what point did you realize that she had chosen Ethan?"

Mason swallowed hard, even though that moment had been almost five years ago, it hurt as if had happened yesterday. He felt the same stab in his heart that he felt then as he watched Katrina choose Ethan without even realizing that she was doing it. Tears burned his eyes as they did then as he watched Katrina start to reach out to a sobbing Ethan who was seeing his babies for the first time and then stop herself. He should have left then but he couldn't as long as there was a glimmer of hope that she would change her mind. That was how he saw her hesitation; it was a glimmer of hope. He realized that Eustace was still waiting for him to answer.

"I knew she had chosen when Ethan saw the babies for the first time. He was sobbing and without thinking about it, she started to reach for him and stopped herself. I decided to interpret that as indecision so instead of leaving as I should have, I stayed. I stayed even after I was positive that I had lost her because I was hoping that Ethan would fuck up somehow."

"But he didn't." Eustace commented.

"No, he didn't. It's like you said, he worked his ass off and won her back without the benefit of the bond but you know that there is one thing that I've always wondered. What would have happened had I met her first?"

"What do you think would have happened?" Eustace asked.

"I believe that I would still be in California with Katrina as my wife with maybe a baby or two and not sitting here spilling my guts to your sorry ass." Mason replied.

Eustace laughed and then turned serious.

"I would love to meet this woman. She must be something special to have the stoic Mason Donahue in such knots. Tell me what she's like and I don't mean physically." Eustace said, "Ethan already covered that. I also know how he saw her but I'm interested in your observations."

"How to describe Katrina." Mason mused, "I can't do that without saying that she's beautiful and not just on the outside. The first impression I had was that she was so vulnerable. She had an innocence about her that had been destroyed during the rape and there was sadness about her that went beyond that night. But underneath all of that there was a strength that she didn't know she had. I watched her grow from a frightened, insecure woman into a quiet but secure woman in spite of the hand that had been dealt to her. It took courage not to abort those babies and even more courage to keep them and then to accept her rapist as her mate? That Eustace, is strength and Katrina is a woman that any man with half a brain would be proud to have as his mate and the mother to his children."

"You still love her very much, even after all of this time." Eustace commented, "The questions that you have to ask yourself are why you can't let her go and what you're going to do about it." Eustace said.

"What the fuck Eustace! Don't you think I've been doing that? I've already deleted their pictures from my phone!" Mason exclaimed.

Eustace was silent for several minutes, he was about to make Mason very angry.

"I think that you don't want to get over her...."

"What..." Mason interrupted.

"I think that deep down you're still hoping that Ethan will screw up and Katrina will come running to you for help."

"Now just a damned minute!" Mason said standing up.

"I also think that's why you were able to walk away from your mate, the one that married someone else. All you had to do was get to know her but I think that deep down you felt that you were somehow betraying Katrina even though she isn't and wasn't yours to betray but lets talk about your mate, the one you walked away from; what was she like? And feel free to describe her." Eustace said.

Mason sat down as he realized the truth of what Eustace told him.

"Her name is Toni."

Mason told Eustace about the night that he and Toni met and her offer to have a drink with him and his declination.

"I think about that night and realize that I should have taken her up on her offer. Now she's married to the man I carried home that night."

"Why haven't you told me what she looks like?" Eustace asked quietly. When Mason didn't answer he continued, "I'm going to go out on a limb and say that she reminds you if Katrina in some way. You don't have to answer; I see it in your face that I'm right. So here you are without Katrina whom you lost to Ethan and without Toni who you lost to a human man."

"Will you stop stating the fucking obvious?" Mason said gruffly.

"Let me ask you this." Eustace said, "What do you think would have happened if you had taken Toni up on the offer of having a drink with you?"

"She wouldn't have married the human male. I realized too late that she was the one who was supposed to help me get over Katrina but Eustace, she didn't seem any more interested in me that I did her." Mason replied.

"I have my hunches about that too, would you care to hear them?" Eustace asked.

"You're going to tell me anyway so have at it." Mason replied.

"Here's what I think, I think that she was following your lead. I don't know her but I'm guessing that she's very intuitive and that she picked up that you didn't want to be with her, whether she understood what was happening I can't say but if I had to guess I would say that she didn't. In effect what you did was to unintentionally release her to be with someone who wanted her."

Mason stared at Eustace horrified.

"Are you saying that I broke our bond?" he asked.

"No, not at all at least not in the way that Ethan broke the bond between him and Katrina. Your bond with Toni is still there but buried beneath whatever it is that she feels for her husband and I'm assuming that she loves him."

"What in the hell are you saying?" Mason demanded.

"I'm saying that you have a decision to make, you can either sit back and wait or you do something to take her away from him."

Mason was speechless; he now understood how Ethan must have felt when he heard that he had broken the bond between him and Katrina.

"Eustace, it was one fucking drink!"

"Yes but it was the one thing that determined your future with Toni. But I have another difficult question for you. Are you sure that this woman is your mate or was it that she reminded you of Katrina? Is it possible that this is the reason why you didn't feel drawn to her? I'm not saying that she isn't your mate, I'm just looking at the possibilities."

It was something that Mason had already thought about at great length and discounted it, Toni Greene now Jacobson was his mate and he couldn't have her.

"I've already thought about that." Mason said, "And I've come to the conclusion that Toni is my mate but here's the thing, she will never have all of me. I'm not going to lie to you or myself about that and when the time comes I won't lie to her about that either but I don't know how I'm going to explain it to her."

"Mason, I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself, have you tried to contact her?"

"Twice through face book but she never responded. I just found out that she had married from today's paper but that doesn't change how I feel about Katrina. What do I do about that? Moving here helped but I still miss her, there is hardly a day that passes that I don't think about her."

"You have to acknowledge that Ethan isn't going to fuck up, if that were going to happen it would have happened long before this. You have to face the fact that Katrina has chosen and that she loves Ethan even if she hasn't told him that. But maybe what needs to happen is that you need to see them together, I'm not saying confront them but go home unseen and see for yourself."

Mason's heart pounded, he couldn't do that. If he did he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to stay away from her.

"Mason?" Eustace said, "What are you thinking about?"

"I can't do that, maybe if my mate were with me I could but not now. If I went, I don't think that I'd come back." Mason replied.

The work day passed quickly for Toni, for which she was grateful. She admitted six patients all with flu like symptoms similar to James'. She called him several times that day worried about him.

"Sweetheart, I'm fine! I'm starting to feel better so stop worrying!" he told her although he would never admit that he loved the way that she worried over him. In fact he was feeling much better and was puttering around the kitchen when she called.

"Alright, I just admitted six patients with the same symptoms that you had but your symptoms were more severe. I'm wishing that I had made you come in to be admitted, as a matter of fact, I'm still thinking about it."

"Toni, I'm fine and besides I have my own private doctor who has an incredible bedside manner so hurry home so you can take care of me."

Toni laughed, James as it turned out was almost insatiable. When she asked him about his sexual appetite and why she didn't see it before he grinned at her.

"A guy's gotta have a few secrets." he teased, "but seriously, it was there but you weren't at least not in the way that you were after we got married. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I wasn't tempted to see other people but I swear that I never did anything about it. For one, I love you too much to disrespect you like that and for two I knew that when you finally realized that you loved me, it would be worth the wait and I was right."

That brought up the first discussion about a baby.

"James we're just getting started in our practice, I want to be established before I think about having a baby. I'm not saying no, I'm saying not yet."

The discussion ended in a stalemate but Toni knew it would come up again.

"Alright, unless something earth shattering happens I'll be out on time. Should I stop and get dinner?"

"No sweetness, just come home. I miss you."

Toni was home two hours later. She parked the car in the garage and walked into the kitchen.

"James! I'm home!" she called as she sat her lunch bag on the counter, "James!" she called again becoming alarmed when he didn't respond. She turned off the stove on which a pot filled with water had been boiling and walked through the house calling James' name. The last room that she checked was the basement, he sometimes went down there to work on his "little projects" as he liked to call them. There he was with headphones on and nodding to whatever he happened to be listening to. Toni tapped him on his shoulder making him jump with a yelp of surprise.

"Jesus woman! You scared me half to death!" he exclaimed hugging her, "I'm glad you're home." he added.

"Me too, but did you know that you left the stove on?"

James frowned, "I did?" he asked.

"Yeah, I turned it off. You don't remember turning it on?" Toni asked.

"No, the cold meds must have my brain addled." James said, "And then I got busy with something else." He added mysteriously.

"What are you up to?" she asked hugging him back.

In the back of her mind she wondered whether she should take him to the hospital kicking and screaming. He felt warm to her, warmer than normal and he had lost some weight which in and of itself wasn't surprising since he had been sick but something niggled at her.

"James, please let's go to the hospital and have you checked out." she begged.

"Toni Jacobson you're becoming quite the nag." James teased, "But I'm fine. Let's go back upstairs and I'll finish dinner."

"But..."

But James was already halfway up the stairs.

Eustace didn't reply, he was sure that Mason would respond the way that he had. He wasn't ready to let Katrina go even though he said he was.

"What? No comments?" Mason asked.

"What do you want me to say?" Eustace asked, "That the bottom line is that you're not ready to let go of another man's wife. Until you're ready to that, I can't do anything but be a listening ear for you and you will always have my ear. But when you're ready to move forward with your life, come to me and we'll figure it out."

Mason went home miserable and conflicted about what to do. Eustace had told him exactly what he would have told anyone else. The bottom line was that in addition to the possibility that he wouldn't come back, he was afraid that he would see what Eustace thought that he would; a happy and content Katrina. It would be a sight that would force him to accept what he already knew to be true; Katrina was lost to him forever.

Mason sat in a recliner, put his feet up and closed his eyes to think. Eustace was right, he had to see for himself that Katrina was happy and well with Ethan, and he had to say his goodbyes to her even if it wasn't to her face. He briefly thought of a face to face with her if Ethan would agree but decided against what he was going to do would be hard enough.

Mason vanished from his chair to his house in California startling his staff.

"Do you need anything sir?" the butler asked.

"No, I won't be here very long." he replied as he went to his room.

He sat on the bed and remembered something that he often told his clients.

"Sometimes you have to do the things that you don't want to even if you're afraid to face them."

Before he could change his mind, he dialed Ethan's cell phone number. Ethan answered on the first ring.

"Mason?"

"Yes, it's been a while; how are things?"

"Good, how are you?" Ethan asked curious as to why Mason was calling after all of this time.

"I've been better, look I'm not going hand you a bunch of bullshit about looking through my contact list and stumbling across your number. I have a reason for calling you and I would like to see you and talk, I'm here at home can you make it over here?"

An hour later Ethan was sitting in Mason's living room. Mason thought it odd that Ethan used to come here for help and now Ethan was here to help him he hoped.

"Where in the hell have you been?" Ethan asked shaking Mason's hand.

"I moved to Boston and joined Eustace Matthews as a partner." Mason replied.

"Really? He never said anything." Ethan commented.

"That's because I asked him not to. I didn't want you or Katrina to know where I was. Ethan look, you know how I felt about her, that's why I moved. I thought that time and distance would help and it has to a small degree but it hasn't changed the way that I feel about her. I still love her and god help me, I've spent the last couple of years hoping that you would fuck up so she'd come to me. I'm finally able to admit that after listening to Eustace fill me in on a few truths. I'm also able to admit that I will always have feelings for her no matter what I do to convince myself that I won't."

Ethan sat quietly and waited, he already knew what Mason wanted and needed.

"I found my mate in Boston and like you I fucked up. I didn't rape her but I rejected her because I can't let go of Katrina. It was Eustace, the smug bastard that pointed out that I felt like I was betraying Katrina when she wasn't and isn't mine to betray. The end result is that my mate married someone else a few weeks ago."

"Are you blaming Katrina for that?" Ethan asked.

"No! This isn't her fault. Its mine for waiting so long to do what I needed to do, I should have left the night that you saw the babies for the first time, whether you know it or not it was then that she chose you. I need to see them so that I can let her go and begin my life."

Ethan looked at Mason and agreed. It was the least that he could do. This was partly his fault, he knew that Mason had some feelings for Katrina but they intensified when he spent so much time with her at his request.

"I have no problems with that and I know that she'll be happy to see you. Mason, you never let me thank you for what you did for us so I'm going to do it now whether you want me to or not. We've had our differences but you were and are my friend. I put you in a horrible position when I asked you to look after Katrina and I'm sorry for that but I also am grateful to you for giving us a chance to work things out. So thank you. The girls are still up if you want to come now."

Mason didn't know if he was ready to see them tonight but then this is why he came.

"Don't you want to call her first?" Mason asked.

He watched as Ethan pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number.

"Hi sweetheart, no it's alright. Are the girls in bed yet? Can you keep them up just a little bit longer? There's someone who would like to see you and them. Mason."

Mason heard her delighted squeal and his heart pounded and then slowed. It wasn't the squeal of a woman who just found out that her long absent lover was coming home; it was the sound of a woman who was excited to see a long absent friend. Minutes later, he was in Ethan's living room giving the girls hugs.

"They've grown so much!" he exclaimed, "and they're beautiful just like their mother." he said glancing up at Katrina.

What he saw when he looked at her confirmed what he knew, she belonged to and with Ethan. He saw the unspoken love in her eyes when she looked at him and Mason realized that the only way that she would have looked at him that way was if he had found her first. He now had the proof that he needed, it was time to start moving on.

Mason stayed for an hour before leaving.