All Comments on 'Messy Ch. 23'

You're killing me! You're not really going to leave the story this way, right? You're going to tell us they get rescued, heal up, admit their love for each other, go get Sienna as their submissive and Jessie as his other lover and all live happily ever after!!!!!

PLEASE!

After all the details, the florid descriptions and graphic sex you leave us with a blurred ending telling us nothing about the struggle, no balancing of the scales or even a concrete finality of life or death!!! If nothing else this tale needs an epilogue, a reckoning for the bad or a graveside spilling of facts! Here's hopeing...

Thanks for your comments, I appreciate the time you took to read this and comment. Your notes show that the story meant something to you, and that's the best compliment I could get.

This is gonna be long.

I wish the mods hasn't rejected the first draft of this chapter due to the violence of the shootout. That first draft described in more detail how Gary was wounded, and would've given the reader a better understanding of the fact that when he took the tourniquet off to put on Tori, it was only a short matter of time until death. As it was, his last thought being cut off - I thought - pretty well conveyed how the story ended.

In case they rejected this version for gore, my plan was to end the Gary narrative with him preparing to fight and then cut to Jessie sitting in her rocket, drinking, crying, and obsessively listening to the news story about a terrorist attack in northern Minnesota that left no survivors.

I've written fiction before and its quickly spiraled or of my control and become unmanageable with the number of stories I want to tell branching out. When I decided to write this back in 15 or 16, I decided that I didn't want to write the MCU of sex, I wanted to tell one story only. And the way to do that was to kill the main character at the end. Once I'd decided to do that, and I'd decided on the general theme of the story - writing the antithesis of the rich, powerful, wounded, desirable, ultimately tamed badboy dominants that were popular when I started - the non-erotic storyline was quickly inspired by an interrupted terrorist attack in, and the beautiful, empty northern woods of, my home state Minnesota.

I knew how I was gonna kill Gary early on. He was going to die for something, for someone. Like a warrior. In a "good trade." And the fact that he left so much unfinished in his life simply reinforced the theme of the book. His life was MESSY. When people die unexpectedly, violently, their lives aren't wrapped up neatly. I've seen way too much of that. Life doesn't usually have happy endings. Its not like the books where Domly McDomerson the fabulously wealthy vampire shipping magnate with the heart of gold has a baby and settles down with his secretary and spends the next 200 years tying her up (but not too tightly).

Gary was a mess (at least I think so) and I tried to reinforce that with everything he did, including the way that he died. I think trying to stay realistic like that gave the story some heft. And some beauty.

Thanks for reading. If you have any questions, start a thread on the forums (or I may yet) and I'll try to respond to everything. I owe a response to anyone who took the time to read and has something to say.

Thanks again.

I really enjoyed reading this. I did not like the ending. It was more realistic but I like happy endings.

Thank you for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it, despite the ending.

Loved the story, the Nina family angle was a good twist I had never considered. Did not like the heroes end, but it was a faithful ending, staying true to the story.

Sad to see this story come to an end, really enjoyed it! Talented author!!

Hated the ending.

Thanks for the feedback. If you enjoyed the story despite the ending, I'd recommend checking out my current story, "Three Weeks On The Road." It is a several-years-later followup to "Messy." It takes place in the same universe, with several of the same characters.

Thanks again.

Loved this story and I will be checking out your other story ☺

I thought for awhile, when you mentioned Sierras abusive boyfriends, that one of them may have been behind the assaults, but the Nina aspect came out of the blue. Nice touch. You gave it an unhappy ending which seemed pretty abrupt given the volume of space you devoted to the detailed sex scenes. The end seemed rushed after all. It needed more time and detail. Even if the mods dissed the violence, you could have concentrated on their “escape” some more. Otherwise, great writing, dialog, and character development. Thanks for putting so much effort into a story!

Thanks for reading and commenting.

I agree it was abrupt. :-( The ending I had written was far more descriptive. Their escape from the cabin until the point where it picked back up at The Curve was one long rolling bloody gunfight. Couldn't make any of it work with the mods, unfortunately.

If you like this one, make sure you read my second story, Three Weeks On The Road. It follows some of the same characters years later.

Additionally, I'll have a third story getting posted sometime this fall.

Thanks again for reading and commenting. I'm glad you liked it!