All Comments on 'MetaMorph Ch. 03'

Fat men do get shit on. They also hear what girlfriends day.

Damn. This is going to have to be revised. A bunch of the statements in the text conversation are missing - I think they were just copied and the web browser thinks they are HTML.

Not ure how you get 5 out of this unless one of them fucks up. Guess we'll see.

Comment on what I've just read or wait for the revision? You know I have something to say.

Am looking forward to the rest. Please continue to post daily. Can't wait.

Is get a fucking life you loser and stop living 24/7 on Lit LW. Jesus Christ Almighty....

This one is improving as you go on. This chapter topped the first two by miles.

I sincerely hope you will continue on this road. 4 *

That he ever got laid never mind marrying a gorgeous women. Nope he is just a lazy fat sweaty slob with no self respect why should anyone respect him back? I can't believe I am going to write this as this is a 360 from my usual position BUT she should get a mulligans and a Noble Peace prize for starting a relationship with the fat and ugly loser. Hoping you turn him around as no one is ever a lost cause!

Really hope there's no reconciliation but I see it happening you're throwing almost every device to see it happen(I'm waiting for the meddling parents or friends to get them to stay in a marriage that the cheater shitted on), while I'm not a fan of BTB I'm also not a fan of reconciliation what I am a fan of is forgiving and moving on from the cheater.

You must have written the entire story in advance because the errors continue to be the same: Champagne!!!! A new one is "loose" the weight or die. It's lose. I see that one in a lot of the other stories so don't feel alone. The errors are like pot holes in the road. Distracting from the ride.

I was confused with the blanks that followed the M's and J's in the luncheon dialog with Megan and June.

I look forward to the next chapter without trying to guess what's coming. Am starting "Out of Love" today to tide me over.

I'm getting hooked on this story. It seems to be a well thought out story and I can't wait to find out what happens and if they do get back together and if they do how do they do it.

Interesting story, and I think initially a reconcile, but something will happen where he falls prey as she did, her looks will suffer, yet in the end "RickRolled" -OR- Together forever.

I just hope you don't pull a Katmai or a Mikoli.

With respect to the missing dialog, please correct. The mods can maintain comments to date.

Next time do copy and paste. No mistakes there.

Great job jezzaz

I know a 3 pager is the norm for stories. But for a story series releasing only 3 pages at a time is impacting the story flow forthe reader. I think it's best I just wait till you finish releasing the story and read it E2E. This one has potential and looking forward to the remaining chapters

Funny, the missing dialogue didn’t bother me at all. Having been in related occupations in the past, I've read many "conversation transcripts" that were far less thorough. In my read, the only thing missing from the transcript was the word "(unintelligible)" after the M or J. I guess I "filled in those blanks" on my own.

I have a friend who was in a position like this. It's not entirely June's fault. It is impossible for a woman to respect a fat stoner couch potato as a man.

You can't have a marriage without respect but she still cares about Dan. Problem is that it becomes a "take care of him" kind of love rather than a romantic love. She would probably have left him if she respected him enough to believe that he could take care of himself. Otherwise, leaving him is akin to a mother abandoning her child.

...don't make it too easy for her, please, Jezzaz.

She not only lies (to herself, Megan and especially Dan) about having separated the affair from her married life, she has actively taken the affair home - by doing as her lover demanded (or at least proposed) and by bitching to her husband most of the time she was home. And don't forget that she did never think of taking him with her to New Orleans or inviting him over (remember: he's virtually unemployed). And the comunication from her side dropped down to nearly nothing. My bet: she intended to do the naughty when away from home, she was ashamed of her partner and she easily forgot that he was alone in L. A.

All this cannot be easily forgiven and forgotten. So - maybe 2 more chapters will be on the way and will be really needed to find the solution you are heading for.

At least my worst suspicion did not prove true: that she is the driving factor behind Greg's offer and is paying Greg with sex to get her husband's forgiveness and get a well-trained hunk as husband back within a few month. Judging by her actions and the conversation in this chapter I think she is not guilty on that charge; obviously she is not really that wicked, she is just dumb concerning relationships.

I give you again 5* as a credit for a good ending (posted a.s.a.p, please!)

1) The missing dialog IS actually the word "Unintelligable". I just put it in brackets and the HTML convertor the website uses thought it was HTML code and removed it, since it didn't know what it was. I've have since learned and this has already been resubmitted it. Apologies to everyone for that.

2) I have no choice about how much text per page is displayed. That's up to the moderators. I've submitted this as separate chapters since that seems to be "the way" here - I'm just following protocol. At some point I will make this an e-novel on Kinde / nook, but right now I just want to get it out there.

3) The Champaign error. I'm an idiot. Have to hold my hands up to that one. Cannot quite believe that one got by me. Ooops.

4) I actually have a series I am working on - this story came out of no where and demanded to be written. The two people in it are actually based on people I know (although they aren't in LA or in the media business, and their marriage works). All of the story is 100% fiction though.

I'm now returning to the series, which is set in the same universe as Out of Love.

In Hungary there is a earlier TV personality, who is a hunk now and he married another beautiful earlier TV anchor woman. They have two common children.

This TV personality told his life in a talkshow. He was an extralarge fat young boy in the schools, high schools. He remained at home for a year and he did strong slim diet with gyms and he became a hunk after 1 year. His earlier high school fellows DID NOT KNOW HIM in the college! Such metamorph is rarly, but there is in the true life.

Well written once again and I loved Megan's line about "psycho babble bullshit" so i really hope you don't use that or some hormones bullshit as an way out for the cheating slut.

As for the missing dialogue, I just took it as silence on the characters part during the conversation.

@anon

It's 100% June's fault due to her spreading her legs for someone other than her husband. She could of had a talk with hubby about his weight but since she didn't and he was a fat ass even before they got married, her if going there as an excuse is just bullshit.

the best chapter so far. first chapter with speed and insight of all characters (this is for the author)

(for the commenters about fatty) sorry guys it does not need a fat guy or a sloppy guy to be cheated on. my ex is pretty intelligent she even has a doctoral degree and really earned it. so from the educational point of view you would not expect her to do dumb actions with even physically less handsome men than me. Fact was she did, even unprotected (even dumber, these days). she also had no explanation why (we were mid 20ies) It almost looked like before she left work , she took her brain out, put it in a drawer and went out without it.

it wasn't often and I'm not a fragile person. what really made us end, was that she never used protection and I did not want to die of aids or get any other uncurable std.

I just guess, every woman has her fetish . A biker, banker, you name the kink and if the time is right it happens.

Jezzaz pretty much confirmed this is reconciliation story, disappointed but will read this series out cause it is interesting. Will abstain from voting till this series is complete

It is always frustrating being spoon fed a FIVE STAR meal ;)

I don't understand the readers who need every cheating story to end with BTB. A well written story with well thought out plot lines. A little thin in places but that works for me.

I put you on my "read all submissions" list and I am pleased that I have.

I LOVe that story and dan and June

I certainly enjoy this, what concerns me is you will change the characters without reasoning as you did with Out of Love's Jace. You took that story and ruined the ending by changing who he was.

Please please please keep the characters true to themselves. Dan is a one woman man, so no three ways. Whether he is with June, or not please keep it plausible.

Dont ruin it!!!!!!

You are creating real characters who face deep emotional problems. Unusual plot. Not likely, but also not too great a stretch of the imagination. Excellent work. (And don't listen to those morons who puke at the thought of reconciliation.)

I have to say that I am really enjoying this one. As usual, you incorporate brilliant insights in addition to the fascinating storyline. I just hope the ending is better than your first series. Five stars.

My comment on Chapter two spelled out what I wanted to find out in succeeding chapter(s), jezzaz. You have made a lot of progress on those issues in this Chapter. I must say that June probably does not belong in her chosen field as a senior producer in major productions. Too much stress for her, which is probably an important element in why she cheated! But you are the author, and I am not a professional shrink.

I have read many LW tales on this website and have seen June's failure to live up to her standard of fidelity to her spouse in several/many stories. DQS's tales for example.. BTB lovers are not a forgiving lot, but I see this situation as a brief failure, not a conniving pre-planned humiliation of her husband. I see where they can get past this. Gave this chapter a 5 *. Look forward to more of your work. Thanks. Dan

@katib

It's not so much that a reconciliation takes place in some stories that people hate, its how the characters get that point that ruin's a good story and this authors first story is a prime example of this.

When you have characters that suddenly do a 360 degree and act in a totally unbelievable fashion from how they were originally written, all for the sake of getting the couple back together no matter what has happened between them, then its more down to shit writing than readers just being moron's.

Not every story has to be a BTB tale but then not all characters deserve a happy ending either.

A good tale so far. One way to handle the outcome could be Hubby achieves his goals - he slims down bulks up gets confidence makes connections and knocks Greg out cold. He is ready to reclaim June. June goes to therapy. She discovers while she loves hubby she is not in love with him. She discovers given the right circumstances she would cheat again. She doesn't want to hurt hubby any more so instead of reconciling she leaves him and divorces. The new hubby can stand on his and they go the separate ways.

@ Anon you are right He gets rid of a low IQ fembot (female sex robot)...I am sorry....against children woman. Good fantasy.............

This could end up being one of the best stories I have read in a long time. Hope to see many more chapters and the personal comments on the workouts and the thoughts he has are great. So many writers forget that area.

Except get an editor. Its not ruining the story, but wrong words or missing words is making it hard to read, which in turn is distracting from the story. Heck, I'll even do it.

Still, this is very good. Thank you.

I love it when two sluts talk about their cheating ways. Maybe there is regret. The female of the species really has been trained in the last 20 years to be selfish. A whore when they feel like. These two really are indicative of today's thought process.

You clearly want these two to reconcile. Nothing has really happened for about 5,000 words, except introspection ad nauseum. Seems more likely now that Dan loses the weight and the "new" Dan takes June back on his own terms (sort of). How many more words will it take to get there?

Were you referring to tae bo, or a NY Jets coach?

Jezzaz the more your story rolls the better it gets.

From my experience until the ending,then you try to wrap everything up neatly.

Already, the protagonist is morphing ( is that a word?), physically and mentally.

He isn't the only one. I see his wife will also change. As part Of her proof Of contrition. The greatist symbol of her love for him and their marriage. Yep ,thats right a CHILD.

It happens in real life more often than it should.I think you telegraphed this one Jezzaz.

In any case I am looking forward to the rest Of the story.

I give it 4* so far.

A Merry Man

You write well, although you could use a little help from an editor. You haven't mentioned the massive steroid injections Dan is receiving. I know you will deny it, but the evidence is there and a blind man can see it. Dan didn't have much in the way of balls before, but I'll bet by the end of the story he won't have any at all.

By the way, muscle doesn't weigh more than fat. Gravity doesn't distinguish by substance, it acts on all things the same. If you put a lb of fat on one side of a fair scale and a lb of muscle on the other side, the scale will be balanced. This is a common misconception especially among the less educated. What you mean is that muscle is DENSER than fat. A lb of fat weighs the same as a lb of muscle, but the lb of muscle has less VOLUME than the lb of fat.

If you do a 360, you get in the SAME place.

It should of been a 180 degree turn.

But at least I don't hide behind an Anonymous tag......

The forced reconciliation?

I really like it so far. Keep it going. My only disappointment is that I didn't find this when it was complete. I hate waiting.

This story is fantastically written, and please continue!

Please don't make them get back together and bring up a child in that hellhole they called marriage. I hope you have Dan get revenge by himself with divorcing June get really rich and famous. And find a way hotter,smarter, and younger wife who really wants kids.

Not sure I get why Megan started off encouraging her to cheat then went all ninny about how she had cheated too. Why would someone encourage their friend to do that then claim they had learned something from it? Makes no sense.

....You cannot go to bed with someone else and not understand or think about the effect it would have on your marriage if it came out. You just can't. .....

WORD

wimp out it has that all to familiar feel these type of writers give it reconciliation at any cost including plot.

June laments about not understanding why she did it.

Because you are nothing more than a slutty slimy snail trail making cheating cunt. No more, no less. Just a typical slutty cunt.

And not worth the paper and ink it takes to divorce your skanky scabby scuzzy slit.

And we all know that all Brits are backboneless wimps.

Just don't read the trash and give it a 1* !!

I'm enjoying the story, albeit with some qualms. If Dan had invoked the same standards to personal fitness and furthering career as he does in marital ethics - his union wouldn't be in current contrempts. That quibble aside, kudos to literary web jezzaz has woven. Full marks.

it would be interesting to read about Megan's story.

She did cheat, but Dan didnt act very smart. If i was dan and had somehow got a beautifyl woman to catch feelings for me i would be working my ass off trying to get in shape.. he took for granted that she would always be with him just because she liked him.

why is it that everyone want's Dan to get in shape, are we so conditioned to expect a slim state of body to be acceptable, some people will never be muscled and slim it is just their make up. Many studies have shown a plump fit person's is just as healthy as a slim one. This story sends the wrong message. By the way I'm athletic and weight 75kgs that's about 160lbs. T

You missed the part about his depression with his parents dying. Also the lack of work. To top it off I can tell you that not everything is as easy as it seems. To go and workout and get into shape, what did she tell him, that he was real and all that. He was in a lose lose situation without any chance of getting out of it. Also, some people really can't lose the weight. To top it off she shitt all over him. Deserved or not he may have been part of the problem but if his weight was such an issue for her then she needed to talk to him about it..

You missed the part about his depression with his parents dying. Also the lack of work. To top it off I can tell you that not everything is as easy as it seems. To go and workout and get into shape, what did she tell him, that he was real and all that. He was in a lose lose situation without any chance of getting out of it. Also, some people really can't lose the weight. To top it off she shitt all over him. Deserved or not he may have been part of the problem but if his weight was such an issue for her then she needed to talk to him about it..

You missed the part about his depression with his parents dying. Also the lack of work. To top it off I can tell you that not everything is as easy as it seems. To go and workout and get into shape, what did she tell him, that he was real and all that. He was in a lose lose situation without any chance of getting out of it. Also, some people really can't lose the weight. To top it off she shitt all over him. Deserved or not he may have been part of the problem but if his weight was such an issue for her then she needed to talk to him about it..

I really want see him turn up in a fat suit so she can say I love you as you are. Don't think it will happen which will cheapen the reconciliation.

You can lose weight. You just have to motivated enough to do so. How do I know? Was overweight by about 50 pounds for the last 20 years. I finally decided enough was enough and dropped 50 pounds. I can get back into jeans that I had in high school. I didn't have a personal trainer, I read some books and just did it. The hardest part is deciding that no matter what you are going to do this. That you are absolutely committed. Once you do that, it is easy. It just takes some time.

lunch conversation with Megan was an excellent way to get all of that info to the reader. Much better than June merely thinking about it. Have I been so engrossed in the story that I haven't noticed the lack of editing/proofreading? OR Has it improved since the 1st chapter?

still i will not blame the woman totally yes she should not have cheated but i think you should be able to expect of your wife/husband that he tries to look good for you i also go to the gym and keep up my apperance so why should i not be able to expect the same thing from my wife

they should just divorce. he doesn't deserve a selfish cheater and she doesn't deserve a fat assed lazy slob.

The submissive angle is rather weak. Not a strong chapter.

As an author, you do a better job of cutting through the BS than anyone out there. This isn't the first story I have commented about where the conversations are very insightful and show the real meaning behind the cliches and excuses. This isn't necessarily my favorite story of yours, but it's up there.

notme

notmenopenotme@mail.com

The main thing wrong with a wife's adultery is that it damages the "fragile male ego"...Here we have a museum quality specimen of feminist, anti-marriage horseshit. Hey! If men just had their egos under control then there's be no problem with wives just indulging in a little "strange" from time to time. That shows such deep insight into the nature of marriage and human nature. Next cliche apparently coming up...the Magic of Counseling!

A CUCK is still just a CUCK!!!

I've got to stop reading all this stuff, I start psycho analyzing my failed first marriage from 40 years ago!

Lots of insights, never wanted another woman after marriage, turns out she 'fell out of love" does that really happen?

Course I never really loved her-didn't even know what love was-still don't but I really feel the loss of my wife of 40 years. Keep writing, great story

Reading again.

While I like the author, this story falls into a category of stories where one person or another can be fully loved (and not cheated on) if only they do something about their appearance or weight. The MC undergoes a physical transformation from a frog into a prince and everything is finally right. And to top it, in this story, it’s the “bull” who straightens out the MC. Really galling.

Writing brings a 5* but the content is a 3*

~Enkidu

I cheated and you cant get over it because of your male ego, textbook womens response.

When he gets some more confidence he'll realize hes too good for her and move on, sluts like her are a dime a dozen.

I think the plot development is absolutely genius! The characters are now beginning to take on depth rather than being just one or two dimensional. I am looking forward to finishing the series. I know it has been out for a while, but I am just now getting to read the work of this auithor.

Insights and understanding. They just don't teach this stuff in school. Emotions, love, sex, emotions love sex, yeah, it just keeps repeating. You work, you meet someone you get married you have 2.5 kids, the car , the house, the wife says she fell out of love, is ok if I go out and look around? Can I come back if it doesn't work out? How can you even face this shit? They don't teach this stuff in school. We needed LIT back in the 60s!! Well at least the second marriage lasted 40 years before I lost her.

Great writing.

Interesting plot and premise so far.

Kind of surprised at one missed opportunity though. June had been remarkably cold and nasty to the MC when she came back briefly to LA and also when she left the morning of her flight back. We can guess why based on her guilt. But none of that came up in the discussion in the apartment. It is highly relevant because it goes to her obvious guilt and yet she continued for the next tryst. It also speaks directly to her claiming to love him and it was just sex and a mistake, blah, blah, blah. She was a snappy ice queen that trip except for the mercy sex.

Instead all the focus was on the "gift" she gave her husband that night under false pretenses knowing full well she would give it up to Greg soon thereafter, probably the very same night that she was caught in her apartment by her husband.

Also surprised he let June off with her saying she didn't know how many times. Huh?

You really hit your stride with this one!

Far, far superior in quality to After The Game. Dialigue more focused and direction flows well.

Yes, there are a few things wrong however her lack of insight and his crushing emotional pain obscured it for both.

Her anal sex "offer" was truly despicable and illustrates that she carried on this affair at will.

She is, truly aware, of what she's done but, as her friend tells her, the problem is HER and until she gets a handle on that she is sunk and she takes the Titanic with her.

Very inciteful, makes me wonder have you been there yourself, or maybe you were the perp ha ha. They do say write about what you know. {AND you have demonstrated a very mixed up and jumbled knowledge about food and health and muscle still nice to see I know my shit} 5shiney ones.

It is weird that the new bod the self-esteem and I suspect the soon-to-be found artistic success is all because of her affair, weirdly cucky that all that will be because of his wife's lover's largess.. but dang you have a way of writing I find myself laugh at/along and cringing at other points in same way thax

i am still reading. i have hope this makes sense. the last story, After The Game, did not.