MetaMorph Ch. 03

Dan read the transcript of the conversation with interest. It answered a few questions, and he also found it interesting that of all the people June would confide in, it was Megan. He also got a load of what Megan really thought of him, and it wasn't flattering. He'd had no idea she held him in the contempt she did.

Megan: So what's up girlie girl? You look pretty crap. What's occurring? Work blues?

June: No, I fucked up. You mean you haven't heard yet? I thought it was all over the production smoke signals.

M: No? What? What happened? Fatty do something stupid again?

J: Megan, please don't call him that, ok? He's my husband. I know you don't agree with my choices, but they are my choices.

M: _unintelligible_

J: Yes, well, I was a stupid ass. I think I may have blown my marriage.

M: What, you been out there gettin' some strange? <laughs> Might do you some good if you did you know. Open your eyes to the fact that there are people out there who don't make your skin crawl when they touch you.

J: Megan, if you carry on like this, I'll pop you myself. Can we just talk about this without the insults?

M: _unintelligible_

J: Yeah, well, 'the juice' as you call it, is that I cheated.

M: WHAT? You? Mrs. Married? You finally got some different? Well halleluiah! Was it good?

J: No. Well, yes, but Dan found out. It was while I was working on the Stallone show in New Orleans. There was this guy on the crew I met before we went out there. He's a player, that much was obvious, but he was cute, well made, well dressed, paid attention, the whole thing. I dunno, I just was stressed, I was tired, the night it started I was drunk, and I just let it happen.

M: I'm impressed girl. I never thought you had it in you, so to speak. Was it good?

J: It was ok. It was good. It was new, you know? All the little pleasures of finding out about a new person. The furtive glances and touches and all that. It wasn't going to last; that much was obvious. Like I said, this guy was a player.

M: _unintelligible_

J: He was Justin's trainer.

M: Oh! So hot body then? Does the snake match the muscles?

J: Not really. He was ok, not huge. Dan is bigger in fact. He did different things with it, but it's not like the sex was super awesome. It was nice to do different positions and be with someone flexible, but it's not like I became some kind of sex cock monster.

M: _laugh_ You just hadn't let go enough for it that to happen. Let me guess, after each time, you had stomach-wrenching guilt?

J: YES. It was awful.

M: Not awful enough to stop you doing it again though, I'm guessing.

J: Yeah. I don't know what was wrong with me. It was like I was living a totally different and separate life. My life in New Orleans working on that movie was like an island. I don't understand it.

M: So, what's going on now? Is it done? Back to Dan?

J: Dan caught us on the last night. I'd been back to LA for some ADR work and I was half disgusted at myself and half mad at Dan. I have no idea why -- he'd done nothing wrong, just supported me and loved me like he always did. We had sex one of the nights I was home and I gave Dan my ass.

M: _unintelligible_

J: Yes, I know, you love it. You've told me. Repeatedly. It was ok. Different. Not something I would want to do a lot of, but you know... trouble is, I only did it because this guy had suggested it. I think he wanted to fuck me there too, and I wouldn't let him. I told him that no one got there unless my husband did. So he gave me this speech about not holding back for my hubby and all that crap. How I shouldn't be doing anything with him I didn't do for Dan, and how, if I loved Dan, I should be offering him everything. How Dan should have no suspicions and it was only right that he got all I had to offer. And I bought it. Hook line and sinker. And the next day, I hated myself even more because I'd only really offered Dan my ass was because this guy had told me to. I didn't do because I wanted to, but because I felt guilty about what I was doing, and I think that in the back of my head I knew that if this guy, Greg, really pressed it, I'd probably give in at some point. I couldn't let that happen with out Dan going there first. I dunno, in my fucked up logic I thought that made it more ok or something.

M: Wow Girl. This is...fucked up. Even for me. So Mr. Lover Boy is pushing you into doing things for Dan so he can get them, and you are letting him? Wow. Are you in love with this guy or something?

J: God no. Far from it. I have no idea why I did it. I love Dan, always have and always will. I have no idea why I gave into this guy in the first place, and even less idea why I would do something like this.

M: Sounds to me like you've got a control complex.

J: A what?

M: Strong man, his demands, he's reasonable but firm and applies pressure and you go for it. A submissive streak in you. I can only imagine it's why you hooked up with Dan in the first place.

J: _unintelligible_

M: Sure it's possible. I dunno if that's you exactly, but it's possible. Either way, I'd see someone about this June. This kind of thing can seriously fuck up your life if you don't understand your motivation.

J: Too late for that. Like I said, Dan walked in on us. Or rather, we walked in on him. After Dan and I had sex that night, I was disgusted at myself again, and I provoked a fight and walked away from Dan at the airport. Dan must have thought it was something he did. He came to New Orleans to surprise me. I had been out with Greg at a local bar on Bourbon street, where there were naked guys on the bar, dancing, holding just a towel over their junk. I was hot and bothered and we made it back to the hotel room. When I got there, we couldn't wait. Greg was in me in a second and then Dan walked out of the bathroom. He just left -- went to the airport and left. He didn't say anything, he just left. He'd brought rose petals and put them on the bed and my favorite Napa Champaign and had it put on ice. I thought Greg had done that. Can you believe it? I was thanking my lover for things my husband had done. Christ, how I've hurt him Megan. I can't believe what a shit I've been <sobs>.

M: Jesus Wept June. Where is Dan now? When was this? Is he talking to you now?

J: He's gone. He was gone when I got back. I quit the Stallone job -- they were going to sue me at one point till I got to sit down with Sylvester and straighten it out. He wasn't that impressed, but I don't blame him. Dan was gone for several days, then he shows up, gathers up some clothes, points out to me exactly how much of a slut I was and how it made him feel -- he knew about Greg pushing me for the ass thing, I have no idea how -- and told me he was leaving for a while and he'd be back in a few months. He needed to get his head together. I have no idea where he is. The comic book shop hasn't seen him and none of the friends that I know about know where he is. His friend Donnie is ducking me when I try and talk to him. I had thought he might have gone back to Madison but no one there has seen him either. I'm at my wits end over this. I can't forgive myself, I can't find my husband and I literally have no one to tell about this. So yeah, that's what lunch is about.

M: So, what are you going to do when you do find him or he shows up?

J: That's just it. I have no idea. You know what his lasts words were to me before he left? Figure out how I can make it up to him. I asked him how I was supposed to do it and he just said I made this mess, I fix it. I can understand what he means but I have no idea of how to show him I love him.

M: No idea's at all?

J: Well, I did think about offering him the chance to...have his own adventure. That would make us even.

M: _laughing_ What kind of offer is that? Who the fuck is gonna take him up on that? He's a three hundred pound lard ass loser. Who's gonna wanna fuck that? Besides you?

J: Well, I had wondered about..um...you? Or craigslist or something?

M: Yeah, stow that idea girlfriend. I may be a cock monster, but even I wouldn't go near that. Besides, that's not a solution in anyway.

J: What?

M: Making that kind of offer is not about him at all. It's about you. You only offer him that so you are equal. But you aren't. You betrayed him. He hasn't betrayed you. Him getting some strange because you've authorized it doesn't make you equal. Besides, it's an empty offer and you know it. No one is going to be running after him to make you jealous and you know that. And even then, if it did happen, it's not about him. It's about you. You are trying to punish yourself here, not show him you love him. You imagine for a second that either he'd go for it? He's a loser, but he loves you June. He doesn't want another woman. He wants you to have not done what you did.

J: _unintelligible_

M: Look, while it's pretty awesome to be seeing the great Junie Perry on a downer and lost at sea...

J: What the hell?

M: June, you are a scary broad professionally. You scare the crap out of people. You are icily efficient, you take no shit off anyone and you run a movie production like it's the invasion of Iraq, and you take about as many prisoners. Seeing you up shit creek without a paddle and no idea of how to steer is...entertaining, but I do empathize.

J: Well, I'm glad my suffering amuses you.

M: You brought it on yourself girlfriend. Don't blame me because I see the irony of the situation.

J: Look, what do I do? I need him back.

M: As I see it, you have two options. One is to take this opportunity to cut loose from Lardy and live your life for yourself; god knows you deserve it after supporting his ass for so long.

J: _unintelligible_

M: Yeah, kinda figured you'd say that. Have to put it out there though girl. Don't blame me when you regret not taking this opportunity though. So, option two. You have to get through to Dan that you are sorry. Have you said sorry?

J: Yes. Although I think he took it to mean I was sorry for being caught, not doing it.

M: Are you sorry?

J: What kind of question is that? Of course I am!

M: Really? It didn't seem to stop you at the time.

J: I just...I dunno. When I wasn't doing it, I was so disgusted with myself. But when the opportunity came up, I took it. I just don't know why. I wasn't thinking about hurting Dan -- I just wasn't thinking about our marriage at all. I wasn't sorry at the time when I was doing it because it was exciting and new. Now I realize the impact -- how sorry can you be when you've destroyed what you love because you just weren't thinking about it at the time?

M: Honestly girlfriend, that sounds like a lot of psycho babble bullshit. You cannot go to bed with someone else and not understand or think about the effect it would have on your marriage if it came out. You just can't. But we'll gloss over that for now. That's a conversation for another day.

J:I...

M: So back to option two. You throw yourself on Dan's mercy. You do everything you possibly can to make him understand you love him, he's the one, the only one, the only one there will ever be and I'm going to make myself sick if I carry on talking like this about your sweaty Simpsons Comic book guy. You said he stopped by, did you talk about what happened?

J: A bit.

M: Let me guess. Did he ask you to be truthful about everything?

J: Yes.

M: Were you?

J: Pretty much.

M: What does that mean?

J: He asked me about us having anal sex -- why I did it. I didn't mention it was Greg's idea and he already seemed to know about it.

M: Wow. I wonder how. Still, you really screwed that pooch. No wonder he doesn't trust you. I wouldn't either after that. You lied about the one thing that really mattered to him. After you told him you wouldn't. After you'd already betrayed him.

J: I couldn't tell him the truth! I couldn't. He was already so hurt, so broken. Me telling him that would have broken it even more, perhaps beyond fixing. I couldn't do it to him.

M: Yeah, that worked out, didn't it? Girl, you really have fucked up here. I don't know if you are going to be able to pick up the pieces of this. When he does show up, you say 'I'm really sorry Honey. I will do whatever you feel is appropriate.' You do not ask him where he's been or what he's been doing -- you say 'Whatever you want to tell me is ok. I will not ask.' And you don't ask. I know you. You'll try and get it out of him. Whatever he's been doing, that's up to him to tell you.

J: I do have some rights here you know Megan. He is still my husband.

M: See, that's you fucking it all up again June. No, you don't. You have no rights here at all. You traded those away for a few nights of sweaty sex with Mr. Universe. Until you truly understand and accept that, your marriage is doomed. Whatever he's doing -- whomever he is doing -- you have zero right to even ask. Am I getting through?

J: If you say so.

M: And while we are at it, if -- and that's a very big if -- you ever get intimate with him again, you do NOT trot out ANY of the tricks and tips that you may have picked up from Mr. Biceps, you hear?

J: What? Why not? If I'm better at something or have a new way to make him happy, why wouldn't I want to bring that out?

M: June, you are such a fucking idiot at times. No, you are. Think for a second. Because none of those tricks come from you. He'll know exactly where they come from. You do something you've learned from the other guy and Dan's erection will leave the room, closely followed by Dan. You wanna bring those out a year from now, on a birthday or an anniversary, then fine. Tell him you watched a porno or read it in a book. But right now, you need to be exactly as he remembers you. Got it?

J: Yeah, I get it. It's a fucking minefield, isn't it?

M: Yep. And you threw out the mines.

J: I just want him back. I want him to stop hurting.

M: If only wishing would make it so -- I'd be married to Johnny Depp by now. Look. You say he isn't talking to you? Can he get emails?

J: Yeah. He told me he wasn't going to look at any from me -- or texts either. I've been sending them to him anyway. Short ones, so I know he'll see them on the iPhone alerts thing. I've written him a few emails, trying to tell him what I am doing. I've no idea if he reads them or not. I don't get any replies.

M: Ok, well, here's the plan then. You, lady, are going to write him some emails. If he gets them, great. If not, well, you have planned out what you are going to say when you see him in person. You are gonna lay it out 100% and be as upfront and honest as you can. No sparing of any feelings. You need to rebuild the honesty and trust and this is how you start. You are also going to need to get professional help. I don't think you are really facing up to why you did this in the first place -- so far I've heard a lot of procrastination and bullshit. I think the real reason is going to be depressingly simple -- he wanted you, you could get away with it, it wasn't going to come home, it's was temporary, the guy was hot and he wasn't three hundred pounds and you felt entitled after carrying the couch potato for so long. I think that's the root of it. However, be that as it may, you need someone with a document on a wall to tell you that. And you need to listen. And you need to understand that if you love your man, you won't put yourself in that situation again, because you will do it again if nothing changes.

J: You think that's enough?

M: No, not even remotely. But the fact is, there's fuck all else you can do until he surfaces. Keep your nose clean, no dating and just become a homebody. Dan -- much as I think he's a lard ass -- he does love you. I don't doubt he's somewhere in far worse pain that you are dearie. You think you are suffering? The male ego is a fragile thing, probably even more fragile when you are a three hundred pound lardy who no one wants to employ. What you did would have smashed it, stamped on it and then shit on it. He had nothing to his name June. Nothing, besides you. And you lied to him, fucked someone else, then fucked him and gave him a 'gift' and then he finds out it's not even from you. I don't wonder the guy has run off. I'm just surprised he didn't beat your ass first. God knows you deserved it.

J: I know. You think I don't know?

M: Well, the evidence to-date wouldn't convince a jury, would it? For someone you proclaim to love as much as you do, you sure haven't done a lot of that, have you? Like I said, you need professional help to sort that out.

J: Megan. I just don't know what to do.

M: You gave him a worthless gift June. Worse than that. He's pissed, and rightly so.

J: _laugh_ You know, he used almost those exact same words. So, what do I do?

M: You have to think of something else to give him that comes from you and only you. Something that cannot be argued with.

J: What?

M: Fucked if I know Girlie. Right, lets eat.

J: Megan? How do you know all this? What to do?

M: I wasn't always a cock monster June. I had a guy once. And I fucked it all up, just like you are doing. Only for me, there was no way back. Some lessons are hard earned.

The rest of the transcript was them eating and talking about work. It was a little strained, when Dan read between the lines, but still. It was enlightening.