All Comments on 'Mate Ch. 01'

good start but I hope this will not be one of those tales that goes on forever.

The pace is very slow and I will never finish your tale.

Excellent. Very much looking forward to where this story takes us.

Loved it. Interesting subject and people. Not just the average college kid story that many seem to put on here. I wouldn't mind this story lasting for quite a few chapters.

A wonderful tapestry you are weaving here. I will recommend this piece to a few like-minded lunatics.

Your story was very enjoyable - the characters drew me in after a while, though not at the very beginning. I liked the idea of these two people meeting, each with their own albatrosses making it harder to interact or relate to others. Your rendering of his synesthesia seemed very well done - I say "seemed" only because I have never met a person who is synesthetic.

One of the major places where I could suggest improvement is the flow of the language - I don't mind the terseness, but after a while it sounded stilted. Worse, both characters sounded the same, and thus they are not differentiated either from each other in their dialog or from the narrative parts. In places, towards the end, there is not enough show and too much tell.

I see that there is at least one more chapter posted. I hope the storytelling gets better as the story revs up. Very interesting, and unique. I left a score of 4* - hope future chapters will be 5.

I just finished reading this chapter and I'm moving very hastily to the second one. This is great! I love your writing style and the humor in this a lot. Can't wait to follow along :)

When reading the beginning I was instantly reminded of the 1954 short story "The Immortal Game" by Poul Anderson, a dramatization of Anderssen-Kiezeritzky (London, 1851). as told from the POV of a white bishop. I give this story a !!!.

...not AggressivelyLimeGreen, like so many of the stories on Literotica are.

-Rei

I first read the story about Magda's brother and loved your style of writing.

I then came here and found more of what I like. I am anxiously rushing to get through the rest of this love story and hoping things work out for both of them.

5/5

And am re reading it a second time.

I just want to point out that AIK fans are some of the nicest people I've met across my travels, and not all members of the black army are so mean.

Keep up the good work