All Comments on 'Matty Meets Kimmy'

i look forward to part 2

or a score for really really liked it but not quite one of the all time greats. Which is not to say it doesn't show promise and only had one need for edit that I recall.

Great job. Look forward to reading more from you.

I liked the story, but it was hard to follow. Each scene was written in the first person, but from different perspectives. Please be consistent with the point of view.

secretdesires69, i read and really appreciated the email,thanks for the really helpful and constructive feedback. Allow me to address your concerns,

1. In hindsight, i definitely agree that particular scene (panic at the fair) could have been helped with a bit more spark. This one i can't fix as it would take resubmitting the story etc.

2. The switching POVs is a technique that proved successful on another story i did in which a female writer and i alternated the storytelling. I kind of like writing from both perspectives as it gives a view into what each person is feeling. If people are getting distracted or confused with the alternating POVs then that is something i seriously have to consider changing. Unfortunately i'm already 5000 words into a followup which is about halfway done and i've been using the alternating POVs, so the next chapter at least will be in similar vein of the first.

3. I will definitely work on making sure that the scenes you're referring to have a little more detail in them in the future.

thanks again

I'm excited to read the next chapter!

This story is one many of us lived in college. Going thru the nerves,finally getting to a comfortable place, and then going to the new, amazing place. Well written.

I really enjoyed the switching perspectives. It gave a good insight into both characters and made the story come to life. Great job!

I like the 2 perspectives, and beyond the other comments here, make sure they use distinct and believable voices. For example, she thinks to herself that he is grasping her hard; but it is odd when then he says. "sorry for the hard grasp".

be careful of use of your versus you're.

i re-read that part and i get what you're saying about being careful about distinct voices. Thanks for the input and thanks for reading. When i set out to write this series, my intent was for something sweet and lovey dovey, so i guess at times it gets out of hand a little.

I'm usually a stickler when it comes to "your" and "you're" so if there are any mishaps, it's solely because of careless proofreading on my part, my apologies.

No one wants to read about going to the bathroom, and flushing, and wiping. Just stop that. Stop.