by MJwv1997
The story has potential if you stop writing the story like a clinical report assesment.It would be helpful if you write longer chapters with more dialogues and descriptions of the thoughts & feelings of the characters.
I like your writing style. The methodical and detailed descriptions make it clear that you are paying close attention - as any sub should. Make sure you treat your Master well and he will value your efforts
It's obvious that you've put lots of thought into this story, and the detail is extensive. You may want to cut back a little on the basic geography of the house and spend more time describing how Seth feels.
Try not to shift tenses; it breaks the flow of the story.
What process did he chose him, since he used an online app? He chose someone who can't even support himself alone never mind a slave. No he has to also pay the way if his friend Zach? How much of a slave will he be with world as a lawyer, free time, and idol time? Wheee is the sex and submission? Tags all wrong too he is not a 25/7 slave no water sports no pissing no bdsm. Is this part2?
I'm not getting any younger. TOO many details, most of us want to get excited, didn't do a thing for me.
Thank you guys soo much. Im going to re submit this chapter before i continue the story. Thank you so much!!
Thanks for your comment. This is but just the first part. I promise all your questions will be answered soon.
I would like to tell you that I enjoyed your story. It made me want to find a master that is that caring to his slave. Can't wait for chapter 2.