All Comments on 'Midnight Snack'

Nice theme lots of potential, but really a poor story. You're using the wrong words at the wrong time.

Better yet let me ask, are you a virgin? Your stories lack realism. *

its clear to see this is just a quick jerk story to get your rocks off to beyond that there really isnt anything else to see

You cannot open up a cervix. The only time it opens is when a baby is about to come out. In fact if you did it would cause EXTREME pain and and cum would cause a horrible infection because cerivical mucus needs to clean sperm before it goes into the uterus.

I visualized your characters as my son and daughter. Some commenters fail to remember these stories are, mostly, fantasy therefore not real. I agree, however, that the more real they sound, the hotter they are.

Totally unrealistic crap. Your next story should about Leprachuans fucking unicorns on a fourth dimension astral plateau. Other than that it hummmm......sucked? Yeah, that's it, SUCKED DEAD DOG DICK. Please don't ever write another story.

This is fucking hilariously inaccurate. I could stand about half of it before it just became so... stupid. Its like you're trying to throw in every euphemism you've ever heard/read just so you don't repeat yourself. And some of those are a real boner killer.

But nothing compares to reading how the cervix opened for his dick. I just about pissed myself laughing reading that. Never in a million years.

Many gaps, but still got me hard

Does brother have a private bone too?

I mean beside that public bone?

... because I see potential in all of them, but to me they are little more than outlines for a longer, better tale. I know others got what they needed out of them, but to me they were all over before I could get aroused. If you put some time into them and give readers more than a diary entry from the male character I'll read some more in the future. If you continue with stuff that's barely long enough for "two-pump-chumps" to stroke to....sorry, not interested.

Is there going to be a story to wrap the sex in?

I would encourage you to keep writing, as the story line is a very good one. Some spelling issues and a few key word changes would rate this a 10 ! Better details on his horny young sister and on her brother beside how big his cock is would be better too and enhance the story.

Sadly, I totally agree with you. Hardly an hour in my waking life without a hard on but these stories, dayam, "quick" doesn't come close in surmising how short they are. How the hell can you get your rocks off when you've finished the story in 2 minutes?

Not every story needs to be long and super-detailed! Keep writing the short stories - they're very fun and exciting!

Yep - by the time you get through 2 + 2 it is over on your 2 nd stroke & what a waste of time ! You could at least make it a 2 page short story & then check it over before a let go & bam you have a good story.!**

Hungry young tummy gets filled with

brothers ,fresh load of baby badder.

Now her hungry little teenage

pussy will be full, for the next 9

months HA !!! HA !!!.

OK STORY,THANKS.

it all happened too quick, but good content

Interesting use of alliteration. A few phrases were repeated too often, but I liked the story, abrupt though the beginning was.