All Comments on 'Medical Mobile Unit'

Excellent plot, rapidly improving and mature writing. Exciting to read something entirely new and different. Given my field I recognize a lot of your writing as being true. If you are a published writer already please let us know.

Posting as ad*m

I do have some writing experience. Mostly as a technical education writer. And about 20 novels published under a pen name. These are all story lines that do not have a place in my other writing and are products of my imagination.

So because he induced a slut to play act as a good wife and mother, that justifies him fucking her like the whore she is, and wanted to be, and will continue to be given the opportunity? He could have just threatened her with exposure. What did his fucking her have to do with correcting her behavior? He simply demonstrated to his nephew's wife that all men are pigs, bullies, and predators. The difference between her cheating whore behavior and her husband's uncle using his power to fuck her brains out is . . . absolutely NOTHING.

So what was the point of this story? Fight fire with fire? It was distressing that the uncle allowed his nephew to stay clueless and married to this soulless cruel bitch. We can all just imagine what kind of mother she is going to be, and how well the children will be raised under her influence. Not a pretty ending in sight.

And thanks for trying. Unique, but disturbing.

" I am a man

Cut from the know

Rarely do friends

Come and then go"

She was a girl

Soft but estranged

We were the two

Our lives rearranged".

Strong overall intro that developed the characters well. I was sooo ready for strsying wife to be humbled. Maybe the narrator could have established just how bonded he was with nephew to explain the extreme measures of retribution and Colleen's involuntary attitude adjustment.

"Feeling so good that day

A feeling of love that day

Twisting and turning

Your feelings are burning

You're breaking the girl

Think you're so clever

But now you must sever

You're breaking the girl."

Once the characters were well established thanks to writer's skill . It was clear these both these two had ample motivation and capability for " grudge fuck of a lifetime " . Excellent job detailing heated action . This is a fantasy site - not story subject to intullectual rigor . Clearly uncle had conflict of interest in his dual roles as judge and lascivious jailer - a hall of fame writer like FinishtheDammStory or Scouries would have done some swift bunco double talking jive to obscure contradiction. Oh well.

Bottom Line : So logic was a little slipshod. Excellent character development and heated taboo coupling. That's why I hope to see on Literotica. This wasn't hall of fame or even favorite - worthy . But still this tale hooked me and held my interest till " twilight of love had arrived ".

Full marks * * * * *

Lordslummydooggy never met a rape he didn't like.

He taught her a lesson that made her a better wife and person. Cheating has consequences, even if they aren't terminal.

This is kind of stupid. The guy gets sexual favors from woman he is blackmailing and the author keeps on moralizing? Did not occur to the author that she can break that any time? How would he explain that to "Dennis"? "I was disciplining her sexually"?

The plot has an idea but it went quickly down the drain. I notice that in other story from this author as well, in his "Physical Therapy" story he gest great plot going only to stumble in the end going for miscommunication melodrama.

I am really sorry to see good plot going to waste when the author loses energy toward the end and does simplistic resolutions. "The bitch changes into a princess" thanks to sex discipline training? Yeah, right.

A little different, but still a good story.