Michael & Jason Ch. 02

Jason's hazel eyes glisten with unshed tears, he grabs my hands, and continues. "You don't have to worry about choosing between me or Kenny anymore."

Hopeful about what his declaration means, I ask, "Are you taking me back?"

He avoids looking at me, but soon his eyes meet mine, and answers, "No."

Flabbergasted, my mouth drops open. I shake my head in disbelief. "Why not? I love you, Jason," I declare, hugging him tight. I feel his arms wrap tight around my waist. "And you love me."

"It's not enough," he states simply without malice or anger. His arms fall to his sides when steps back. "Being with you changed me in to an insecure, pathetic mess. I accepted everything you gave me because it was you. I let the love and sex cloud my judgment. I grew dependent on you for my happiness. It shouldn't be that way. So, I'm letting you go. I told you last week I had to find out who I am without you. And I can only do that if we're just brothers."

In disbelief, I shake my head. "Jason, how do we go back to being 'just brothers' after what we shared this summer? How do I pretend that I'm not in love with you?"

"Uh, you don't have to worry because I'm going back to California on Tuesday," he announces. "I told Mom and Dad last night that I wanted to go back early to get settled in before classes started."

Feeling anger creep through me, I say, "That's in two days. You weren't supposed to leave 'til Saturday. I thought we had more... were you gonna leave without saying anything to me?"

Tears streak down his face. "No. I was working up the nerve to tell you. I can't be here, Mike. It hurts too much to be around you."

"Running away won't help, Jase," I whisper sadly.

"I'm not running away," he replies steadfast. "I'm leaving an unhealthy situation."

Defeated, I ask. "Will you come back?"

"I want to but it might not be for a while. I have a lot I need to work through."

I hear the front door open.

"Mike, Jason, we're home," Mom yells. "Come help your father bring in the bags."

Jason wipes his eyes. And yells back, "Be right down."

I grab his hand before he turns to leave. "Promise me you'll say goodbye."

"Promise," he says with a nod. He walks away leaving me alone.

In my head, I know he needs to do this for himself, if I even have a shot at winning him back. In my heart, I'm at a crossroads. Who do I choose? Kenny comes back next week from being abroad. Once he's back in my life physically, maybe I'll have the answers I need to finally choose. I don't want to hurt Jason again. And I don't want to hurt Kenny either. He's been good to me. So, I'll do what's necessary to minimize the damage that's coming.

I follow Jason downstairs trying my best to pretend my world isn't shattering around me.