All Comments on 'Mated Forever Ch. 01-04'

nice start, a little distracting with the thoughts being between *'s and not in italics but otherwise lookingforward to chapter 2.

Had to stop reading once I reached your version of emoticons. Are you serious? Emoticons in a written story used to convey thoughts and feelings instead of words being used? If that was your personal hook, perhaps this story belonged in "illustrated"

I'd be interested in reading a cleaned up version.

Please edit. Get rid of emoticons, this is not supposed to be a forum for texting. Consider changing from first to third person. At least fix the spelling: the word is "college" not "collage" if you mean an institution of learning.

I'm glad you wanted to share your work with us, but I would focus on your writing a bit. The emoticons interrupt the flow of the story. Also I would work on flushing out the plot and the characters. If a strange man with fangs came up to you, would you go with him? This story isn't bad for a first start and you can obviously spell (so you are ahead of a lot of writers). Good luck!

well i've taken in to consideration to all your comments and I do agree on some, as the story progressed while i was writing it the emoticons became less frequent till they disappeared all together. I'm sorry about the way i've writen it, it's still in process i just need new ppl to read this story. but i will not put it into third person, it stays that way i like the first person you get a better grip of Ella that way, also it limits the readers view into the mind of Trent. And thats they way it is. I will edited it all the way through when i am done and change the * * for the thoughts to the real ones ' ' well glad you ppl like the story and im sorry for Ella being a bit unrelistic she should probably scream and freak out, I'll probably change that once i edit everything, thanks for reading. -Mega15

I read the stories for the story, not looking for small errors in grammar. She went with him because he was going to take her anyway, what choice was there? She was scared but then he put her at ease. It's a good story and I would be interested to hear more. Interesting ending but more interested in seeing how it turns out

Personaly I like to read... Your story has plot and the beginings of interesting overall story line. Dont sweat the small stuff, a few little grammar mistakes thats nothing. Im not a fan of the emotioncans, but I dont think they detract from the story any. Please keep writing.

What can I say..... You have rushed this. Also apart from the poor grammar and emoticons the story itself lacks credibility in certain areas. For example no sane woman irrelevant of pissed she is( drunk for you American readers) is going to willingly walk off with some vampire no matter how cute he is! I would suggest you inject your story with an element of realism.