All Comments on 'Memorial Day Picnic'

I'm not into pain, but what you've written here is not about gratuitous race to the gutter pain so it was pupil dilatingly enjoyable. This was more sensation play, and the strong connection between M/s is clear. With a few subtle word choices, and actions that are woven into the scene, you give us his care and the basis for her trust. That makes the action erotic. That is where many writers fall short. You found the balance. 5*