Michael & Jason Ch. 02

I frantically search the rooms finding them in the same room Kenny and I used earlier. They're partially clothed with Grooves grinding his jean-clad crotch slowly against Jason's. Who has his eyes closed and moans while Grooves licks and kisses his neck. The sight of him wrapping his legs around Grooves waist has me fuming.

"Grooves, get the fuck off him," I yell, yanking him back by his jeans. "He's drunk. What wrong with you?"

"What the hell, Chambers? We were only making out," he says, standing up. "I'd never take advantage of anyone who was out of it. That's not my style."

"Hey, Mikey. I gonna get laid like you did tonight," Jason announces loudly. "C'mon, Grooves, let's give them a show."

He sits up quickly and looks dazed.

"Jase, you okay?" I ask, moving towards him.

"I'm gonna be sick." With that he leans over the side of the bed and vomits. He looks flushed and sweaty when he stops. He turns to Grooves, wipes his mouth, and mutters, "Ok, I'm ready."

Grooves shakes his head, but not in disgust. He reaches over and tenderly brushes back Jason's hair. "I don't think so. You should let your brother take you home. Here," he says, taking Jason's phone from the nightstand. "Here's my number. Call me. We can hang out again. Okay?"

"Sure, whatever," Jason says, looking rather disappointed. He takes his phone from Grooves hand.

Grooves grabs his shirt and shoes. He looks to me and says, "Sorry, man. I swear we wouldn't have done anything else."

I just nod.

He departs and I turn to Kenny. "I think we should get going. I'm gonna get him cleaned up. We'll see you downstairs in a couple minutes."

He kisses me and takes the keys from my pocket. "I'll go warm up the car." With that he turns and exits the room.

Jason groans and I turn my attention to him. Sitting next to him on the bed, I ask, "Are you okay, Jase?"

He puts his head on my shoulder. "Mikey, I wanna go home. Take me home."

After getting him cleaned up and clothed, we meet Kenny at the car, and drive in near silence. Kenny takes my hand and I kiss the back of his. I pull up to his place an hour later. Turning to him, I give him a pathetic smile. "I'm sorry about tonight, cowboy. I was so worried about Jason that I ruined our night. Hey, let me get him home, and I'll come back."

He shakes his head. "No, you look after your brother. If your folks find him like this, you're both in trouble. Come over in the afternoon alright?"

"That I can definitely do. I'll call you when I get home."

Kenny nods. He kisses me softly, and quietly calls out, "Jason, I hope you feel better."

Jason grunts loudly in response.

"Love you," I whisper to him.

"Love you," he replies.

******

Jason is deadweight getting him into the house. It's a good thing our parents are still out because he's making a lot of noise. Once we're in his room, he falls on his bed with a thud, and curls up in a ball. Groaning heavily, I sit on his bed to take off his shoes.

"I love you, Mikey," he mutters.

"I love you, too," I reply.

"No," Jason whines, trying to sit up. He gets upright, grabs my shirt, and stares into my eyes. "I love you. I love you more than a brother, bonehead."

I gasp having had the wind knocked out of me. He didn't confess his love for me... did he? A flood of emotions flow through me all at once: anger, anxiousness, surprise, and euphoric. But I'm mostly angry. Wrestling his hands from my shirt, I push him away.

"What the hell are you talking about, Jason?"

The hurt is clear in his eyes before he looks down. "Mikey, I've dreamt of what it would be like to be yours," he says quietly. "I wanna be yours."

Jason leans in, his lips brush against mine, and I still. I don't know how to process what's happening. He loves me the way I love him, but how can that be?

The tip of his tongue moves along my lips, and I open up to him and he moans softly. His lips are just as I imagined them: warm and soft. The kiss is timid at first before Jason moves to straddle my lap taking the kiss deeper. All of his smells I've ignored over the years surround me like an aromatic cloud. Wrapping my arms tight around him, I lean back bringing him down on top of me.

The whole experience couldn't have been more than thirty seconds when I realize what I'm doing. I push him off me and stand, wiping my mouth. "This can't happen, Jason. You're my brother. I have a boyfriend. Stay the hell away from me."

I run out of the room.

******

I avoided Jason for two days by staying over at Kenny's place. He called and texted but I never answered or replied. I received a text this morning, it said: Leaving 4 school now. Don't worry I'll leave u alone. I'm sorry L

I wanted to call Jason right then, but I didn't. I let him leave without a word. I didn't know what else to do. I'm confused by everything, especially by Jason's confession. He loves me, and I love him, but I love Kenny too. How can I love two people at the same time? I've heard people say they loved two people, but I always thought they were lying to have their cake and eat it too. But it's true. It can happen. I'm living proof.

******

"Hello?" the voice asks carefully through the intercom.

"Let me in," I answer shakily.

There's a long pause. "Mike, what are you doing here?"

"Let me in, and I'll explain," I reply.

There's another long pause before the door buzzes, and I push it open. Ascending the stairs, I take a few deep breaths. I hear his door open. My heart is racing. The thought of seeing him has me breathless. We haven't spoken or seen each other in over a month. But I finally got my act together. As much as want Kenny, I want Jason too. Now that I know how he feels about me, maybe we can see where it leads.

This is a talk we need to have in person. Once I realized what I had to do, I didn't hesitate hopping on a plane to California. Standing in front of his door, I breathe out and step inside. Jason is sitting on the couch with his head down, and his hands clasped tight together.

I sit in the chair opposite him and clear my throat. "Are your roommates here?"

"No, they went to a movie. Mike, why're you here? I thought you hated me," he whispers solemnly.

Fuck! He thinks I hate him. What else would he think, I haven't tried to speak to him in a month. I sigh heavily. "Jase, I don't hate you. I was goin' through some things and I couldn't get my head 'round them 'til now. There are things you don't know about me. I thought if you found out about them, you'd hate me and never want to speak to me again."

Jason looks up at me. "I could never hate you. I love you."

"I know. But what you don't know is uh, uh, I-I- damn, I didn't plan out what I was going to say. Now I wish I had," I chuckle softly. After a few more seconds pass, I continue. "The reason I thought you'd hate is because of my feelings for you."

Shocked, he gasps and looks at me. Shaking his head in disbelief, he says, "What?"

It's my turn to look down. Using his words, I say, "I love you more than a brother, bonehead."

Emphatically, he shakes his head. "Don't do this. Don't lie to make me feel better for what happened. I shouldn't have kissed you, Mike. My feelings for you are wrong, and I'll learn to live with it. Just don't lie, okay?"

I move from the chair to sit next to him on the couch.

"I'm not lying, Jase. It started off as a slight crush when I was sixteen, and grew in to love over the past three years." His mouth opens and closes but says nothing. "Believe me when I tell you. My feelings for you are very, very real," I tell him as my voice cracks.

Neither of us speak for a long while.

"So, we love each other. We're brothers. Nothing can ever come of it, no matter how much I may want it to," Jason whispers with a few sniffles.

I pull his chin towards me. "We're toeing the line right now. We can deal with our feelings by not acting on them or we can cross the line," I say. "What do you want?

"To cross the line," he answers, turning to face me fully. "What about you?"

"Cross the line."

"And Kenny?"

"I'm not breaking up with him," I state definitively. "But to make it fair, you can see other guys."

His eyebrows furrow and he shrugs. "You love me. But you're okay with me dating other guys. That doesn't make sense, Mike. You flipped out on Grooves. What's to keep you from flipping out again?"

"I trust you. That's why," I answer honestly. "Jase, do you trust me? I would never intentionally hurt you. That's why I'm being upfront about Kenny. Can you accept that he's in my life?

I see apprehension in his eyes but he nods his acceptance before I question him further.

I lean in and our lips touch. It's a slow, sweet kiss which turns smoldering in seconds. Jason's hands grip me tighter as the kiss deepens. My hands clasp the sides of his neck. I moan when he nips my lips. Damn, he's such an amazing kisser. I feel his arms snake around my neck. He leans back against the arm of the couch bringing me with him. He whimpers softly when I settle between his legs and grind our hips together.

This feels natural. Nothing seems out of place or feels weird. I love and fear every second of it.

The kiss lasts only seconds, but feels like an eternity. I end the kiss eliciting a frustrated groan from Jason. I replay the tenderness and the urgency in the kiss we just shared. My fantasies of what his kisses would be like didn't even hold up to the real thing.

We say nothing to each other as we catch our breaths. Our foreheads rest against each other.

Jason laughs quietly. "I can't believe this is happening. Are we really doing this?"

I nod slowly letting it sink in myself. "Yeah, we are."

We kiss again.

"My roommates might be back soon. Let's go to my room," he says shyly.

******

Present time:

The situation we're in is my fault. Thinking back at all those odd looks and the occasional cold shoulder from Jason all make sense now. I failed to recognize the signs because I focused on getting Jason instead of protecting him. The fact that we both wanted each other clouded my judgment. I should've asked more questions that night back in California. Even though it would have hurt to do so, I would've put a stop to it, if he'd said he couldn't accept Kenny being in my life. But then again, why would he admit it? He was about to get what he'd always wanted, me.

The day Jason left me in his room, all I could do was lay on his bed and wish with all my might that he'd come back to me. He didn't. How could I even think he would? I called him an 'easy fuck'. I can still see the hurt and shock in his eyes when he heard those malicious and untrue words come from my mouth. He was only trying to be honest about his feelings. I never should've reacted the way I had.

One week. That's how long it's been since my brother, my best friend, my lover walked away from me out of the necessity to protect his heart from me hurting him more than I had already.

Hearing Jason cry himself to sleep the first couple of nights broke my heart. I wanted to comfort him, but he locked his doors. So, I stayed on the other side of his bathroom door and listened until I knew he was asleep before retreating to my room. The worst thing is we only talk when our parents are home, and even then, it's awkward. Mom picked up on the tension between us and asked what happened. Jason told her he broke up with the guy he was seeing. She said that didn't explain what was going in between us. I told her I did something that pissed Jason off, but we would work it out eventually. I was giving him time to cool down. Appeased, she let it go.

I miss him. I want him back. I don't know what to do, but know I need liquid courage to do it.

One of the benefits of being a well-known underage former basketball star in my town is the privilege I still receive from some establishments. All I have to do is walk into the liquor store, and I have my run of the place. The manager feels sorry for me since I lost my basketball scholarship. Therefore, he sometimes lets me buy whatever I want. It's a good thing too because I need this to talk to Jason.

******

I stagger into the house after having drank a six-pack and a nip of whiskey alone in my car while I sat in the garage. Walking down the small hallway towards the kitchen, I hear the booming sounds of explosions coming from downstairs. Slowly, I make my way down to the basement, and from the middle of the steps, I see the back of Jason's blond head leaning against the back of the sofa. He's shirtless with his long legs crossed at the ankles in front of him while watches his favorite movie, Die Hard. He runs a hand through his hair, and laughs at a Bruce Willis one-liner.

The ache in my heart as I take the last step is profound. God, I miss him so much.

Walking towards the couch, he doesn't notice me until I accidentally bump the table beside him. With a startled yell his head snaps towards me. "Shit, man, you scared the hell outta me," he announces angrily.

"I'm sorry," I proclaim, staggering a little to keep myself upright. "I wanted to talk to you before Mom and Dad got home."

"I'm not doing this with you," he says, turning his attention back to the movie.

Sighing heavily, I shove my hands in my front pockets. "Jase, this is important. We need to talk."

Jason grabs the large bowl beside him and stands. He doesn't say anything else as he walks past me and up the stairs. I slowly but surely follow him to the kitchen. I lean against the counter and cross my arms. Watching him move about the kitchen as he makes a batch of popcorn is captivating. The stride of his long legs has me remembering what it was like to have them wrapped around my waist as we made love. And the grace of his arms as he grabs the salt from the cabinet, and remembering how they felt when he held me while we slept.

With a slight slur, I say, "I want to talk to you."

Jason turns to me. "Are you drunk?"

"Yup, drunk in love with you," I answer, smiling as if I said something ultra-clever.

He scoffs, rolls his eyes, and turns away from me. "You're in love with Kenny too."

Ignoring his comment, I quietly reply, "I miss my best friend. I miss you."

Jason turns his head slightly towards me, and states dryly. "Don't you mean that you miss your 'easy fuck'?"

Dumbfounded, I take three large steps to stand next to him. I furiously turn him to me. Pointing my finger in his chest, I say, "You can't keep throwing that back in my face. When are you gonna stop punishing me for it? Do you want me to apologize again? Fine. I'm sorry, Jase. You're not an easy fuck."

He looks down mumbling, "I'm not trying to punish you."

"You could've fooled me." I cup the sides of his face, lifting his head up so I can look him in the eyes. "Please talk to me. All I want to do is talk. Nothing else. I swear."

Jason turns from me and watches the popcorn machine. It soon comes to life with the sounds of the kernels exploding and it fills in the awkward silence between us. He dumps the popcorn in the bowl, and works diligently to cover it with butter and seasonings. Another batch of kernels goes inside the popper.

I clear my throat. "This wall you've put up is keeping us apart."

He shrugs shaking his head. "There are a lot of things keeping us apart, but I'm working through them alone just like you."

I reach for him on impulse, but stop midway. "We don't have to do it alone."

He sighs heavily. "Yeah, we do. I'm not gonna end up some lovesick puppy at your feet waiting for scraps of your love. I deserve better than that, and you know it."

I nod in agreement. "You do. We can still work this out. All I'm asking for is a chance."

"There is no 'we'," Jason states somberly, taking the tea out of the fridge.

"Yes, there is. No matter how hard you try to ignore it," I reply. "Jase, I can't make this decision if you keep me at a distance."

I press my forehead to his temple, and rest a hand on the small of his back, and the other on his stomach. We stand this way until the popper again comes to life. Jason wipes his eyes and pulls away. I curse under my breath, and reluctantly drop my hands. When the rumbling of the popcorn slows, he dumps the popcorn in with the other batch he's prepared; his hands tremble visibly as he mixes them together.

He turns towards me with tears in his eyes. "How can I open my heart back up to you? Six months together did nothing to change your feelings for Kenny. If you haven't broken up with him by now, we need to face the fact that you probably won't."

"Jase, come on. At least give us a chance to work through this," I beg, gripping his shoulders tightly.

"I can't. Something happened last week that made me realize...," he sniffles, but he stops speaking.

In a defensive move, I drop my hands from his shoulders, and cross my arms. "What happened?"

There's a long pause before he says, "I went to the gym after I left here. But I never got out of the car, instead, I, uh, went to see Grooves'."

I hiss angrily, "You went to Grooves?"

"Yes," he answers quietly.

I take a step towards him. "Nothing happened, right?"

Jason's voice breaks as he answers. "I told him I was upset. That the guy I was seeing wouldn't leave his boyfriend for me. He invited me in, and kept asking why I came to see him. To shut him up, I kissed him. One moment we were on his couch, then the next, we're in his room going at it."

My mind is going a million miles an hour. Taking a step closer, I ask, "What do you mean 'going at it'?"

"We were making out pretty heavily, when I begged him to fuck me," Jason admits, meeting my angry glare.

There's no fucking way! Oh, my God, he slept with Grooves. Choking back a sob, I cover my heart and feel the sadness wrap its way around it. My stomach turns in knots. I hold up a hand to keep him from talking. "Stop! I don't want to hear it," I announce, slowly backing away from him.

I walk unsteadily out the kitchen, and stumble up the stairs. I walk into my room, slamming the door behind me. I want to ram my fists through the wall.

Jason bursts through seconds later.

"Go back downstairs," I growl angrily at him, pacing the room with my hands clasped behind my head.

Jason pulls me towards him by my waist. The intensity in his hazel eyes burns deep in to my amber eyes. Despite how I feel, his touch has a calming effect on me. He rests his hands against my chest. "Please, calm down and listen to me."

Unable to look him in the eye, I focus on a spot on the wall behind him. A wave of thoughts and emotions wash over me. I'm a possessive, selfish hypocrite. I don't have the right to be angry. Jason can do whatever he wants and with whomever because those are the rules. Rules I implemented so I could have him and keep Kenny.

Jason's voice cuts through my thoughts.

"When Grooves was putting the condom on, you flashed into my mind. You weren't there, but I swear I could smell you. I felt your breath, your lips, and your hands everywhere on my body. I felt every inch of you inside me. Before I know it, I was crying, and telling Grooves to stop."

My jaw clenches repeatedly before looking in his eyes. "You didn't sleep with him?"

Jason shakes his head. "No, but I really wanted to though. I should've been able to. I just couldn't go through with it. I tried to leave, but Grooves pulled me back, and held me until I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, I was alone. I found him sitting on his couch after I got dressed. I apologized for my breakdown. He laughed and said something along the line of, he was honored to be the man who made me realize how much I didn't want to sleep with him. We talked for a while. He told me to call him once I was ready to start dating again because he likes me. We said our goodbyes. I came home and tried to put it behind me."